I am overwhelmed. Since I tend to be emotional, I try very hard to keep my life in balance, keep the stress in check and work to keep life and all that happens in perspective.
I think I am done with that. At least for now.
Last week, my daughter's junior high school had the fire alarm pulled and standard procedure (fire department, police, etc.) followed three times in one day by "pranksters" and then the school had 4 bombs threats and two school evacuations (but important to note: no school closures) in 3 days. Six arrests so far but little-to-no hope that any real action will be taken.
I called the school, talked to the principal and vice-principal, the Student Advisory Council, the Guidance office, several parents and any piece of furniture in the house that would listen to me. General response - "keep our fingers crossed" - that's a direct quote from the principal and "appeal to the students' sense of common decency" - that's the school board quote. No hard-balling it, no nothing but a notice too late. I'm exhausted just thinking about all over again and again, to no avail.
And then last night, when I was at Alpha of all places, my daughter was beaten up.
I am stunned.
She was playing outside and two kids wanted to wrestle and she said no, she doesn't play that way and kept trying to say no. The sister started to kick her and punch her (in the face) and the brother kicked her (and left bruises) and finally, my girl decked the boy and punched him in the face. The brother was encouraging his sister to "bitch-slap her" and Marly basically punched him, in self-defense, to distract him. And then THEY cried and my girl apologized. I asked why she didn't walk away but she said it happened too fast and she didn't really realize what was happening and, after all, she has to be able to stand up for herself at some point.
Oh My God.
My child is devastated, mortified and terrified. She has never been hit and has never hit anyone. She is so confused. "How can it feel so good to hit him and me be so sorry at the same time?" And she is terrified of "the older brother coming after her" because that has happened in her school before with other kids and the school goes into lock down and I can't believe this is happening and these are now the conversations that we have in our house. We live in a very peaceful school and home environment and this year, new kids move in and pow! we are on a different planet.
And I said to my husband, how do I talk to these parents (which I am going to do even though I afraid of them) about this unacceptable behaviour when obviously it is OK in their house since their kids didn't bat an eye?
I am overwhelmed by the evil in this world. The uncaring, the disrespect, the meanness, the intent to harm. I want to grab my child and stay in the house. Go nowhere, do nothing, be a total hermit. I know that's the wrong response. But I'm too tired to care about other people anymore.
I'm even too tired to pray.