So, I've been thinking about leaving bloggetyville. No great loss since the blog is only for me.
I don't like feeling helpless. In my own life I often feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do. Friends and family are in trouble, in need of help. Lives are out of control. Life can be hard. It's hard watching those you love having a hard time. Watching the local news is hard. I decided long ago to be informed but not inundated with world events. I watch the evening news and listen to the radio in the car but I do not read the paper and we do not have the 24 hours news channels. I find I get very caught up in the whole thing. We were in Maine when Hurricane Katrina arrived and I became obsessed with Anderson Cooper.
It's very stressful. And my IBS does not like stress.
Then Heather announced her diagnosis. I couldn't believe it. Why her? Worse, I already have a friend here at home diagnosed with brain cancer who has 2 girls and a boy and the youngest child is autistic. I could not believe it was happening again.
And Sarah with Addison.
And so on.
It's so hard.
I can't escape my own life but the people in bloggetyville I have consciously invited into my life and I have learned from them and laughed with them...I never thought I'd get attached and cry for them at night.
It was supposed to be a fun hobby.
Then Virginia Tech.
I can cry at the drop of a hat. I rant in my kitchen "Where is the gun control?" "What about that boy's soul?"
"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?????"
Then I read the posts of Heather and Sarah and I feel bad and stupid because I am so inspired by what they write and how they live. Their perseverance and senses of humor and life lessons and faith lessons.
If they can get through these struggles (and the struggles are happening to them afterall), who am I to get so depressed and down and frustrated? It is their lives that are affected. I don't even know them. It's almost insulting for me to take it personally and, at the very least, it isn't helpful or useful at all. It is so lame of me that I learn from them. Don't they have enough to do without ministering to me as well? How selfish can I be?
So I pray and wish and hope and pray and donate and wish and hope and pray.
That's all I can do :(