So for the last few days, Sarah over at In the Midst Of It has been posting about the everyday life and how happy and content it makes her. I love it when people are content. That's my number one personal goal for my own life. So I took that as a sign to do a quick re-evaluate about my own life. It came out pretty good. The summer weather has finally kicked in. My husband was doing some necessary yard work and it was breezy for him. My daughter has very happily and very successfully finished grade 7. My sister and family were home for most of the summer. My health lately has been good. I just had a doctor appt (** this will become a significant note to my day) and we were working on a plan. I got through my priest leaving and I am ready for the changes. All pretty good. So in the spirit of contentment and happiness and wanting to participate in my own life and in my married life, I decided to mow the lawn, so I could contribute to the home maintenance plan.
In the spring we bought a push-mower. Very environmental. I can't push the gas mower and our yard is very manageable so I wanted to try it for the summer. The thought being I would do the yard a few times and then Frank would give everything a good going over, then me, then him. You get the point. I must say I'm getting pretty good at it. I had a lot of new songs I just put on my Ipod, it was breezy and not too hot, so no problem. A good hour of exercise.
When I was done, I was sitting on the front step with my water and started looking at the neighbor's yard. They have been gone all week and I don't know when they will be back. They are very nice - they have a snow blower and sometimes do our driveway for us. So I thought, wouldn't it be nice for them to come home to a mowed lawn. We saw the movie "Evan Almighty" which I loved and one of the themes was doing random acts of kindness. So, I thought. I can do it. I can work this machine. I'm not too tired, etc, etc. Frank was still busy painting the oil tank and it was turning out to be a much bigger job than expected, so he wasn't going to be free anytime soon, so why not.
Off I go. Let me tell you, their grass is MUCH LONGER and MUCH THICKER than ours. Remember that I have a small push mower. And their yard is BIGGER, although it didn't look that way at the time. But I can do this, right? It's a random act of kindness. OH MY WORD! It was awful!! I didn't think I would make it - SERIOUSLY! I stopped twice to go over to Frank to beg that he finish the lawn, but everytime I went over he was way too involved with his project that I couldn't even ask. So I would rest and then try and start again. I almost passed out twice. I kept praying on and on for help. I couldn't leave the lawn not completely finished. Two people were out doing their yards and I wanted to ask them for help, but I just couldn't. On and on I tried to mow. And I got about 90% finished. The I couldn't take it anymore. Another guy across the street was mowing. He had a small yard and was almost done. I didn't know him, but at that point, I didn't care. Maybe God kept trying to send me help, these other mowers and I was trying to do it all myself. So when he was done, I sucked up and swallowed my pride and foolishness and I went over and explained to him I was trying to mow my neighbor's yard as a surprise but it was just too much for my push mower and would he please finish the small part left. It was hot by now and he was sweaty himself. He said, no problem. He knew who I was and that he would take care of it. I was SO grateful. Lickity-split for him with the gas mower. Although I was a bit panicked that my neighbor would pick that minute to return and wonder why a stranger was mowing his lawn. Finally it was done.
Random act of kindness taken care of - end of story...right? Wrong.
I went inside and directly got in the shower. I was feeling so funny. When I asked the man to mow the lawn, my throat was feeling like it was closing over and my chest hurt and I was having trouble breathing and talking. I thought I just needed some water and a cool shower. Did that, although I had a terrible time washing my hair because I could hardly lift my arms up. I thought it was just the mowing that were making my arms weak. I got out and was feeling SO WEIRD.
I took my blood pressure. Remember that doctor's appt - well, I have high blood pressure and I recently went on fluid pills to try and help the blood pressure meds. At my appt on Wed she upped the dosage of the fluid pills. She told me to that I would have to have my electrolytes checked in a few weeks to make sure everything was in line. My blood pressure was SO LOW. I couldn't believe it. But my ears weren't ringing, so I went to the computer (wouldn't you?) to try and find symptoms and treatment of low blood pressure. I couldn't even read. Frank came in as I was trying to make it to the couch. I laid down and we took my pressure over a short period of time. It went down. So he went on the computer and did some checking, including my new fluid pills. Guess what - fluid pills, unusually heavy exercise (3 hours of hard mowing in the sun) and dehydration cause very low blood pressure. SIGH! So I have spent the afternoon on the couch watching Seinfield re-runs and drinking Gatorade and slowly the pressure is coming up. I think I'm OK. I'll keep checking and drinking and hopefully avoid emerg. tonight.
The worst part is that I won't make it to church tonight to help welcome the new priest. I really wanted to be there because so many people are making this change difficult and I really wanted to help with the welcome. I don't want him to think I'm one of the negative cranky-pants people.
Moral of the story - don't usually over-exercise, in the sun with no water with a new dose of fluid pill. The jury is still out on random acts of kindness :) (Just teasing).
Sandy
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Harsh Words
Harsh words spoken in love are still harsh words.
What kind of duty or responsibility does a friend have toward another?
I have been best friends with A. for over 25 years. We have had amazing times and gone through difficult ones. We have become a part of each others family, and extended family. Our history together has become inter-twined with our own individual histories. We are each others sister, supporter, cheering section, Barnabus and each others "person" (ref: Gray's Anatomy).
So when your best friend is going through the (probably) most difficult time in her life, I know that I must love, not judge and support unconditionally, but do I mention the "other point of view" and bring up things that may not want to be looked at.
My friend wants to leave her husband. Her marriage is not what she wants for a marriage. They have a son. She will probably leave him too. The marriage is not abusive or horrible, it's just not what she wants. She feels the husband is not trying how she wants him to try. He is not being married "her way" and she doesn't accept "his efforts". Somehow she doesn't see them as valid. She has stopped trying, on purpose. She is waiting "for the right time". I think she is planning her "exit strategy".
Divorce doesn't get rid of the problems. It just trades in the old ones for new ones. They will be forever connected as parents of their son. The husband will not be out of her life. He will still have a presence, especially if the son lives with him.
They say in today's society we have unrealistic expectations of love and marriage and family and how to be with and treat each other. That through movies, books and movies, etc. we see only romance and flowers and if that isn't there or has gone missing, it is time to move on. That no one portrays the sacramental marriage. But if you ask any couple married over 50 years what the secret is, they always say things like "tolerance" and "patience" - never gooey love references.
My friend is a self-confessed control freak. The men in her life respond in one of two ways. They pay lip-service to her control and lie and cheat and she is unhappy. Or, they give in to her control and let her do it her way, because she insists on it, and she is unhappy. This is a pattern of many years. It will only change if she changes. She is the constant variable. She doesn't want to change.
If she is not going to change, why wreck the boy's life? Not that divorce automatically wrecks a child's life. It's just that for a successful divorce, you need two flexible, non control-freak people to co-parent and in this situation, that is doubtful. If the only thing that changes are the players in the game, but the game itself is the same, is the change worth it?
So, do I say that? Is it part of my responsibility as a good friend, wanting the best for her and her son, to mention this as food for thought? Or do I say nothing and keep my opinions to myself? Will she say years later, that I should have said something? Even though we are friends, is it really any of my business?
Is saying something being judgmental? Must support be silent?
How can I be friends with a mother who leaves her child? How can I love her and not judge that? I don't know if I have the ability to separate that.
I, more than anyone, know that marriage is hard. That divorce is hard. That starting over is hard, because of all the baggage that never leaves your side. I know this. Do I have a duty to share this information or do I just let her figure it out for herself? Would my choices have been different if someone had really told me? Would I have listened?
I feel like I am swimming around and against a whirlpool.
What should I do?
I pray about it all the time...
Love On Another...
Do Unto Others...
Harsh words spoken in love are still harsh words.
Sandy
What kind of duty or responsibility does a friend have toward another?
I have been best friends with A. for over 25 years. We have had amazing times and gone through difficult ones. We have become a part of each others family, and extended family. Our history together has become inter-twined with our own individual histories. We are each others sister, supporter, cheering section, Barnabus and each others "person" (ref: Gray's Anatomy).
So when your best friend is going through the (probably) most difficult time in her life, I know that I must love, not judge and support unconditionally, but do I mention the "other point of view" and bring up things that may not want to be looked at.
My friend wants to leave her husband. Her marriage is not what she wants for a marriage. They have a son. She will probably leave him too. The marriage is not abusive or horrible, it's just not what she wants. She feels the husband is not trying how she wants him to try. He is not being married "her way" and she doesn't accept "his efforts". Somehow she doesn't see them as valid. She has stopped trying, on purpose. She is waiting "for the right time". I think she is planning her "exit strategy".
Divorce doesn't get rid of the problems. It just trades in the old ones for new ones. They will be forever connected as parents of their son. The husband will not be out of her life. He will still have a presence, especially if the son lives with him.
They say in today's society we have unrealistic expectations of love and marriage and family and how to be with and treat each other. That through movies, books and movies, etc. we see only romance and flowers and if that isn't there or has gone missing, it is time to move on. That no one portrays the sacramental marriage. But if you ask any couple married over 50 years what the secret is, they always say things like "tolerance" and "patience" - never gooey love references.
My friend is a self-confessed control freak. The men in her life respond in one of two ways. They pay lip-service to her control and lie and cheat and she is unhappy. Or, they give in to her control and let her do it her way, because she insists on it, and she is unhappy. This is a pattern of many years. It will only change if she changes. She is the constant variable. She doesn't want to change.
If she is not going to change, why wreck the boy's life? Not that divorce automatically wrecks a child's life. It's just that for a successful divorce, you need two flexible, non control-freak people to co-parent and in this situation, that is doubtful. If the only thing that changes are the players in the game, but the game itself is the same, is the change worth it?
So, do I say that? Is it part of my responsibility as a good friend, wanting the best for her and her son, to mention this as food for thought? Or do I say nothing and keep my opinions to myself? Will she say years later, that I should have said something? Even though we are friends, is it really any of my business?
Is saying something being judgmental? Must support be silent?
How can I be friends with a mother who leaves her child? How can I love her and not judge that? I don't know if I have the ability to separate that.
I, more than anyone, know that marriage is hard. That divorce is hard. That starting over is hard, because of all the baggage that never leaves your side. I know this. Do I have a duty to share this information or do I just let her figure it out for herself? Would my choices have been different if someone had really told me? Would I have listened?
I feel like I am swimming around and against a whirlpool.
What should I do?
I pray about it all the time...
Love On Another...
Do Unto Others...
Harsh words spoken in love are still harsh words.
Sandy
June 17, 2007, 2nd reading
Reading II
Gal 2:16, 19-21
Brothers and sisters:
We who know that a person is not justified by works of the law
but through faith in Jesus Christ,
even we have believed in Christ Jesus
that we may be justified by faith in Christ
and not by works of the law,
because by works of the law no one will be justified.
For through the law I died to the law,
that I might live for God.
I have been crucified with Christ;
yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me;
insofar as I now live in the flesh,
I live by faith in the Son of God
who has loved me and given himself up for me.
I do not nullify the grace of God;
for if justification comes through the law,
then Christ died for nothing.
Gal 2:16, 19-21
Brothers and sisters:
We who know that a person is not justified by works of the law
but through faith in Jesus Christ,
even we have believed in Christ Jesus
that we may be justified by faith in Christ
and not by works of the law,
because by works of the law no one will be justified.
For through the law I died to the law,
that I might live for God.
I have been crucified with Christ;
yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me;
insofar as I now live in the flesh,
I live by faith in the Son of God
who has loved me and given himself up for me.
I do not nullify the grace of God;
for if justification comes through the law,
then Christ died for nothing.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
This Sunday's mass, 2nd reading
| Romans 5: 1 - 5 | |
| 1 | Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. |
| 2 | Through him we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God. |
| 3 | More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, |
| 4 | and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, |
| 5 | and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. |
Friday, June 01, 2007
Another Paula Deen Convert
So, in my efforts to embrace all things southern, I bought a copy of Paula Deen's Quick and Easy Meals magazine and I have poured through it over and over (as has my daughter).
And last night I made my first recipe, a chicken and pasta dish. I think it goes without saying that it was delicious but HOLY SMOKES PAULA DEENERS, ARE YOUR ARTERIES STILL OPEN???
Now I realize that the southern diet is quite different from my northern one...but I'm only in Canada and on the East Coast - that just means more seafood. I have never cooked a recipe that has lots of butter, bacon and heavy cream in it all at the same time. I mean who fries their bacon in butter? And the heavy cream that I could find wasn't as heavy as what she was calling for. Even my husband, who was drooling, wondered what that was and how much was I going to put in.
Since I could hear my arteries clogging over, I had to make a few alterations to the recipe. I just couldn't not. Or else I thought I'd have a heart attack right at the table. Even with my changes, the meal was SOOOOO good and very impressive and easy. I even thought I could make it for company it was so good (and I'm quite shy about entertaining) but since my Red Cross First Aid has expired I wondered if I should dare :).
However, awesome leftovers for lunch. There are many more recipes I'm going to try and I just have to make sure I schedule in a walk after supper.
She's my new hero!
Sandy
And last night I made my first recipe, a chicken and pasta dish. I think it goes without saying that it was delicious but HOLY SMOKES PAULA DEENERS, ARE YOUR ARTERIES STILL OPEN???
Now I realize that the southern diet is quite different from my northern one...but I'm only in Canada and on the East Coast - that just means more seafood. I have never cooked a recipe that has lots of butter, bacon and heavy cream in it all at the same time. I mean who fries their bacon in butter? And the heavy cream that I could find wasn't as heavy as what she was calling for. Even my husband, who was drooling, wondered what that was and how much was I going to put in.
Since I could hear my arteries clogging over, I had to make a few alterations to the recipe. I just couldn't not. Or else I thought I'd have a heart attack right at the table. Even with my changes, the meal was SOOOOO good and very impressive and easy. I even thought I could make it for company it was so good (and I'm quite shy about entertaining) but since my Red Cross First Aid has expired I wondered if I should dare :).
However, awesome leftovers for lunch. There are many more recipes I'm going to try and I just have to make sure I schedule in a walk after supper.
She's my new hero!
Sandy
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Heaven
Do you ever think about heaven?
I was thinking about it the other night.
I had always imagined Heaven as a glorious, English garden on a spectacularly sunny, summer day and everyone is wearing white, like in the 1920s. Everyone is there and there is music and in the centre of the garden is Jesus and God on park benches patiently answering all our questions. Sort of like an outdoor garden party/picnic and I'm on the blanket at the foot of God, finally starting to figure it all out.
Then I started thinking about when people die and we say they are in heaven looking down on us. But if I was in heaven looking down on the people I left behind, wouldn't I feel sad because I knew all the answers and they would still be struggling and that would be hard for me to watch? So I would be sad. But you can't be sad because it's heaven.
Then I thought of how it was just God in heaven alone before anything. Before the universe was created, the planets and stars and eventually earth and the Seven Days. Now I think God was alone in heaven because there wasn't anyone else to be there and when there were people, they couldn't go because Jesus hadn't died yet.
But, it was still heaven.
God is in heaven. God is of heaven. God is heaven.
Being with God is heaven. That's it. That's all.
I may still be able to see everyone at the garden party and I may be able to look down on those still living, but I guess those things are only perks.
Some kind of super-natural, connecting at a higher level, non-earthly existence.
I was just thinking about it.
Sandy
I was thinking about it the other night.
I had always imagined Heaven as a glorious, English garden on a spectacularly sunny, summer day and everyone is wearing white, like in the 1920s. Everyone is there and there is music and in the centre of the garden is Jesus and God on park benches patiently answering all our questions. Sort of like an outdoor garden party/picnic and I'm on the blanket at the foot of God, finally starting to figure it all out.
Then I started thinking about when people die and we say they are in heaven looking down on us. But if I was in heaven looking down on the people I left behind, wouldn't I feel sad because I knew all the answers and they would still be struggling and that would be hard for me to watch? So I would be sad. But you can't be sad because it's heaven.
Then I thought of how it was just God in heaven alone before anything. Before the universe was created, the planets and stars and eventually earth and the Seven Days. Now I think God was alone in heaven because there wasn't anyone else to be there and when there were people, they couldn't go because Jesus hadn't died yet.
But, it was still heaven.
God is in heaven. God is of heaven. God is heaven.
Being with God is heaven. That's it. That's all.
I may still be able to see everyone at the garden party and I may be able to look down on those still living, but I guess those things are only perks.
Some kind of super-natural, connecting at a higher level, non-earthly existence.
I was just thinking about it.
Sandy
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Finally, the heat has arrived!
Finally some heat!! Some real, honest-to-goodness heat. I'm mean hot. Yes Sir, it was hot today in my backyard.
We had about 8 days of cool, rainy, drizzly, cloudy, enough-already weather. On the upside, the grass sure is green!
But today. Positively hot and sweaty. And of course this afternoon is the time I decided to try out the new lawnmower for the first time. My face got so red it looked like my head was going to pop off my neck.
I went to a Magnificat Breakfast this morning. It was my first time. These breakfasts are held twice a year with the theme being a special devotion to Mary, the mother of our Lord.
Very interesting. As much as I love and honour Mary, I'm not one who has a special connection to her. That's fine. I'd heard about the breakfasts for a long time and I really wanted to "go and see". At these things I have to make myself not get so over-sensitive over the little things. You know, when someone says something that rubs you the wrong way (mostly because of where you are in your own life). I tend to "show them" and shut down and not listen when I get annoyed or frustrated, but I soldiered on and it really was a lovely morning. We sang, prayed and a lady witnessed to us with her conversion story. It is so interesting and inspiring hearing the journeys of others.
One lady there had 10 kids and 30 grandkids, and expecting the 31st in the fall. And that mom-to-be was there and that 31st grandbaby was going to be that mom's seventh child. HOLY SMOKE! And she looked like she was 15. Honestly, tiny and very happy with her basketball bump in her tummy. Amazing!
Well, I'm off to a movie in air-conditioning comfort. With a friend who's highly stressed because she thinks she wants to leave her husband :( I hope the movie's good.
Sandy
We had about 8 days of cool, rainy, drizzly, cloudy, enough-already weather. On the upside, the grass sure is green!
But today. Positively hot and sweaty. And of course this afternoon is the time I decided to try out the new lawnmower for the first time. My face got so red it looked like my head was going to pop off my neck.
I went to a Magnificat Breakfast this morning. It was my first time. These breakfasts are held twice a year with the theme being a special devotion to Mary, the mother of our Lord.
Very interesting. As much as I love and honour Mary, I'm not one who has a special connection to her. That's fine. I'd heard about the breakfasts for a long time and I really wanted to "go and see". At these things I have to make myself not get so over-sensitive over the little things. You know, when someone says something that rubs you the wrong way (mostly because of where you are in your own life). I tend to "show them" and shut down and not listen when I get annoyed or frustrated, but I soldiered on and it really was a lovely morning. We sang, prayed and a lady witnessed to us with her conversion story. It is so interesting and inspiring hearing the journeys of others.
One lady there had 10 kids and 30 grandkids, and expecting the 31st in the fall. And that mom-to-be was there and that 31st grandbaby was going to be that mom's seventh child. HOLY SMOKE! And she looked like she was 15. Honestly, tiny and very happy with her basketball bump in her tummy. Amazing!
Well, I'm off to a movie in air-conditioning comfort. With a friend who's highly stressed because she thinks she wants to leave her husband :( I hope the movie's good.
Sandy
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Those Southern United States
Being from the north and all (Canada), I have always been fascinated by those southern United States.
I have been to Florida twice and the airport in Georgia (on the way to Florida), but since both vacations centered around Disney World and all forms of Mickey Mouse, I feel I haven't really been "to the south".
I love Steel Magnolias - I have seen the movie over and over and actually just bought the DVD. I loved Designing Women! I wanted to BE a Shugarbaker (sp?). I used think Savannah was my dream vacation location. But now my itinerary has grown and grown.
And the food - all things I know NOTHING about: collard greens, catfish, grits (I mean really, what is a grit and you eat it??). Mint Julips, magnolia trees, sweet tea - WHAT IS SWEET TEA!
The accent - the drawl, how I love it.
And BooMama. I need to go to the place where the things she writes about are true. The comments people make are amazing and I need to be there for myself, to see it and taste it and live it.
Now I know there is no place like home. And I'm a Maritimer through and through. But before I die, I need to get to those southern United States!
Y'all :)
Sandy
I have been to Florida twice and the airport in Georgia (on the way to Florida), but since both vacations centered around Disney World and all forms of Mickey Mouse, I feel I haven't really been "to the south".
I love Steel Magnolias - I have seen the movie over and over and actually just bought the DVD. I loved Designing Women! I wanted to BE a Shugarbaker (sp?). I used think Savannah was my dream vacation location. But now my itinerary has grown and grown.
And the food - all things I know NOTHING about: collard greens, catfish, grits (I mean really, what is a grit and you eat it??). Mint Julips, magnolia trees, sweet tea - WHAT IS SWEET TEA!
The accent - the drawl, how I love it.
And BooMama. I need to go to the place where the things she writes about are true. The comments people make are amazing and I need to be there for myself, to see it and taste it and live it.
Now I know there is no place like home. And I'm a Maritimer through and through. But before I die, I need to get to those southern United States!
Y'all :)
Sandy
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Busy Doing Nothing
You know when you have those weeks when you've been busy, but when someone asks you what you've been doing, you say "nothin'". It's been like that around here.
The main culprit seems to be the viral lung infection my daughter is living with.
She has this cough. You know, the "hack-up-a-lung, the make-yourself-vomit-in-school cough". Very uncool for the seventh grade :( So, she had it for seven days. And let me say, never in her entire life, has she ever had a real cough.
So finally after a week I thought I should take her to the doc for the "check-up", assuming it was the never-ending cold going around school since grade primary and all would be well.
Wrong. First she was wheezing so hard the doc couldn't even listen to her lungs. So they put her on a mask for 10 minutes and re-checked. Then they sent us to emergency to get a chest x-ray because they suspected pneumonia (which I have since learned my daughter has been exposed to) or whooping cough (with out local outbreak of the mumps, immunizations are in question). In the end, no sign of pneumonia so far and seems to be a viral lung infection (no antibiotics) that will have to work itself out. We have now joined the ranks of thousands and had to get the "puffer". She has a follow-up appt in two weeks and hopefully all will be well. So she is sleeping MUCH better and her head, chest and throat are MUCH less sore.
So that's what I've been doing.
And, oh yeah, 2 weeks ago she went on her 4-day class class trip and we totally re-did her bedroom as a surprise. Very purple!
And then yesterday, we learned that out priest has been assigned a new parish and will be leaving the end of June. Even though we knew it was coming, it is VERY SAD. So I made an appt with him today and we just chatted like old times for about 45 minutes. Now I feel like I've had my time with him and it will help me not feel so bad (I hope) when he leaves. I told him I was going to write him a letter to "say good-bye" because if I did it in person, it wouldn't be fun for anyone - what with all the sobbing and clinging and what-have-you. We know who the new priest will be. He seems nice. I even went to him for confession at Easter and he was great. Very helpful and personable, so I have high hopes - although the negativity is already out there from people who "know him from before..." Why can't people be positive and assume the best until proved wrong?
Oh, and did I mention that it was Mother's Day, the day we spent in emergency. It was a beautiful day though - I could see it from the hospital window :)
Life marching on...
Sandy
The main culprit seems to be the viral lung infection my daughter is living with.
She has this cough. You know, the "hack-up-a-lung, the make-yourself-vomit-in-school cough". Very uncool for the seventh grade :( So, she had it for seven days. And let me say, never in her entire life, has she ever had a real cough.
So finally after a week I thought I should take her to the doc for the "check-up", assuming it was the never-ending cold going around school since grade primary and all would be well.
Wrong. First she was wheezing so hard the doc couldn't even listen to her lungs. So they put her on a mask for 10 minutes and re-checked. Then they sent us to emergency to get a chest x-ray because they suspected pneumonia (which I have since learned my daughter has been exposed to) or whooping cough (with out local outbreak of the mumps, immunizations are in question). In the end, no sign of pneumonia so far and seems to be a viral lung infection (no antibiotics) that will have to work itself out. We have now joined the ranks of thousands and had to get the "puffer". She has a follow-up appt in two weeks and hopefully all will be well. So she is sleeping MUCH better and her head, chest and throat are MUCH less sore.
So that's what I've been doing.
And, oh yeah, 2 weeks ago she went on her 4-day class class trip and we totally re-did her bedroom as a surprise. Very purple!
And then yesterday, we learned that out priest has been assigned a new parish and will be leaving the end of June. Even though we knew it was coming, it is VERY SAD. So I made an appt with him today and we just chatted like old times for about 45 minutes. Now I feel like I've had my time with him and it will help me not feel so bad (I hope) when he leaves. I told him I was going to write him a letter to "say good-bye" because if I did it in person, it wouldn't be fun for anyone - what with all the sobbing and clinging and what-have-you. We know who the new priest will be. He seems nice. I even went to him for confession at Easter and he was great. Very helpful and personable, so I have high hopes - although the negativity is already out there from people who "know him from before..." Why can't people be positive and assume the best until proved wrong?
Oh, and did I mention that it was Mother's Day, the day we spent in emergency. It was a beautiful day though - I could see it from the hospital window :)
Life marching on...
Sandy
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Random Seven Meme
I've been tagged Bev to do a Random 7 meme...hmmm, 7 random facts/habits:
1. I still check on my daughter every night before I go to bed - to make sure she's still breathing :). And yes, she will be 13 this August. But I'm sure if I went to bed without checking, I'd get up, so I may as well do it anyway.
2. I think I'm really addicted to sugar. I came by it honestly, but it's reached a whole new level - complete with withdrawal symptoms when I try to cut back. And I like the cheap, little-kids penny candy and only milk chocolate, none of that dark stuff.
3. I am honestly surprised how much I am still growing (and although "wider" counts, I was thinking more along the lines of "maturing"). I really thought that by 40 I'd have it all figured out and I'd would just "live-out" the rest of my years. However, now that I've made this discovery, the pressure is off to know what I am doing and I feel a great sense of freedom.
4. I am a LONG TERM PLANNER. My family long-term plans and I had a job for 7 years that was planning 3-24 months in advance at all times. So I have to work really hard to live in the present and enjoy it without knowing what's going on in the next few months.
5. Surprising to all, especially me, I'm becoming a decent cook. I have a love/hate relationship with food (I have IBS and Celiac Disease) and I can't smell, which affects the whole tasting/aroma thing. But thanks to bloggers and the inter-web I must say sometimes I even surprise myself :)
6. I am a speed-reading readaholic. It's my favorite thing ever. Books need to be at least 300 - 400 pages or they probably won't get read. I need at least 2-3 waiting at all times or I get antsy. I mostly read fiction, it's my escape. If I could be anything when I grow up, it would be a best-selling author. Some people are amazing story-tellers!
7. I love to sleep in - I mean seriously sleep-in. When I was a teenager my goal was to sleep in longer than my Dad (he only had one day a week to sleep-in). So I can stay in my bed, dozing off and on, sleeping or just lying there for hours. But I don't get to do that too often. And I am always amazed at how much can get done when you get up early on the weekends - not enough to get me up, but enough to keep me occasionally amazed :)
I'll tag seven people who's blogs I read: Sarah at In The Midst Of It, Carolyn at A Prairie View, Everyday Mommy, Rocking Chairs and Rainbows, A Chelsea Morning, Rocks in my Dryer and Welcome to Granny's House.
Sandy
PS Don't forgot to keep praying for Heather and Kelli
1. I still check on my daughter every night before I go to bed - to make sure she's still breathing :). And yes, she will be 13 this August. But I'm sure if I went to bed without checking, I'd get up, so I may as well do it anyway.
2. I think I'm really addicted to sugar. I came by it honestly, but it's reached a whole new level - complete with withdrawal symptoms when I try to cut back. And I like the cheap, little-kids penny candy and only milk chocolate, none of that dark stuff.
3. I am honestly surprised how much I am still growing (and although "wider" counts, I was thinking more along the lines of "maturing"). I really thought that by 40 I'd have it all figured out and I'd would just "live-out" the rest of my years. However, now that I've made this discovery, the pressure is off to know what I am doing and I feel a great sense of freedom.
4. I am a LONG TERM PLANNER. My family long-term plans and I had a job for 7 years that was planning 3-24 months in advance at all times. So I have to work really hard to live in the present and enjoy it without knowing what's going on in the next few months.
5. Surprising to all, especially me, I'm becoming a decent cook. I have a love/hate relationship with food (I have IBS and Celiac Disease) and I can't smell, which affects the whole tasting/aroma thing. But thanks to bloggers and the inter-web I must say sometimes I even surprise myself :)
6. I am a speed-reading readaholic. It's my favorite thing ever. Books need to be at least 300 - 400 pages or they probably won't get read. I need at least 2-3 waiting at all times or I get antsy. I mostly read fiction, it's my escape. If I could be anything when I grow up, it would be a best-selling author. Some people are amazing story-tellers!
7. I love to sleep in - I mean seriously sleep-in. When I was a teenager my goal was to sleep in longer than my Dad (he only had one day a week to sleep-in). So I can stay in my bed, dozing off and on, sleeping or just lying there for hours. But I don't get to do that too often. And I am always amazed at how much can get done when you get up early on the weekends - not enough to get me up, but enough to keep me occasionally amazed :)
I'll tag seven people who's blogs I read: Sarah at In The Midst Of It, Carolyn at A Prairie View, Everyday Mommy, Rocking Chairs and Rainbows, A Chelsea Morning, Rocks in my Dryer and Welcome to Granny's House.
Sandy
PS Don't forgot to keep praying for Heather and Kelli
Thursday, May 03, 2007
For Heather
Dear Heavenly Father,
Today we lift up your daughter Heather to you. Keep her safe and not afraid. Comfort her family as they wait. Guide the doctors and nurses. Have all the machinery working properly. Let there be a feeling of recovery and optimism surrounding her. She has taught us to praise You through all, to see everything as Your gift and to not be frightened as You are always with us.
Give peace especially to her children. They are young. They want her and need her. Send them others to comfort and reassure them until their mother and father and grandparents return to them.
We give thanks always for You, our creator, the one who loves us more than we can comprehend.
Dearest Heather. I pray that You do not leave her side, not even for a second.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen
ps: Kelli - I couldn't commit to a time, I knew I'd be praying all day long :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Melissa
Kelli will be having a prayer chain for Heather's upcoming surgery and recovery.
Heather's story is remarkable. Faced with so many challenges, she remains steadfast and firm in her faith, despite her fears and vunerability.
I follow Heather's story very closely. I don't know her personally and she lives a country away but her situation is very similar to one I have just gone through.
I had a friend Melissa. She had three children like Heather. Two girls and a boy, like Heather. Her youngest has autism, like Heather's. She was diagnosed with in-operable, terminal brain cancer, like Heather.
Melissa lived years past her diagnosis and was an inspiration to many. She didn't start her journey with a faith like Heather's, but was very open to and grateful for prayer and God, and in the end, regularly met with a minister.
She spent her last year in the hospital and the nurses and everyone loved her. She stayed positive to the end.
Last week I attended her funeral. It was very sad. But she left such a legacy. I could see it on the faces of people.
These things happen. I am coming to terms with that. As I follow Heather's story I remember Melissa's. Heather helps me remember Melissa's spirit and positivity and fight and resoluteness - to the end.
Melissa always said that she was glad it was happening to her - she didn't want it to happen to any of her family and friends. It was like she took on that burden for us. I could never understand that - how could she be so strong and willing and accepting? So selfless?
I think about Heather and her family and friends a lot. I pray that through their suffering, they are united with Christ and receive God's graces in such a special way.
Please take part in the prayer chain for Heather.
Sandy
Heather's story is remarkable. Faced with so many challenges, she remains steadfast and firm in her faith, despite her fears and vunerability.
I follow Heather's story very closely. I don't know her personally and she lives a country away but her situation is very similar to one I have just gone through.
I had a friend Melissa. She had three children like Heather. Two girls and a boy, like Heather. Her youngest has autism, like Heather's. She was diagnosed with in-operable, terminal brain cancer, like Heather.
Melissa lived years past her diagnosis and was an inspiration to many. She didn't start her journey with a faith like Heather's, but was very open to and grateful for prayer and God, and in the end, regularly met with a minister.
She spent her last year in the hospital and the nurses and everyone loved her. She stayed positive to the end.
Last week I attended her funeral. It was very sad. But she left such a legacy. I could see it on the faces of people.
These things happen. I am coming to terms with that. As I follow Heather's story I remember Melissa's. Heather helps me remember Melissa's spirit and positivity and fight and resoluteness - to the end.
Melissa always said that she was glad it was happening to her - she didn't want it to happen to any of her family and friends. It was like she took on that burden for us. I could never understand that - how could she be so strong and willing and accepting? So selfless?
I think about Heather and her family and friends a lot. I pray that through their suffering, they are united with Christ and receive God's graces in such a special way.
Please take part in the prayer chain for Heather.
Sandy
Friday, April 27, 2007
Peace and Contentment
This past weekend I attended the 1st Annual Catholic Womens' Weekend of Grace (Atlantic provinces).
It was amazing. 300 women in one or two rooms. We had an awesome keynote speaker who spoke four times and other ladies sharing as well, there was Praise and Worship, Adoration, Mass, Healing/Reconciliation, the Rosary, Gifts of the Spirit Discernment workshop, and just time - time together, time with the Lord, just time to stop and be.
As I write this I realize that I will never really be able to articulately capture what happened on paper since it is a jumble of feelings and experiences and sentences will be thoroughly lacking.
It was a first in our area. A scary, unpredictable first. The response was inspiring. All these Catholic women praising, and singing and sharing and loving (even some speaking in tongues - no small event in a traditional Catholic setting), young to old, each in a different spot in their journeys. No men can make a difference and I mean that in the most respectful and loving way. The priests were their for mass and reconciliation but they were well aware they were on "our" turf.
My sister came. She hasn't been in a church environment for four years and has a couple of difficult years ahead of her and she needed "her tank filled". She's not Catholic. So it wasn't "the same" for her and intense for me (trying to answer all the "whys" and "how comes"). However the speakers were marvelous as well as the gifts workshop, so she got filled. How could you not with the Holy Spirit everywhere? I know now that I was distracted by my sister, more than I thought I would be, so worried about how she would take everything. I wasn't looking for acceptance, just no judgement. That ended up so-so. But I was there with very good friends and loved the speakers and I just loved being a part of it. Lessons learned. A couple of "A HA" moments.
Women "know", you know. Women have been through it. Whatever "it" may be, someone can relate. Christian women are in a league all their own. I love that.
We are daughters of God. He is the King and we are His princesses. We are so special to him as women and he loves that we are women. He wants us to be women. He made us different from men on purpose, for His purpose(s). Very freeing.
The speaker spoke a lot about obedience. To be obedient. To not justify or figure out or plan or organize. To do. We are not responsible for the results - that is God's job. We are obey Him and what He wants of us. He will take care of the rest. How freeing.
That He is to be our first thought, first priority. If we do that, the rest will fall into place. How freeing.
Like Heather - she is keeping Him and His will so uppermost in her mind and heart, and she is rolling along, having options revealed, support provided and being comforted and strengthened in her journey. She is not stopping. She is moving forward, following Him, even in all this stress.
My friend Ann was just here, sharing what she got out of the weekend. Lives will be changed. Thought processes, priorities, personal goals will be shifted.
"Wherever two or more are gathered in my name..."
A privilege for me. A lesson, a time of hope and renewal, peace.
How I long for peace and contentment. It doesn't seem like such a foreign concept anymore. The actuality of peace and contentment is becoming less fuzzy and less vague. Seemingly more attainable. Not a day-dream or fantasy. But a reality that I could concieveably live in.
Now that's a nice thought.
Sandy
It was amazing. 300 women in one or two rooms. We had an awesome keynote speaker who spoke four times and other ladies sharing as well, there was Praise and Worship, Adoration, Mass, Healing/Reconciliation, the Rosary, Gifts of the Spirit Discernment workshop, and just time - time together, time with the Lord, just time to stop and be.
As I write this I realize that I will never really be able to articulately capture what happened on paper since it is a jumble of feelings and experiences and sentences will be thoroughly lacking.
It was a first in our area. A scary, unpredictable first. The response was inspiring. All these Catholic women praising, and singing and sharing and loving (even some speaking in tongues - no small event in a traditional Catholic setting), young to old, each in a different spot in their journeys. No men can make a difference and I mean that in the most respectful and loving way. The priests were their for mass and reconciliation but they were well aware they were on "our" turf.
My sister came. She hasn't been in a church environment for four years and has a couple of difficult years ahead of her and she needed "her tank filled". She's not Catholic. So it wasn't "the same" for her and intense for me (trying to answer all the "whys" and "how comes"). However the speakers were marvelous as well as the gifts workshop, so she got filled. How could you not with the Holy Spirit everywhere? I know now that I was distracted by my sister, more than I thought I would be, so worried about how she would take everything. I wasn't looking for acceptance, just no judgement. That ended up so-so. But I was there with very good friends and loved the speakers and I just loved being a part of it. Lessons learned. A couple of "A HA" moments.
Women "know", you know. Women have been through it. Whatever "it" may be, someone can relate. Christian women are in a league all their own. I love that.
We are daughters of God. He is the King and we are His princesses. We are so special to him as women and he loves that we are women. He wants us to be women. He made us different from men on purpose, for His purpose(s). Very freeing.
The speaker spoke a lot about obedience. To be obedient. To not justify or figure out or plan or organize. To do. We are not responsible for the results - that is God's job. We are obey Him and what He wants of us. He will take care of the rest. How freeing.
That He is to be our first thought, first priority. If we do that, the rest will fall into place. How freeing.
Like Heather - she is keeping Him and His will so uppermost in her mind and heart, and she is rolling along, having options revealed, support provided and being comforted and strengthened in her journey. She is not stopping. She is moving forward, following Him, even in all this stress.
My friend Ann was just here, sharing what she got out of the weekend. Lives will be changed. Thought processes, priorities, personal goals will be shifted.
"Wherever two or more are gathered in my name..."
A privilege for me. A lesson, a time of hope and renewal, peace.
How I long for peace and contentment. It doesn't seem like such a foreign concept anymore. The actuality of peace and contentment is becoming less fuzzy and less vague. Seemingly more attainable. Not a day-dream or fantasy. But a reality that I could concieveably live in.
Now that's a nice thought.
Sandy
Friday, April 20, 2007
Dear Heavenly Father
Dear Heavenly Father, My King, the Creator of all,
Thank you.
Thank you for Heather, BooMama and all the internets who have come together to forge a Christian sisterhood. A network of women to care for each other, pray for each other and support each other. For providing opportunities to unite our suffering with Yours. To help us help carry the burdens of others. To provide ministering to those in need. A chance to see the face of Jesus Christ in one of our own, right next to us or over the bloggy airwaves.
Thank you for the sun shining bright in the sky, warming the air in my face. I have longed for springtime all week. It has been long, cold, windy, rainy wait. But as usual, in your time and your wisdom, you have brought out the sun the day my sister is coming and that will make her happy.
Thank you that my sister is coming for the Weekend of Grace retreat. Thank you for telling Doug, her husband, that she needed to come and making it possible. Please bless her with graces and mercies and focus. I worried she may become distracted in a room full of (awesome) Catholic women. Please don't let the Catholicism overshadow the Christianity and the opportunity to spend some real, uninterrupted quality time with you. Please put women in her path who will encourage her, befriend her and love her.
Please be with our husbands and children as they survive the weekend without us. I ask for patience and enthusiasm for the husbands and cooperation and patience for the children. Bless their time together to know they are a family on their own.
Be with my Marly. It was a hard night last night.
Be with Virginia Tech. Please bless them with your peace. I am worried about the soul of that young man. His eternity may be a very long time.
Please bless all the internets. These amazing women and families who are living the lives you gave them. With their own struggles, victories, choices to make. How I long to touch all of them. To see their faces. They are all now a part of my personal framework and terms of reference. You have taught me so much through them. Most of all, that the world is a small place. That "geography" is just a word. That we can have relationships with people far away. That we can love them as you love us. That we can spread your love and your word. That we can witness, minister, support and laugh with people we may never meet. And it's just like they are in our own backyards.
Please keep everyone that I know and love, safe and sound. And grant them Your peace.
I love you.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
Thank you.
Thank you for Heather, BooMama and all the internets who have come together to forge a Christian sisterhood. A network of women to care for each other, pray for each other and support each other. For providing opportunities to unite our suffering with Yours. To help us help carry the burdens of others. To provide ministering to those in need. A chance to see the face of Jesus Christ in one of our own, right next to us or over the bloggy airwaves.
Thank you for the sun shining bright in the sky, warming the air in my face. I have longed for springtime all week. It has been long, cold, windy, rainy wait. But as usual, in your time and your wisdom, you have brought out the sun the day my sister is coming and that will make her happy.
Thank you that my sister is coming for the Weekend of Grace retreat. Thank you for telling Doug, her husband, that she needed to come and making it possible. Please bless her with graces and mercies and focus. I worried she may become distracted in a room full of (awesome) Catholic women. Please don't let the Catholicism overshadow the Christianity and the opportunity to spend some real, uninterrupted quality time with you. Please put women in her path who will encourage her, befriend her and love her.
Please be with our husbands and children as they survive the weekend without us. I ask for patience and enthusiasm for the husbands and cooperation and patience for the children. Bless their time together to know they are a family on their own.
Be with my Marly. It was a hard night last night.
Be with Virginia Tech. Please bless them with your peace. I am worried about the soul of that young man. His eternity may be a very long time.
Please bless all the internets. These amazing women and families who are living the lives you gave them. With their own struggles, victories, choices to make. How I long to touch all of them. To see their faces. They are all now a part of my personal framework and terms of reference. You have taught me so much through them. Most of all, that the world is a small place. That "geography" is just a word. That we can have relationships with people far away. That we can love them as you love us. That we can spread your love and your word. That we can witness, minister, support and laugh with people we may never meet. And it's just like they are in our own backyards.
Please keep everyone that I know and love, safe and sound. And grant them Your peace.
I love you.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Good News
Good news is getting two bills in the mail, checking on them on the computer and finding out you've already paid them.
That's Good News :)
Sandy
That's Good News :)
Sandy
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
So I Think I May Quit
So, I've been thinking about leaving bloggetyville. No great loss since the blog is only for me.
I don't like feeling helpless. In my own life I often feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do. Friends and family are in trouble, in need of help. Lives are out of control. Life can be hard. It's hard watching those you love having a hard time. Watching the local news is hard. I decided long ago to be informed but not inundated with world events. I watch the evening news and listen to the radio in the car but I do not read the paper and we do not have the 24 hours news channels. I find I get very caught up in the whole thing. We were in Maine when Hurricane Katrina arrived and I became obsessed with Anderson Cooper.
It's very stressful. And my IBS does not like stress.
Then Heather announced her diagnosis. I couldn't believe it. Why her? Worse, I already have a friend here at home diagnosed with brain cancer who has 2 girls and a boy and the youngest child is autistic. I could not believe it was happening again.
And Sarah with Addison.
And so on.
It's so hard.
I can't escape my own life but the people in bloggetyville I have consciously invited into my life and I have learned from them and laughed with them...I never thought I'd get attached and cry for them at night.
It was supposed to be a fun hobby.
Then Virginia Tech.
I can cry at the drop of a hat. I rant in my kitchen "Where is the gun control?" "What about that boy's soul?"
"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?????"
Then I read the posts of Heather and Sarah and I feel bad and stupid because I am so inspired by what they write and how they live. Their perseverance and senses of humor and life lessons and faith lessons.
If they can get through these struggles (and the struggles are happening to them afterall), who am I to get so depressed and down and frustrated? It is their lives that are affected. I don't even know them. It's almost insulting for me to take it personally and, at the very least, it isn't helpful or useful at all. It is so lame of me that I learn from them. Don't they have enough to do without ministering to me as well? How selfish can I be?
So I pray and wish and hope and pray and donate and wish and hope and pray.
That's all I can do :(
Sandy
I don't like feeling helpless. In my own life I often feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do. Friends and family are in trouble, in need of help. Lives are out of control. Life can be hard. It's hard watching those you love having a hard time. Watching the local news is hard. I decided long ago to be informed but not inundated with world events. I watch the evening news and listen to the radio in the car but I do not read the paper and we do not have the 24 hours news channels. I find I get very caught up in the whole thing. We were in Maine when Hurricane Katrina arrived and I became obsessed with Anderson Cooper.
It's very stressful. And my IBS does not like stress.
Then Heather announced her diagnosis. I couldn't believe it. Why her? Worse, I already have a friend here at home diagnosed with brain cancer who has 2 girls and a boy and the youngest child is autistic. I could not believe it was happening again.
And Sarah with Addison.
And so on.
It's so hard.
I can't escape my own life but the people in bloggetyville I have consciously invited into my life and I have learned from them and laughed with them...I never thought I'd get attached and cry for them at night.
It was supposed to be a fun hobby.
Then Virginia Tech.
I can cry at the drop of a hat. I rant in my kitchen "Where is the gun control?" "What about that boy's soul?"
"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?????"
Then I read the posts of Heather and Sarah and I feel bad and stupid because I am so inspired by what they write and how they live. Their perseverance and senses of humor and life lessons and faith lessons.
If they can get through these struggles (and the struggles are happening to them afterall), who am I to get so depressed and down and frustrated? It is their lives that are affected. I don't even know them. It's almost insulting for me to take it personally and, at the very least, it isn't helpful or useful at all. It is so lame of me that I learn from them. Don't they have enough to do without ministering to me as well? How selfish can I be?
So I pray and wish and hope and pray and donate and wish and hope and pray.
That's all I can do :(
Sandy
Loving On Heather
Today is the day to love on Heather and her family. Click on the button to read her story.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Ukrainian Easter Eggs
I love a good craft. Especially one that comes together relatively quickly and looks amazing even when it's quite easy. Ta da...the Ukrainian Easter Egg!
Years ago I went to a little easter egg workshop with my sister and mother - and my egg's design was freehand and that of a child's freehand - if you get my meaning. Then a couple of years ago I tried again with some friends and I did a more complicated design but only managed one half of the egg - the front half (how convenient for displaying purposes). My Mom has both of the eggs in her Easter egg collection.
Since last summer, I have become quite good friends with a lady from my neighborhood and church. I love a new friend, all those fresh ideas, opinions, opportunities, etc. I love discovering new people and who they are.
Well, it turns out that my friend is an "egg-cellent" Ukrainian Easter egg crafter. And, the best part, she invited me over, updated my skills and I have made two eggs.
You know what it's like to go camping with an experienced and serious camper - they have ALL THE STUFF. Well she has all the stuff. All the dyes, patterns, hints, everything.
We had a great time, "cracking up" and laughing and crafting. I love these eggs - even if they are basic or have mistakes in them, they always look impressive. Even my daughter wanted to know "where I BOUGHT the egg"!
And we have decided to keep working on them after Easter and make Christmas tree ornament eggs. The patterns are intricate and have special meanings - Christian-based and nature-based.
You can make one in a couple of hours and you feel so accomplished :)
Now that I'm starting my own egg collection, the Easter Bunny will have to stick with chocolate eggs - it's a "win-win" situation.
Sandy
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Confession is good for my soul
As a child, and all through my growing up years in my home church (United Baptist), forgiveness was a big deal. As it should be. To talk directly to God, confess my sins to him, and be forgiven (and of course to pledge to try very hard not to do it again). Imagine. What a gift we have been given. I had no problem with asking for forgiveness. I have no problem saying I'm sorry. I don't mind facing myself and all my flaws. To ask for another chance. To try again to be the person that Christ would have me be. To live a life that would glorify God. I know that I am a sinner. I am grateful for any hope He might have for me.
When I was in my early 20s, I moved to Toronto (our nation's biggest city) to get a job. I was there for two years. For the second year there I lived with my boyfriend. I felt really bad about that. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He came to visit from NS and was supposed to get a job and find his own place. I didn't want to live with him. Anyway, the visit lasted for a year and we became an old married couple before our time. When we moved back, I told him to get his own place, I was moving in with a girlfriend - but I digress. I did a lot of traveling with my job and went through many towns, large and small. As I was working in one town I was compelled to go to the Catholic Church to confess my living arrangement. So I just walked in and spoke to the priest. He didn't seem to have a problem with hearing the confession of a Baptist girl, so I stayed and confessed and he understood and absolved. Of course, asking for forgiveness always makes me feel better.
I stayed five years too long in my first marriage, mostly because of the vows I made before God. I didn't want to break my promise to Him. I didn't want to be a failure. I didn't think He would ever forgive me.
I did divorce and years later, three days before my second marriage (I couldn't even get married in a church, we got married at the Law Courts) I had crisis of conscious. Although I had asked for forgiveness many times for the end of my first marriage, I just felt that it didn't "take". I called a minister from my home town. This lady was the mother of a childhood friend who had always given me sound, spiritual advice. I went to see her when my first marriage was failing. She is a gentle, soft-spoken lady who I can listen to. She became a minister. So I called her out of the blue, late at night, three days before my second marriage and talked and talked. She told me that I was forgiven, but sometimes, as humans, we need to hear it being said, out loud. So she told me that God forgave me.
When I became a Catholic in 2000, I embraced going to confession. I know there is great controversy over general absolution vs private confession. That there are scores of bad priests who have scarred generations of kids. That how could saying the Our Father ten times be penance? Confession has a troubled past, I get that. But none of it applies to me. I like to go. I believe that God is reaching me through that priest. And when that priest sees me outside of the Confessional, he is not seeing my sins AKA dirty laundry so I'm not worried about that. I like going and I want my daughter to not mind it so she will continue.
Last night, was the Reconciliation Service before Easter. We went. And I am going to tell you about it.
Had the service, stood in line and waited my turn.
This is a priest I don't know. I have seen him in meetings. He's the only priest I have ever heard curse and he calls our priest "Jimmy" (we call him Father Jim). So I'm waiting and wondering...and preparing what I'm going to say of course.
My turn.
The coolest thing ever about confession is I hardly ever end up talking about what I had planned to talk about - talk about God's plan.
Last week I was at church five nights in a row. Sat was mass, Sun/Mon/Tues was the Lenten Mission and Wed was a study on the catechism. The following weekend Marly had a cold and the weather was sunny and I just didn't want to go to mass. I didn't want to, that's my reason. I have lots of excuses of why that was OK, but I didn't want to so I didn't. And I felt bad about it until I confessed it.
The priest was really good. He talked about why he goes to mass. What he gets out of it. How he needs to go, not that God needs him to go. That he needs the eucharist (communion). That God wants us to be there, not out of blind obedience but because there are graces received through the eucharist that we cannot receive if we don't partake. And that I would miss something if I wasn't there. Something that God may have wanted to give me, but couldn't because I wasn't there, in His house, with His people. Then he talked about how God knows all this. That we aren't going to always go. God exposes our frailty, to help us grow. I said I can't hear Him. I listen and listen but I'm not hearing Him. He said sometimes you have to stop listening so hard and just BE. BE in the presence of God.
I cried...I always cry at confession. It's like God seeing me naked and we both know "this is it, this is all I have to show for myself". But relief follows. And new resolve. So that's good. It's especially good because my tears upset my daughter a little and I don't want her to worry about me. The mother crying in church. Just tears mind you, not sobbing or anything like that.
So for penance. The next morning when everyone was gone, I was to say my morning prayers, ask God to help me see when and where He is revealing Himself to me and then stop talking and just BE in the presence of God for ten minutes. What a great and merciful God. That he will forgive my sins and my penance for sinning against Him is to be in His presence for ten minutes.
It was hard. I get very distracted. It's like praying. I'm not a very good disciplined prayer. My mind wanders. I figure I'm going to have to try it many times today.
It's like at Weight Watchers when you re-learn what it's like to be hungry. We are hardly ever hungry so sometimes it is hard to remember what it feels like, what it sounds like, what the circumstances are, etc.
I need to re-learn (or maybe just learn AGAIN) what it feels like to be in the presence of God, what it sounds like, what the circumstances are, where do I find Him, what are the activities, who are the people, etc.
I spend a HUGE amount of time studying God, being with my Christian community, doing, doing, doing. Learning over and over because the lessons seem to come so slowly, piece by piece. An enormous jigsaw puzzle that I'm OK knowing I will never finish it.
I think that for the rest of Lent I will just try to BE with God. I know He is revealing Himself to me, maybe I will learn how to see and hear what he is trying to tell me.
Sandy
When I was in my early 20s, I moved to Toronto (our nation's biggest city) to get a job. I was there for two years. For the second year there I lived with my boyfriend. I felt really bad about that. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He came to visit from NS and was supposed to get a job and find his own place. I didn't want to live with him. Anyway, the visit lasted for a year and we became an old married couple before our time. When we moved back, I told him to get his own place, I was moving in with a girlfriend - but I digress. I did a lot of traveling with my job and went through many towns, large and small. As I was working in one town I was compelled to go to the Catholic Church to confess my living arrangement. So I just walked in and spoke to the priest. He didn't seem to have a problem with hearing the confession of a Baptist girl, so I stayed and confessed and he understood and absolved. Of course, asking for forgiveness always makes me feel better.
I stayed five years too long in my first marriage, mostly because of the vows I made before God. I didn't want to break my promise to Him. I didn't want to be a failure. I didn't think He would ever forgive me.
I did divorce and years later, three days before my second marriage (I couldn't even get married in a church, we got married at the Law Courts) I had crisis of conscious. Although I had asked for forgiveness many times for the end of my first marriage, I just felt that it didn't "take". I called a minister from my home town. This lady was the mother of a childhood friend who had always given me sound, spiritual advice. I went to see her when my first marriage was failing. She is a gentle, soft-spoken lady who I can listen to. She became a minister. So I called her out of the blue, late at night, three days before my second marriage and talked and talked. She told me that I was forgiven, but sometimes, as humans, we need to hear it being said, out loud. So she told me that God forgave me.
When I became a Catholic in 2000, I embraced going to confession. I know there is great controversy over general absolution vs private confession. That there are scores of bad priests who have scarred generations of kids. That how could saying the Our Father ten times be penance? Confession has a troubled past, I get that. But none of it applies to me. I like to go. I believe that God is reaching me through that priest. And when that priest sees me outside of the Confessional, he is not seeing my sins AKA dirty laundry so I'm not worried about that. I like going and I want my daughter to not mind it so she will continue.
Last night, was the Reconciliation Service before Easter. We went. And I am going to tell you about it.
Had the service, stood in line and waited my turn.
This is a priest I don't know. I have seen him in meetings. He's the only priest I have ever heard curse and he calls our priest "Jimmy" (we call him Father Jim). So I'm waiting and wondering...and preparing what I'm going to say of course.
My turn.
The coolest thing ever about confession is I hardly ever end up talking about what I had planned to talk about - talk about God's plan.
Last week I was at church five nights in a row. Sat was mass, Sun/Mon/Tues was the Lenten Mission and Wed was a study on the catechism. The following weekend Marly had a cold and the weather was sunny and I just didn't want to go to mass. I didn't want to, that's my reason. I have lots of excuses of why that was OK, but I didn't want to so I didn't. And I felt bad about it until I confessed it.
The priest was really good. He talked about why he goes to mass. What he gets out of it. How he needs to go, not that God needs him to go. That he needs the eucharist (communion). That God wants us to be there, not out of blind obedience but because there are graces received through the eucharist that we cannot receive if we don't partake. And that I would miss something if I wasn't there. Something that God may have wanted to give me, but couldn't because I wasn't there, in His house, with His people. Then he talked about how God knows all this. That we aren't going to always go. God exposes our frailty, to help us grow. I said I can't hear Him. I listen and listen but I'm not hearing Him. He said sometimes you have to stop listening so hard and just BE. BE in the presence of God.
I cried...I always cry at confession. It's like God seeing me naked and we both know "this is it, this is all I have to show for myself". But relief follows. And new resolve. So that's good. It's especially good because my tears upset my daughter a little and I don't want her to worry about me. The mother crying in church. Just tears mind you, not sobbing or anything like that.
So for penance. The next morning when everyone was gone, I was to say my morning prayers, ask God to help me see when and where He is revealing Himself to me and then stop talking and just BE in the presence of God for ten minutes. What a great and merciful God. That he will forgive my sins and my penance for sinning against Him is to be in His presence for ten minutes.
It was hard. I get very distracted. It's like praying. I'm not a very good disciplined prayer. My mind wanders. I figure I'm going to have to try it many times today.
It's like at Weight Watchers when you re-learn what it's like to be hungry. We are hardly ever hungry so sometimes it is hard to remember what it feels like, what it sounds like, what the circumstances are, etc.
I need to re-learn (or maybe just learn AGAIN) what it feels like to be in the presence of God, what it sounds like, what the circumstances are, where do I find Him, what are the activities, who are the people, etc.
I spend a HUGE amount of time studying God, being with my Christian community, doing, doing, doing. Learning over and over because the lessons seem to come so slowly, piece by piece. An enormous jigsaw puzzle that I'm OK knowing I will never finish it.
I think that for the rest of Lent I will just try to BE with God. I know He is revealing Himself to me, maybe I will learn how to see and hear what he is trying to tell me.
Sandy
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