As I sit here, hopped up on pain killers and muscle relaxants, I am reflecting a bit - although a bit too dramatically and on the side of melancholy...let's just keep that in mind shall we.
Tomorrow is the last grade 10 exam and she will have completed her first year of high school. It's over. Just like that. Time didn't just fly by. It raced by at the speed of light. Amazing. As usual, she was awesome. As usual, I have failed to convey that to her. Not that I haven't told her, just not told her enough or behaved it/shown her enough. Note for next year.
Why am I not content? Why do I compare? Why am I jealous? It's a hard thing - to overcome those tendencies of mine. To keep them in check, in control. It never leads to happiness, much less contentment. Generally frustration and unwarranted, unworthy sadness.
I miss my Dad. Father's Day sucks without a father.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Summer Nights
Last night we did one of my very favourite things to do in the summer. You can actually do it anytime of the year, but in the summer you can do it outside and that makes it even more fun.
We had a spontaneous dinner party.
I was talking to my sister on the phone and she said what are you doing for dinner tonight? I had some trout thawing to BBQ with some veggies and potato skins. She said, why don't you bring that over here, I have a chicken and pickies and let's combine? Perfect. I love it. No big deal. It's not about what the food is...it's about all being together and outside is even better.
So the kids got to be together. That was especially nice for mine since she is in the middle of studying for exams and it was a nice break for her. My BIL is so busy with his business that we never get to see him, much less around the fire pit and drink wine and tea and talk about nothing. After I spilt my tea all over me and my sister and the swing, we went inside to have family movie night, with everyone together. So nice.
Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here. Bought a new front-loading washer and dryer. First time having new ones so that is exciting. Bought 2 new couches for the living room. No tropical vacation next winter, but we'll be clean and comfy for years to come :)
We either have a rat tunnelling in our flower beds or a sink-hole and at this point we are hoping that it's a rat. A rat can be caught for a lot cheaper than filling in a sink-hole! And while the pest guy (really nice guy) was here, he sprayed inside and out for the ants. That just makes me feel better. Just one small flower bed to be weeded is left and that's it for expected yard work - outside of regular maintenance.
We need an uncomplicated summer as Frank is very busy at work.
We had a spontaneous dinner party.
I was talking to my sister on the phone and she said what are you doing for dinner tonight? I had some trout thawing to BBQ with some veggies and potato skins. She said, why don't you bring that over here, I have a chicken and pickies and let's combine? Perfect. I love it. No big deal. It's not about what the food is...it's about all being together and outside is even better.
So the kids got to be together. That was especially nice for mine since she is in the middle of studying for exams and it was a nice break for her. My BIL is so busy with his business that we never get to see him, much less around the fire pit and drink wine and tea and talk about nothing. After I spilt my tea all over me and my sister and the swing, we went inside to have family movie night, with everyone together. So nice.
Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here. Bought a new front-loading washer and dryer. First time having new ones so that is exciting. Bought 2 new couches for the living room. No tropical vacation next winter, but we'll be clean and comfy for years to come :)
We either have a rat tunnelling in our flower beds or a sink-hole and at this point we are hoping that it's a rat. A rat can be caught for a lot cheaper than filling in a sink-hole! And while the pest guy (really nice guy) was here, he sprayed inside and out for the ants. That just makes me feel better. Just one small flower bed to be weeded is left and that's it for expected yard work - outside of regular maintenance.
We need an uncomplicated summer as Frank is very busy at work.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day By Day
The thing I find the hardest about raising a teenager is the day-by-day nature of the job. It is so unpredictable.
To me, teenagerhood is the long process of separating parent and child, or, in my case, mother from daughter. Compounded by the fact that, if I had my own way, we would be together forever :) The problem is that one day they are much older, responsible and mature and the next day they are five again. Back and forth, back and forth.
Generally, the only people who see this inconsistency are the parents. Although, I think deep down, the kids sometimes know and just can't admit it - to the parents and/or to themselves.
This year my daughter started high school (grade 10) and is 15. We had a major hurdle in the first month of school. She came home with a form to spend her grade 11 year abroad. She picked France, it was a no-brainer since she had completed the junior high french immersion program. The criteria for the student applying for this international program was someone who was responsible (check), mature (check), independent (check), social (check), keen (check), strong academics (check), speak a foreign language (check), etc. etc. You get the picture. All of the things I had worked so hard to instill in her in the last 15 years had come to fruition. Oh - she WANTED to go. A LOT! But, she was 15 and I just couldn't send her to France for 12 months. Why was it for 12 months? Why not 4 or 6? An entire year is a long time. I know my girl. I know she could do it. But after 4-6 months she would be ready to come home and then the spot would be vacant. That's not fair to someone else. Maybe she would want to stay the entire year, but my best guess as her mother was that it would be too long. I fully expect and hope that she will study a year abroad during her university time. Grade 11 is just a bit too soon. Needless to say, that decision did not go over well and was extremely difficult to make.
It has been like that all year. She is ready, meets the criteria, wants to - but something else, something I can't really explain to her but know in my heart, isn't quite ready and I have to say no. Mostly I think it's life experience. Oh, the agony. For her and me.
How do you let them go, bit by bit? Wanting them to be responsible, but knowing they aren't. Wanting them to deal with the consequences so they can learn, but knowing they're still young and maybe afraid to try (but they will never say). Wanting them to taste success knowing that means they have to taste failure.
I find it hard, so hard. One week I am sitting too close to her in church, embarrassing her so the next week I try to sit further apart and then I am chastised for ignoring her. Sort of a no-win situation. She can't wait to graduate and begin her life far away from me yet is nervous to go on a 5 day trip without me. Sort of no-win for her too I guess. Wanting so desperately to be grownup, not wanting to be a child anymore. But old enough now to know what it means to give up being a kid, the freedom, the carefreeness, the "having someone else do the work needed/be responsible for it".
Lately, it's wanting to know the weather forecast to be able to dress appropriately and then mad at me when the weather changes and she could have worn shorts, or it didn't rain, or she didn't need that jacket. I just look at her and stare. She is starting to realize that grownups don't know everything, can't control everything and maybe that's scary for her too - not to mention disappointing and depressing to understand that she won't be getting these superpowers either when she hits the age of majority. That it's hard work and luck and faith and EFFORT that makes things happen.
Like figuring out the bank machine isn't a magic box that spits out money on demand - that someone, somehow had to put that money IN first, before they can take it out :)
I find the responsibility for schoolwork especially draining. She wants to be in control of her studying, her homework, her schedule. So we let her. But how long do you wait before you step in when she's not living up to her end of the bargain. You try to wait and let her figure it out - she has to learn how to figure it out - but she's young and only in high school once and she has such potential and you want to help her realize her dreams and plans and sometimes she just isn't looking far enough ahead and staying focussed, but it's her life not yours...sigh. So hard.
I am frustrated a lot of the time. She is not like me. She happens to be a lot like my sister. It was hard for me to live with my sister and now I am doing it all over again. It's hard for her too I'm sure. I am not like her.
Another big thing is that I have always told her/taught her/encouraged her to stand up for herself and her positions and thoughts and ideas and opinions, especially if they are important to her. That people will not always agree with her and that it is hard, but sometimes you have to go on without their approval. And that sometimes, she will have to go up against me. That she will feel strongly about something and that may be different from how I feel. And if it is that important to her, she may have to continue without my approval (but always with my love). That is hard for her. I think she has seen my love as "agreement" and feeling the same about things. Now she is developing into her own person, or realizing the own person she has always been, and that sometimes that person is different from Mommy. Sometimes that is difficult for both Mommy and daughter. But when you feel stongly about something, sometimes you have to hold your ground.
That's where the love comes in. Always SAY it. Always go for the hug, even when it is refused. Always want to talk, be open to talking, to singing, to goofing around, to whatever she wants to do.
If I take each day as it comes, it is a much smaller chunk of life to deal with. So that's my general plan of attack.
I have never loved anyone like I love her. I am amazed by that. I am amazed by her and the person she is. She will never fully get that. I know that. That is not a problem for me.
Day by day, we just take it day-by-day.
To me, teenagerhood is the long process of separating parent and child, or, in my case, mother from daughter. Compounded by the fact that, if I had my own way, we would be together forever :) The problem is that one day they are much older, responsible and mature and the next day they are five again. Back and forth, back and forth.
Generally, the only people who see this inconsistency are the parents. Although, I think deep down, the kids sometimes know and just can't admit it - to the parents and/or to themselves.
This year my daughter started high school (grade 10) and is 15. We had a major hurdle in the first month of school. She came home with a form to spend her grade 11 year abroad. She picked France, it was a no-brainer since she had completed the junior high french immersion program. The criteria for the student applying for this international program was someone who was responsible (check), mature (check), independent (check), social (check), keen (check), strong academics (check), speak a foreign language (check), etc. etc. You get the picture. All of the things I had worked so hard to instill in her in the last 15 years had come to fruition. Oh - she WANTED to go. A LOT! But, she was 15 and I just couldn't send her to France for 12 months. Why was it for 12 months? Why not 4 or 6? An entire year is a long time. I know my girl. I know she could do it. But after 4-6 months she would be ready to come home and then the spot would be vacant. That's not fair to someone else. Maybe she would want to stay the entire year, but my best guess as her mother was that it would be too long. I fully expect and hope that she will study a year abroad during her university time. Grade 11 is just a bit too soon. Needless to say, that decision did not go over well and was extremely difficult to make.
It has been like that all year. She is ready, meets the criteria, wants to - but something else, something I can't really explain to her but know in my heart, isn't quite ready and I have to say no. Mostly I think it's life experience. Oh, the agony. For her and me.
How do you let them go, bit by bit? Wanting them to be responsible, but knowing they aren't. Wanting them to deal with the consequences so they can learn, but knowing they're still young and maybe afraid to try (but they will never say). Wanting them to taste success knowing that means they have to taste failure.
I find it hard, so hard. One week I am sitting too close to her in church, embarrassing her so the next week I try to sit further apart and then I am chastised for ignoring her. Sort of a no-win situation. She can't wait to graduate and begin her life far away from me yet is nervous to go on a 5 day trip without me. Sort of no-win for her too I guess. Wanting so desperately to be grownup, not wanting to be a child anymore. But old enough now to know what it means to give up being a kid, the freedom, the carefreeness, the "having someone else do the work needed/be responsible for it".
Lately, it's wanting to know the weather forecast to be able to dress appropriately and then mad at me when the weather changes and she could have worn shorts, or it didn't rain, or she didn't need that jacket. I just look at her and stare. She is starting to realize that grownups don't know everything, can't control everything and maybe that's scary for her too - not to mention disappointing and depressing to understand that she won't be getting these superpowers either when she hits the age of majority. That it's hard work and luck and faith and EFFORT that makes things happen.
Like figuring out the bank machine isn't a magic box that spits out money on demand - that someone, somehow had to put that money IN first, before they can take it out :)
I find the responsibility for schoolwork especially draining. She wants to be in control of her studying, her homework, her schedule. So we let her. But how long do you wait before you step in when she's not living up to her end of the bargain. You try to wait and let her figure it out - she has to learn how to figure it out - but she's young and only in high school once and she has such potential and you want to help her realize her dreams and plans and sometimes she just isn't looking far enough ahead and staying focussed, but it's her life not yours...sigh. So hard.
I am frustrated a lot of the time. She is not like me. She happens to be a lot like my sister. It was hard for me to live with my sister and now I am doing it all over again. It's hard for her too I'm sure. I am not like her.
Another big thing is that I have always told her/taught her/encouraged her to stand up for herself and her positions and thoughts and ideas and opinions, especially if they are important to her. That people will not always agree with her and that it is hard, but sometimes you have to go on without their approval. And that sometimes, she will have to go up against me. That she will feel strongly about something and that may be different from how I feel. And if it is that important to her, she may have to continue without my approval (but always with my love). That is hard for her. I think she has seen my love as "agreement" and feeling the same about things. Now she is developing into her own person, or realizing the own person she has always been, and that sometimes that person is different from Mommy. Sometimes that is difficult for both Mommy and daughter. But when you feel stongly about something, sometimes you have to hold your ground.
That's where the love comes in. Always SAY it. Always go for the hug, even when it is refused. Always want to talk, be open to talking, to singing, to goofing around, to whatever she wants to do.
If I take each day as it comes, it is a much smaller chunk of life to deal with. So that's my general plan of attack.
I have never loved anyone like I love her. I am amazed by that. I am amazed by her and the person she is. She will never fully get that. I know that. That is not a problem for me.
Day by day, we just take it day-by-day.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I can't even speak/write
You know sometimes when your anxiety aand stress levels are so high that you can barely contain the shaking?
'Nuff said.
'Nuff said.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Week Four
Today marks the beginning of the fourth week of my detox diet. The fourth of sixteen.
The first two weeks went exceptionally well aside from Easter. Easter comes but once a year. Jellybeans won't kill me.
Week three was not as good. I probably had some carbs everyday. And by some I mean a cheese slice, a mouthfull of mashed potato, etc.
I'm definitely still in the 95%-98% detoxed range.
So, new ambitions for week four. Time to get back on track. Back on the wagon. Back on the horse. Whatever!
I know that Friday I am going to the valley with friends for an extended lunch with Angela so that will definitely involve some wise choices. But other than that, it's time to get serious. Jellybeans and cheese slices are not worth risking the potential success.
It's snowing here. Stupid spring snow. Barbie has rescued another dog. I got up at 4:45 am to make the days lunches and get ready for the gym before I realized my clock was an hour ahead. Sigh. Strengths workshop at church tonight. Frank has another doctor appt with the family doc to talk about the DH plan.
A new week has begun. God bless us, everyone :)
The first two weeks went exceptionally well aside from Easter. Easter comes but once a year. Jellybeans won't kill me.
Week three was not as good. I probably had some carbs everyday. And by some I mean a cheese slice, a mouthfull of mashed potato, etc.
I'm definitely still in the 95%-98% detoxed range.
So, new ambitions for week four. Time to get back on track. Back on the wagon. Back on the horse. Whatever!
I know that Friday I am going to the valley with friends for an extended lunch with Angela so that will definitely involve some wise choices. But other than that, it's time to get serious. Jellybeans and cheese slices are not worth risking the potential success.
It's snowing here. Stupid spring snow. Barbie has rescued another dog. I got up at 4:45 am to make the days lunches and get ready for the gym before I realized my clock was an hour ahead. Sigh. Strengths workshop at church tonight. Frank has another doctor appt with the family doc to talk about the DH plan.
A new week has begun. God bless us, everyone :)
Friday, April 16, 2010
Spring Has Sprung
It's been a long time posting. Mostly because I forgot the username and password :)
The Day of Enrichment went spectacularly well. The talks were amazing. The women were amazing. The food was amazing. The music was amazing. The day went smoothly. It went so well. So encouraging. We are having a follow-up Women's Breakfast in a couple of weeks. I am really hoping this is the beginning of a Women's Ministry in our parish.
We are having a spring. We never have spring. We have winter, mud, summer and fall. But we are having a spring. It is wonderful. The apple blossoms are in grave danger with the frost forecasted but hey, we're having spring. The birds chirping in the morning, the squirrels chattering, why it practically makes getting up at 5:45 am to go to the gym bareable. Let me emphasize practically.
Frank has been diagnosed with celiac disease, via DH. Unbelieveable. What are the odds??? That's all I can say about that. That and answered prayers for a truthful diagnosis.
My Mom is on a 10 day carribean cruise. She doesn't like the heat or boats. But I hope she is having the time of her life with new experiences.
I am on a 4 month detox to reduce the inflammation in my sinuses and digestive system. Unfortunately it seems to be working :) It is extremely difficult. Meat, fish and eggs and green vegetables. One fruit and one yogurt or milk serving. That's eat. No sugar, no carbs (they turn into sugar). Sugar has always been my enemy and weakness. Sigh.
Marly is doing so well in high school. I can't believe the young woman she is. Independent, capable, beautiful, lots of friends, great grades. She is being confirmed in May. I hope one day she will be glad. I love her so much. I can't imagine what it will be like when she leaves for university. It will be like part of me will be gone.
We made our first loaf of homeade gluten-free bread. I can't believe it. And we will eat it.
The Day of Enrichment went spectacularly well. The talks were amazing. The women were amazing. The food was amazing. The music was amazing. The day went smoothly. It went so well. So encouraging. We are having a follow-up Women's Breakfast in a couple of weeks. I am really hoping this is the beginning of a Women's Ministry in our parish.
We are having a spring. We never have spring. We have winter, mud, summer and fall. But we are having a spring. It is wonderful. The apple blossoms are in grave danger with the frost forecasted but hey, we're having spring. The birds chirping in the morning, the squirrels chattering, why it practically makes getting up at 5:45 am to go to the gym bareable. Let me emphasize practically.
Frank has been diagnosed with celiac disease, via DH. Unbelieveable. What are the odds??? That's all I can say about that. That and answered prayers for a truthful diagnosis.
My Mom is on a 10 day carribean cruise. She doesn't like the heat or boats. But I hope she is having the time of her life with new experiences.
I am on a 4 month detox to reduce the inflammation in my sinuses and digestive system. Unfortunately it seems to be working :) It is extremely difficult. Meat, fish and eggs and green vegetables. One fruit and one yogurt or milk serving. That's eat. No sugar, no carbs (they turn into sugar). Sugar has always been my enemy and weakness. Sigh.
Marly is doing so well in high school. I can't believe the young woman she is. Independent, capable, beautiful, lots of friends, great grades. She is being confirmed in May. I hope one day she will be glad. I love her so much. I can't imagine what it will be like when she leaves for university. It will be like part of me will be gone.
We made our first loaf of homeade gluten-free bread. I can't believe it. And we will eat it.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Not Much to Say
January is going fast. That's alright with me. Nothing particularly is going wrong, but for me January is the heart of winter and I'm happy to see it speed by.
We've had some glorious sunny days for a change. The snow hasn't been too bad - very manageable. Clear roads and that's the main thing.
Things are running smoothly here.
Marly is hard at work studying for her first set of exams. I hope they go well. She had her Ipod touch stolen from her which is nothing short of devastating! I feel so badly for her. The lack of scruples of others is a hard thing to accept and a difficult lesson to learn.
My Mom just got back from NYC. Her choir was invited to sing at Lincoln Center. They were thrilled and had a marvelous time.
I am on the organizing team for our church's Women's Day of Enrichment. There is nothing more inspiring than to sit in a room full of talented women, from all walks of life, with years of experience, friendship, skills and knowledge between them. The meeting room fairly radiates with sisterhood/womanness.
I have invited several girlfriends to have dinner with me in February to celebrate my birthday at a great thai/veitnamese restaurant downtown. I can't wait for the food and the socializing!
Janet and I have embarked on watching all the seasons of LOST. We are in the midst of season 3. We thought it would help pass the dreariness of winter. What a show. I like watching it episode after episode. I think once a week would have been too draggy and I would have become LOST in the plot. I really like it - infact Charlie has become a fixture in my dreams...although I wouldn't mind Sawyer popping in now and then :)
It's been a good month and beginning to 2010. I am sticking to my resolution to "thinking more before". I am trying hard and I see a difference although I'm not sure what others would say :)
Looking forward to February: Valentine's Day, my birthday, my Dad's birthday. Cherie's is January 31st and that will be hard. I'll be glad when it's Feb. one.
We've had some glorious sunny days for a change. The snow hasn't been too bad - very manageable. Clear roads and that's the main thing.
Things are running smoothly here.
Marly is hard at work studying for her first set of exams. I hope they go well. She had her Ipod touch stolen from her which is nothing short of devastating! I feel so badly for her. The lack of scruples of others is a hard thing to accept and a difficult lesson to learn.
My Mom just got back from NYC. Her choir was invited to sing at Lincoln Center. They were thrilled and had a marvelous time.
I am on the organizing team for our church's Women's Day of Enrichment. There is nothing more inspiring than to sit in a room full of talented women, from all walks of life, with years of experience, friendship, skills and knowledge between them. The meeting room fairly radiates with sisterhood/womanness.
I have invited several girlfriends to have dinner with me in February to celebrate my birthday at a great thai/veitnamese restaurant downtown. I can't wait for the food and the socializing!
Janet and I have embarked on watching all the seasons of LOST. We are in the midst of season 3. We thought it would help pass the dreariness of winter. What a show. I like watching it episode after episode. I think once a week would have been too draggy and I would have become LOST in the plot. I really like it - infact Charlie has become a fixture in my dreams...although I wouldn't mind Sawyer popping in now and then :)
It's been a good month and beginning to 2010. I am sticking to my resolution to "thinking more before". I am trying hard and I see a difference although I'm not sure what others would say :)
Looking forward to February: Valentine's Day, my birthday, my Dad's birthday. Cherie's is January 31st and that will be hard. I'll be glad when it's Feb. one.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
In the end, it's like sweeping water with a broom.
It's a Christmas miracle - we actually got the driveway completely shovelled.
When I looked this morning and saw all the heavy, wet snow and saw the wall (thank you Mr. Snow Plow) where the road meets the driveway, I had a few seconds and actually thought we were going to be stuck in the house forever.
However the need for Tim's (coffee) prevailed and now we are done.
Three tylonels later for the back.
Please, a break, before we start over again. I know we live in Canada and it is the winter. I am fully aware of that. Please. A break.
When I looked this morning and saw all the heavy, wet snow and saw the wall (thank you Mr. Snow Plow) where the road meets the driveway, I had a few seconds and actually thought we were going to be stuck in the house forever.
However the need for Tim's (coffee) prevailed and now we are done.
Three tylonels later for the back.
Please, a break, before we start over again. I know we live in Canada and it is the winter. I am fully aware of that. Please. A break.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
It Has Begun
SNOW.
IT IS HERE.
We knew it was coming. It came in tiny, annoying storms but was always washed away a few days later. Christmas was lovely and green and easy for travelling. But we knew it wouldn't last. And I do always pray that it holds off until January. Well, January is here and so is the snow.
The snow, wind, freezing rain and everything that goes with it: plow trucks, salt trucks, sand, big boots and coats, gloves, hats, mitts. OLD MAN WINTER HAS COME TO STAY FOR A BIT.
This year I will try and do better. I don't think I will actually be able to embrace it, but I will ty to be more positive and not let the horribleness of the winter months be the major factor in my outlook on life :)
All we have to do it make it to March Break and then we can see the light, the sunlight, at the end of the tunnel.
And so, with newfound dtermination and optimism...
Isn't it beautiful :)
IT IS HERE.
We knew it was coming. It came in tiny, annoying storms but was always washed away a few days later. Christmas was lovely and green and easy for travelling. But we knew it wouldn't last. And I do always pray that it holds off until January. Well, January is here and so is the snow.
The snow, wind, freezing rain and everything that goes with it: plow trucks, salt trucks, sand, big boots and coats, gloves, hats, mitts. OLD MAN WINTER HAS COME TO STAY FOR A BIT.
This year I will try and do better. I don't think I will actually be able to embrace it, but I will ty to be more positive and not let the horribleness of the winter months be the major factor in my outlook on life :)
All we have to do it make it to March Break and then we can see the light, the sunlight, at the end of the tunnel.
And so, with newfound dtermination and optimism...
Isn't it beautiful :)
Friday, January 01, 2010
Think First. Ask Questions Later
The first day of a brand new year. New decade in this case. It's all so new and shiny and full of possibilities. A little scary since all those new possibilities can be the exciting side of new failures, disappointments and bad ideas.
I've been thinking a lot about New Year resolutions. The number of things I want to change about myself. Be the change I want to see. Work on myself, not on others.
I have never done well with New Year resolutions. Mostly I forget about them until it's too late. So if I want them to work, I need to remember them. They need to be short and snappy.
I need only one. Surely I can remember and implement one. One all-encompassing resolution.
THNK FIRST
I need to think first: before eating, before speaking, before acting, before reacting, before "yes", before "no"... I need to think even before thinking itself.
I'm hoping this will lead to better decisions, better delivery and the slowing down of the words in my head. If I consciously think first, maybe there is a better chance of doing it God's way instead of my way.
Happy New Year.
I've been thinking a lot about New Year resolutions. The number of things I want to change about myself. Be the change I want to see. Work on myself, not on others.
I have never done well with New Year resolutions. Mostly I forget about them until it's too late. So if I want them to work, I need to remember them. They need to be short and snappy.
I need only one. Surely I can remember and implement one. One all-encompassing resolution.
THNK FIRST
I need to think first: before eating, before speaking, before acting, before reacting, before "yes", before "no"... I need to think even before thinking itself.
I'm hoping this will lead to better decisions, better delivery and the slowing down of the words in my head. If I consciously think first, maybe there is a better chance of doing it God's way instead of my way.
Happy New Year.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Getting Closer
Well today was the big, pre-Christmas grocery shop. Not too bad. The best part was the store wasn't that busy, got a great parking spot and no waiting at the cash - what's up with that? The other good news is that we have pretty much stuck to my Christmas budget. I have never done a Christmas budget before but wanted to have one to use as a guideline. I tried to include everything: food, special events/dinners out, gifts, etc. I knew we would probably go over, I budgeted for that- HA - but I found it really helpful to keep on track and to keep being realistic with myself. This year I was a bit "Grinchy" and decided that I wasn't going to buy presents that weren't wanted, liked or just "because". Sometimes a less expensive, more thoughtful gift is better.
Last night we had a snowstorm. Not much in accumulation, just mostly nasty and annoying and tricky driving. But it didn't get in the way of us attending the Barra MacNeil's Christmas Concert! I was so thankful it didn't get cancelled. I have wanted to see their Christmas Concert for years and it was as great I knew it would be. I think I will go every year. I may have to find someone to go with since my family liked it but didn't love it like I did.
Tomorrow I am hoping we will complete the last minute shopping errands, change the beds and generally finalize the "to do" list. My mom is coming on the 23rd, we have hair appts and Marly has her "braces-off photo shoot". What a great perk from our orthodontist. I think Christmas Eve will arrive to a ready and happy and non-stressed household.
Frank is so happy on vacation and Marly will build the gingerbread house tomorrow. Everyone seems to be resting and content. I am getting excited at the thought of hosting Christmas dinner.
However, today Margie and Paul had the funeral for their mother and tomorrow Shelley buries her father. So close to Christmas. It is the first year without Cherie - I am still in disbelief about that. Karen is having the first Christmas without her Dad, Andrea without hers. This "circle of life" thing is not good. I am not ready for it at all. So much death. It must have always been there, I just never noticed because it didn't really affect me. Now I am at that age and stage. God bless all those souls who have gone and please extra bless those who are left behind.
Last night we had a snowstorm. Not much in accumulation, just mostly nasty and annoying and tricky driving. But it didn't get in the way of us attending the Barra MacNeil's Christmas Concert! I was so thankful it didn't get cancelled. I have wanted to see their Christmas Concert for years and it was as great I knew it would be. I think I will go every year. I may have to find someone to go with since my family liked it but didn't love it like I did.
Tomorrow I am hoping we will complete the last minute shopping errands, change the beds and generally finalize the "to do" list. My mom is coming on the 23rd, we have hair appts and Marly has her "braces-off photo shoot". What a great perk from our orthodontist. I think Christmas Eve will arrive to a ready and happy and non-stressed household.
Frank is so happy on vacation and Marly will build the gingerbread house tomorrow. Everyone seems to be resting and content. I am getting excited at the thought of hosting Christmas dinner.
However, today Margie and Paul had the funeral for their mother and tomorrow Shelley buries her father. So close to Christmas. It is the first year without Cherie - I am still in disbelief about that. Karen is having the first Christmas without her Dad, Andrea without hers. This "circle of life" thing is not good. I am not ready for it at all. So much death. It must have always been there, I just never noticed because it didn't really affect me. Now I am at that age and stage. God bless all those souls who have gone and please extra bless those who are left behind.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Brrrrry
It was a cold, cold day today. Didn't get warmer that -10 and windy, so that makes it worse.
One more day of school tomorrow. Marly made and iced brownies for the english class party, bought sunchips for the PHAL party and will be making sugar cookies in the Food class party. I guess nothing is happening in science. She is happy and excited. Also, she babysat tonight and has a job lined up for Monday so that always makes her happy...cha ching!
Frank and I ran errands today. Got a lot done. Little things, but lots of stops. Some Christmas preparations. We even had a snack together. He is enjoying his vacation, especially with the new computer.
I have my last doc appt tomorrow, the ENT specialist. Then hopefully I won't see another doc until 2010. A few more errands. Marly is with her Dad on the weekend and we have the Barra MacNeil's Christmas concert on Sunday night. I have always wanted to see it, so I am very excited.
I am missing my Dad a lot lately but I am trying to be Christmassy. Of course, I am trying not to over-indulge Marly but it's soo hard. I'd buy her the world if I could, but Christmas isn't about that. I'm nervous about having Christmas Dinner here this year. Our house-hold is so quiet compared to others. We don't live in chaos. But it seems pretty boring.
I am learning to live up against the wall. I have so much I need to talk to my Dad about and he is not here and no one else is here. It's like being up against a brick wall. I am just stuck there. So I talk to myself and try to imagine what Dad would say and hope I get it right. I suppose that is what growing up is all about...doing it yourself. It's hard to listen when the words aren't spoken out loud.
It's still green here. Wisps and swirls of snow. Please hold off until all the Christmas travelling is done.
One more day of school tomorrow. Marly made and iced brownies for the english class party, bought sunchips for the PHAL party and will be making sugar cookies in the Food class party. I guess nothing is happening in science. She is happy and excited. Also, she babysat tonight and has a job lined up for Monday so that always makes her happy...cha ching!
Frank and I ran errands today. Got a lot done. Little things, but lots of stops. Some Christmas preparations. We even had a snack together. He is enjoying his vacation, especially with the new computer.
I have my last doc appt tomorrow, the ENT specialist. Then hopefully I won't see another doc until 2010. A few more errands. Marly is with her Dad on the weekend and we have the Barra MacNeil's Christmas concert on Sunday night. I have always wanted to see it, so I am very excited.
I am missing my Dad a lot lately but I am trying to be Christmassy. Of course, I am trying not to over-indulge Marly but it's soo hard. I'd buy her the world if I could, but Christmas isn't about that. I'm nervous about having Christmas Dinner here this year. Our house-hold is so quiet compared to others. We don't live in chaos. But it seems pretty boring.
I am learning to live up against the wall. I have so much I need to talk to my Dad about and he is not here and no one else is here. It's like being up against a brick wall. I am just stuck there. So I talk to myself and try to imagine what Dad would say and hope I get it right. I suppose that is what growing up is all about...doing it yourself. It's hard to listen when the words aren't spoken out loud.
It's still green here. Wisps and swirls of snow. Please hold off until all the Christmas travelling is done.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Advent Reconciliation
I do love confession.
Although, I look like an idiot as I come down from crying in front of everyone.
But I love being shiny clean and everything right between me and my God.
I feel so relieved, so ready. I love that time before my next sin :)
Believe me, I ask for forgiveness all the time. If I waited for confession, I'd be so weighted down I wouldn't be able to walk in the church. I'd have to be brought in a wheel-barrow and dumped in front of the priest.
I just love the personal reflection and the good advice. It's a great sacrament.
Although, I look like an idiot as I come down from crying in front of everyone.
But I love being shiny clean and everything right between me and my God.
I feel so relieved, so ready. I love that time before my next sin :)
Believe me, I ask for forgiveness all the time. If I waited for confession, I'd be so weighted down I wouldn't be able to walk in the church. I'd have to be brought in a wheel-barrow and dumped in front of the priest.
I just love the personal reflection and the good advice. It's a great sacrament.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Third Sunday in Advent
This weekend we welcomed the RCIA candidates into the church and promised to support them on their journey. This is the first time I have been a sponsor. It is very exciting to be part of someone's journey. It is also interesting since my own daughter will be confirmed this year, so I can watch the process from two very different people's points of views.
This is the last week of school. Marly has to pass in her science fair project, present it to the judges, write a quiz, make sugar cookies. A jam-packed last week. Frank is already on vacation until 2010. He received a very generous, very well-deserved, Christmas bonus. That was exciting!
I am finally feeling better after 6-7 weeks of illness. Swine flu, pneumonia, major sinus infection, migraines, vertigo, asthma, etc. Basically the fall was a complete write-off. But the doc thinks I'm on the mend and I should be completely fine by the new year. Miraculously Frank and Marly stayed well and we had several wonderful friends who saw us through these bad weeks.
The Christmas shopping is well underway and Marly even wrapped half of them. The decorating, although on a small scale, is done and we are enjoying the tree. Christmas dinner will be at our house this year. So the plans seem to be set.
I went looking at Christmas lights a couple of nights ago. There were flurries flurrying around and lights twinkling and music playing and that is my favourite part of Christmas: lights and music.
Christmas will come and go, faster than a sparkly Christmas light. Time goes on, there's no stopping it.
I miss my Dad.
This is the last week of school. Marly has to pass in her science fair project, present it to the judges, write a quiz, make sugar cookies. A jam-packed last week. Frank is already on vacation until 2010. He received a very generous, very well-deserved, Christmas bonus. That was exciting!
I am finally feeling better after 6-7 weeks of illness. Swine flu, pneumonia, major sinus infection, migraines, vertigo, asthma, etc. Basically the fall was a complete write-off. But the doc thinks I'm on the mend and I should be completely fine by the new year. Miraculously Frank and Marly stayed well and we had several wonderful friends who saw us through these bad weeks.
The Christmas shopping is well underway and Marly even wrapped half of them. The decorating, although on a small scale, is done and we are enjoying the tree. Christmas dinner will be at our house this year. So the plans seem to be set.
I went looking at Christmas lights a couple of nights ago. There were flurries flurrying around and lights twinkling and music playing and that is my favourite part of Christmas: lights and music.
Christmas will come and go, faster than a sparkly Christmas light. Time goes on, there's no stopping it.
I miss my Dad.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
"It's getting colder every morning" (Marly leaving for the bus)
Today is the 6th day of High School. So far things are going great. Marly is really stepping up to the plate. Not that she wouldn't have stepped up before, it has just never been required of her. She is taking her classes and homework very seriously. She has had two Student Council meetings and tonight is the first dance. As part of SC, she is part of the set-up committee. She has even recruited her two best friends to help, so that will get them involved as well (they tend to hang back). She looks forward to her International Foods/Healthy Living class every day. She is loving it. They cook every Friday. She was placed in Advanced Science - surprise to us! It is a challenge but I think she is liking the class and the challenge. She is more than capable, but you still have to do the work. Today is PINK DAY - part of the anti-bullying campaign started in the valley a couple of years ago. She is loving the freedom of HS, ie: leaving the school grounds at lunch. Two piano lessons under her belt and synchro starts next Saturday. She is off and running. Here's to a good year...
Please God - get those braces off!!!
The weather has been spectacular. I know I talk about the weather but it's a big topic of conversation here. Unbelievably sunny and warm EVERYDAY! The beginning of fall is always so beautiful.
We had a nice Labour Day weekend. Mom came in for a night and we were tourists in our own city: Peggy's Cove, Fisherman's Cove, the Public Gardens. So beautiful.
This weekend is our last "free" weekend. Frank has a "golf" day tomorrow with work. Marly and I are having a girl's supper - Japanese :) . On Saturday Marly has a friend's birthday sleepover after church.
It's back to Mass for her. She had a slack summer church-wise. I, on the other hand, had my best summer attendance to date. It's her Confirmation this year. Her last year of religious ed. Can't believe it - time goes so fast. I know I will cry :) That will really impress her I'm sure :)
Yesterday I had a "perk up your house" day. A new pillow for the couch for the pillow cover that Mom brought back from Turkey. New shades for old bases for a "new", MATCHING set of lamps in our bedroom. Moved my 50s Pill Box hat lamp from the bedroom to the livingroom for all to see. I decorated a wreath form with autumn coloured beads for a fall, front door decoration. The jury's still out on that one. It looks like a wreath with beads on it. Janet said "is that the look you're going for?" I'm not sure yet. It sparkles in the sunlight but just looks like beads on a wreath otherwise.
Well the dentist awaits. How I hate the dentist :( Odd for someone whose teeth are fine and always have been. I shake so much he said "it's like killing Bambi". The only good thing is that I am too afraid to not go. My greatest fear is a root canal which I have never had and don't even know what it is - it just SOUNDS awful. At least they are SO nice to me and my nerves.
Please God - get those braces off!!!
The weather has been spectacular. I know I talk about the weather but it's a big topic of conversation here. Unbelievably sunny and warm EVERYDAY! The beginning of fall is always so beautiful.
We had a nice Labour Day weekend. Mom came in for a night and we were tourists in our own city: Peggy's Cove, Fisherman's Cove, the Public Gardens. So beautiful.
This weekend is our last "free" weekend. Frank has a "golf" day tomorrow with work. Marly and I are having a girl's supper - Japanese :) . On Saturday Marly has a friend's birthday sleepover after church.
It's back to Mass for her. She had a slack summer church-wise. I, on the other hand, had my best summer attendance to date. It's her Confirmation this year. Her last year of religious ed. Can't believe it - time goes so fast. I know I will cry :) That will really impress her I'm sure :)
Yesterday I had a "perk up your house" day. A new pillow for the couch for the pillow cover that Mom brought back from Turkey. New shades for old bases for a "new", MATCHING set of lamps in our bedroom. Moved my 50s Pill Box hat lamp from the bedroom to the livingroom for all to see. I decorated a wreath form with autumn coloured beads for a fall, front door decoration. The jury's still out on that one. It looks like a wreath with beads on it. Janet said "is that the look you're going for?" I'm not sure yet. It sparkles in the sunlight but just looks like beads on a wreath otherwise.
Well the dentist awaits. How I hate the dentist :( Odd for someone whose teeth are fine and always have been. I shake so much he said "it's like killing Bambi". The only good thing is that I am too afraid to not go. My greatest fear is a root canal which I have never had and don't even know what it is - it just SOUNDS awful. At least they are SO nice to me and my nerves.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Summertime is All Gone
Summer. It's all over. I can't believe it. It always goes SO FAST!
Today is the first day of school and the first day of High School. I can't believe she is in grade 10. I remember primary so vividly. However, she is ready. The morning went smoother that I expected, although that shouldn't be a surprise. It had been planned for days. The hair, the clothes, the breakfast, the lunch. Again with the "I'm making my own lunch". Wonder how long that will last? About as long as getting up when the alarm goes off is my guess. She looked awesome. FIFTEEN. BUT she kissed me goodbye and texted me when she got there. I'm happy. We went out for dinner last night to OPA to celebrate the end of summer and beginning of a new year. Lots of families with the same idea. Yummy OPA - I should have been a Greek!
I had a wonderful trip to NYC with Mom and Barbie. First time for Mom and me. Good thing Barbie knew her way around. We went on three bus tours (downtown, mid/uptown and one at night), three broadway musicals: 9 To 5, West Side Story and the Marvelous Wonderettes, the Backstage Tour of Radio City, the NBC StudioTtour and the Observation Deck at the Top of 30 Rock. A carriage ride through Central Park. And of course walking and windon shopping on 5th Ave, 6th Ave, Madison Ave, Times Square, etc. We ate at the Magnolia Bakery, Planet Hollywood, yummy suishi and a great irish pub called Connellys. We stayed at the Roosevelt Hotel which was lovely and a great central location to all our activities. The whole 4 days flew by. If I never get back, I feel I have really seen NYC. The only thing left really is the Radio City Christmas Spectacular so it's back to saving loonies and twoonies. A great city. The people were so friendly and nice and helpful. Only one less than positive observation...it is SO LOUD. I was prepared the noise of contruction and traffic and emergency vehicles. But it was the noise of 81/2 million people just living that I wasn't ready for. Yikes! As a bonus, both flights were very good. On time and one even early.
When I arrived home, the birthday sleepover was on. Barbie graciously offered her hot tub and pool deck for the afternoon. The pool itself was freezing and dirty after Hurricane Bill and Tropical Storm Dan, but the hot tub party was a hit. They set up a tent in the backyard and slept under the stars. The girls had a wonderful time together since this party was piggy-backing another birthday sleepover from the night before so they had lots of time together before school starts and they get separated. Squeezing in every last second of summer before this morning :)
Who knows what lies ahead. I am so lucky that every summer vacation is fabulous. Lots of friends and family get togethers, short trips away, pools and hot tubs, no bedtimes and no schedules.
This fall we are back to piano lessons and synchronized swimming. There is a real, decent school band to play in finally. Frank is more and more active with his HAM Radio. My bible study will be starting up the beginning of October. I want to try and take Mass more seriously this year.
I have three years left of being an at-home Mom. I want to fill those years with good things and good memories.
Today is the first day of school and the first day of High School. I can't believe she is in grade 10. I remember primary so vividly. However, she is ready. The morning went smoother that I expected, although that shouldn't be a surprise. It had been planned for days. The hair, the clothes, the breakfast, the lunch. Again with the "I'm making my own lunch". Wonder how long that will last? About as long as getting up when the alarm goes off is my guess. She looked awesome. FIFTEEN. BUT she kissed me goodbye and texted me when she got there. I'm happy. We went out for dinner last night to OPA to celebrate the end of summer and beginning of a new year. Lots of families with the same idea. Yummy OPA - I should have been a Greek!
I had a wonderful trip to NYC with Mom and Barbie. First time for Mom and me. Good thing Barbie knew her way around. We went on three bus tours (downtown, mid/uptown and one at night), three broadway musicals: 9 To 5, West Side Story and the Marvelous Wonderettes, the Backstage Tour of Radio City, the NBC StudioTtour and the Observation Deck at the Top of 30 Rock. A carriage ride through Central Park. And of course walking and windon shopping on 5th Ave, 6th Ave, Madison Ave, Times Square, etc. We ate at the Magnolia Bakery, Planet Hollywood, yummy suishi and a great irish pub called Connellys. We stayed at the Roosevelt Hotel which was lovely and a great central location to all our activities. The whole 4 days flew by. If I never get back, I feel I have really seen NYC. The only thing left really is the Radio City Christmas Spectacular so it's back to saving loonies and twoonies. A great city. The people were so friendly and nice and helpful. Only one less than positive observation...it is SO LOUD. I was prepared the noise of contruction and traffic and emergency vehicles. But it was the noise of 81/2 million people just living that I wasn't ready for. Yikes! As a bonus, both flights were very good. On time and one even early.
When I arrived home, the birthday sleepover was on. Barbie graciously offered her hot tub and pool deck for the afternoon. The pool itself was freezing and dirty after Hurricane Bill and Tropical Storm Dan, but the hot tub party was a hit. They set up a tent in the backyard and slept under the stars. The girls had a wonderful time together since this party was piggy-backing another birthday sleepover from the night before so they had lots of time together before school starts and they get separated. Squeezing in every last second of summer before this morning :)
Who knows what lies ahead. I am so lucky that every summer vacation is fabulous. Lots of friends and family get togethers, short trips away, pools and hot tubs, no bedtimes and no schedules.
This fall we are back to piano lessons and synchronized swimming. There is a real, decent school band to play in finally. Frank is more and more active with his HAM Radio. My bible study will be starting up the beginning of October. I want to try and take Mass more seriously this year.
I have three years left of being an at-home Mom. I want to fill those years with good things and good memories.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
The Routine
We are back at it :(
She is at her first piano lesson of the year. Even before school starts (tomorrow). That's rough!
This year her lessons are one hour instead of 45 minutes because she is considered "advanced" (RCM level 7). The downside of success. That went over like a lead balloon :)
She is at her first piano lesson of the year. Even before school starts (tomorrow). That's rough!
This year her lessons are one hour instead of 45 minutes because she is considered "advanced" (RCM level 7). The downside of success. That went over like a lead balloon :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Only Hearing the Birds
It is so quiet right now.
I have gone to Curves, had my shower and had my delicious Tim's. There is no radio or TV or laundry going or Ipod. Complete quiet. Just the tapping of my laptop keys. My daughter and nephew are asleep downstairs. Who knows when they drifted off last night?
Summer is almost over. Not quite three weeks left. I love summer so much. I can't believe it's almost over. I know the Fall is lovely but my girl is back to school so it's not the same.
We have had a great time. Lots of BBQs and summer parties. Lots of sleepovers. My trip to Bangor/Freeport with girlfriends was awesome. I'm sure the trip to NYC will be amazing. Lots of pool time, despite the July weather. Lots of summer.
This year, she will spend almost an entire week with her Dad. First time. I secretly never minded or pushed it. I'd rather her be with me. Anyway, next week will be very fun for her - the novelty is so much better than being at boring old home.
Please, Dear God, let the braces come off before school starts.
She has a weekend with a friend at Grammie's. Three days of babysitting for back-to-school clothes money. When will we fit that shopping day in? Her birthday! Her birthday pool day/camping sleepover to organize and pull off. A Family BBQ. So much left and the days are counting down.
And then it's done. And then she will be starting high school. Grade 10. Fifteen. Be still my heart. Be still my aching heart. Only three more years at home. So fast. Too fast. Right before my eyes. Like a flash of lightning. Blink and she's gone. Taking my heart with her.
Don't think about it. Enjoy everyday. Carve out memories. Take more pictures. Let her go.
Be still my aching, bleeding, tearful heart.
I have gone to Curves, had my shower and had my delicious Tim's. There is no radio or TV or laundry going or Ipod. Complete quiet. Just the tapping of my laptop keys. My daughter and nephew are asleep downstairs. Who knows when they drifted off last night?
Summer is almost over. Not quite three weeks left. I love summer so much. I can't believe it's almost over. I know the Fall is lovely but my girl is back to school so it's not the same.
We have had a great time. Lots of BBQs and summer parties. Lots of sleepovers. My trip to Bangor/Freeport with girlfriends was awesome. I'm sure the trip to NYC will be amazing. Lots of pool time, despite the July weather. Lots of summer.
This year, she will spend almost an entire week with her Dad. First time. I secretly never minded or pushed it. I'd rather her be with me. Anyway, next week will be very fun for her - the novelty is so much better than being at boring old home.
Please, Dear God, let the braces come off before school starts.
She has a weekend with a friend at Grammie's. Three days of babysitting for back-to-school clothes money. When will we fit that shopping day in? Her birthday! Her birthday pool day/camping sleepover to organize and pull off. A Family BBQ. So much left and the days are counting down.
And then it's done. And then she will be starting high school. Grade 10. Fifteen. Be still my heart. Be still my aching heart. Only three more years at home. So fast. Too fast. Right before my eyes. Like a flash of lightning. Blink and she's gone. Taking my heart with her.
Don't think about it. Enjoy everyday. Carve out memories. Take more pictures. Let her go.
Be still my aching, bleeding, tearful heart.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Summer Weekend
This weekend was a great weekend. Frank took an extra day so we had three days in the valley. We went so that Frank could work on a chore list that my Mom has been accumulating for quite some time now.
He: cleaned up the computer and made changes to it, put up a new clothesline, installed storage hooks, installed/wired-in a new motion detector/outdoor light, worked on the lawn mower - all with a happy heart and patient disposition.
I, on the other hand, visited friends, went to the Farmers' Market, ate out for lunch, went for a drive and went to church with Mom and saw old PW friends.
On Sunday we were all able to go to the lake and Marly was able to swim it twice and spend the whole afternoon in the water. Angela rescued her from the "list" and kept her with them until we could make it out. Then we all had supper, were given freshly picked veggies and off to home we went.
We even hit Frenchy's and Frank scored a new shirt for work.
AND IT WAS SUNNY AND WARM TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!
It is foggy now :(
I love, love, love summer!
He: cleaned up the computer and made changes to it, put up a new clothesline, installed storage hooks, installed/wired-in a new motion detector/outdoor light, worked on the lawn mower - all with a happy heart and patient disposition.
I, on the other hand, visited friends, went to the Farmers' Market, ate out for lunch, went for a drive and went to church with Mom and saw old PW friends.
On Sunday we were all able to go to the lake and Marly was able to swim it twice and spend the whole afternoon in the water. Angela rescued her from the "list" and kept her with them until we could make it out. Then we all had supper, were given freshly picked veggies and off to home we went.
We even hit Frenchy's and Frank scored a new shirt for work.
AND IT WAS SUNNY AND WARM TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!
It is foggy now :(
I love, love, love summer!
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