Because Nice Matters

Reflections

2010-06-21T14:06:00.002-03:00

As I sit here, hopped up on pain killers and muscle relaxants, I am reflecting a bit - although a bit too dramatically and on the side of melancholy...let's just keep that in mind shall we.

Tomorrow is the last grade 10 exam and she will have completed her first year of high school. It's over. Just like that. Time didn't just fly by. It raced by at the speed of light. Amazing. As usual, she was awesome. As usual, I have failed to convey that to her. Not that I haven't told her, just not told her enough or behaved it/shown her enough. Note for next year.

Why am I not content? Why do I compare? Why am I jealous? It's a hard thing - to overcome those tendencies of mine. To keep them in check, in control. It never leads to happiness, much less contentment. Generally frustration and unwarranted, unworthy sadness.

I miss my Dad. Father's Day sucks without a father.

Summer Nights

2010-06-13T10:47:00.002-03:00

Last night we did one of my very favourite things to do in the summer. You can actually do it anytime of the year, but in the summer you can do it outside and that makes it even more fun.

We had a spontaneous dinner party.

I was talking to my sister on the phone and she said what are you doing for dinner tonight? I had some trout thawing to BBQ with some veggies and potato skins. She said, why don't you bring that over here, I have a chicken and pickies and let's combine? Perfect. I love it. No big deal. It's not about what the food is...it's about all being together and outside is even better.

So the kids got to be together. That was especially nice for mine since she is in the middle of studying for exams and it was a nice break for her. My BIL is so busy with his business that we never get to see him, much less around the fire pit and drink wine and tea and talk about nothing. After I spilt my tea all over me and my sister and the swing, we went inside to have family movie night, with everyone together. So nice.

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here. Bought a new front-loading washer and dryer. First time having new ones so that is exciting. Bought 2 new couches for the living room. No tropical vacation next winter, but we'll be clean and comfy for years to come :)

We either have a rat tunnelling in our flower beds or a sink-hole and at this point we are hoping that it's a rat. A rat can be caught for a lot cheaper than filling in a sink-hole! And while the pest guy (really nice guy) was here, he sprayed inside and out for the ants. That just makes me feel better. Just one small flower bed to be weeded is left and that's it for expected yard work - outside of regular maintenance.

We need an uncomplicated summer as Frank is very busy at work.

Day By Day

2010-05-19T09:17:00.002-03:00

The thing I find the hardest about raising a teenager is the day-by-day nature of the job. It is so unpredictable.

To me, teenagerhood is the long process of separating parent and child, or, in my case, mother from daughter. Compounded by the fact that, if I had my own way, we would be together forever :) The problem is that one day they are much older, responsible and mature and the next day they are five again. Back and forth, back and forth.

Generally, the only people who see this inconsistency are the parents. Although, I think deep down, the kids sometimes know and just can't admit it - to the parents and/or to themselves.

This year my daughter started high school (grade 10) and is 15. We had a major hurdle in the first month of school. She came home with a form to spend her grade 11 year abroad. She picked France, it was a no-brainer since she had completed the junior high french immersion program. The criteria for the student applying for this international program was someone who was responsible (check), mature (check), independent (check), social (check), keen (check), strong academics (check), speak a foreign language (check), etc. etc. You get the picture. All of the things I had worked so hard to instill in her in the last 15 years had come to fruition. Oh - she WANTED to go. A LOT! But, she was 15 and I just couldn't send her to France for 12 months. Why was it for 12 months? Why not 4 or 6? An entire year is a long time. I know my girl. I know she could do it. But after 4-6 months she would be ready to come home and then the spot would be vacant. That's not fair to someone else. Maybe she would want to stay the entire year, but my best guess as her mother was that it would be too long. I fully expect and hope that she will study a year abroad during her university time. Grade 11 is just a bit too soon. Needless to say, that decision did not go over well and was extremely difficult to make.

It has been like that all year. She is ready, meets the criteria, wants to - but something else, something I can't really explain to her but know in my heart, isn't quite ready and I have to say no. Mostly I think it's life experience. Oh, the agony. For her and me.

How do you let them go, bit by bit? Wanting them to be responsible, but knowing they aren't. Wanting them to deal with the consequences so they can learn, but knowing they're still young and maybe afraid to try (but they will never say). Wanting them to taste success knowing that means they have to taste failure.

I find it hard, so hard. One week I am sitting too close to her in church, embarrassing her so the next week I try to sit further apart and then I am chastised for ignoring her. Sort of a no-win situation. She can't wait to graduate and begin her life far away from me yet is nervous to go on a 5 day trip without me. Sort of no-win for her too I guess. Wanting so desperately to be grownup, not wanting to be a child anymore. But old enough now to know what it means to give up being a kid, the freedom, the carefreeness, the "having someone else do the work needed/be responsible for it".

Lately, it's wanting to know the weather forecast to be able to dress appropriately and then mad at me when the weather changes and she could have worn shorts, or it didn't rain, or she didn't need that jacket. I just look at her and stare. She is starting to realize that grownups don't know everything, can't control everything and maybe that's scary for her too - not to mention disappointing and depressing to understand that she won't be getting these superpowers either when she hits the age of majority. That it's hard work and luck and faith and EFFORT that makes things happen.

Like figuring out the bank machine isn't a magic box that spits out money on demand - that someone, somehow had to put that money IN first, before they can take it out :)

I find the responsibility for schoolwork especially draining. She wants to be in control of her studying, her homework, her schedule. So we let her. But how long do you wait before you step in when she's not living up to her end of the bargain. You try to wait and let her figure it out - she has to learn how to figure it out - but she's young and only in high school once and she has such potential and you want to help her realize her dreams and plans and sometimes she just isn't looking far enough ahead and staying focussed, but it's her life not yours...sigh. So hard.

I am frustrated a lot of the time. She is not like me. She happens to be a lot like my sister. It was hard for me to live with my sister and now I am doing it all over again. It's hard for her too I'm sure. I am not like her.

Another big thing is that I have always told her/taught her/encouraged her to stand up for herself and her positions and thoughts and ideas and opinions, especially if they are important to her. That people will not always agree with her and that it is hard, but sometimes you have to go on without their approval. And that sometimes, she will have to go up against me. That she will feel strongly about something and that may be different from how I feel. And if it is that important to her, she may have to continue without my approval (but always with my love). That is hard for her. I think she has seen my love as "agreement" and feeling the same about things. Now she is developing into her own person, or realizing the own person she has always been, and that sometimes that person is different from Mommy. Sometimes that is difficult for both Mommy and daughter. But when you feel stongly about something, sometimes you have to hold your ground.

That's where the love comes in. Always SAY it. Always go for the hug, even when it is refused. Always want to talk, be open to talking, to singing, to goofing around, to whatever she wants to do.

If I take each day as it comes, it is a much smaller chunk of life to deal with. So that's my general plan of attack.

I have never loved anyone like I love her. I am amazed by that. I am amazed by her and the person she is. She will never fully get that. I know that. That is not a problem for me.

Day by day, we just take it day-by-day.

I can't even speak/write

2010-04-28T15:52:00.001-03:00

You know sometimes when your anxiety aand stress levels are so high that you can barely contain the shaking?

'Nuff said.

Week Four

2010-04-19T09:05:00.002-03:00

Today marks the beginning of the fourth week of my detox diet. The fourth of sixteen.

The first two weeks went exceptionally well aside from Easter. Easter comes but once a year. Jellybeans won't kill me.

Week three was not as good. I probably had some carbs everyday. And by some I mean a cheese slice, a mouthfull of mashed potato, etc.

I'm definitely still in the 95%-98% detoxed range.

So, new ambitions for week four. Time to get back on track. Back on the wagon. Back on the horse. Whatever!

I know that Friday I am going to the valley with friends for an extended lunch with Angela so that will definitely involve some wise choices. But other than that, it's time to get serious. Jellybeans and cheese slices are not worth risking the potential success.

It's snowing here. Stupid spring snow. Barbie has rescued another dog. I got up at 4:45 am to make the days lunches and get ready for the gym before I realized my clock was an hour ahead. Sigh. Strengths workshop at church tonight. Frank has another doctor appt with the family doc to talk about the DH plan.

A new week has begun. God bless us, everyone :)

Spring Has Sprung

2010-04-16T20:25:00.003-03:00

It's been a long time posting. Mostly because I forgot the username and password :)

The Day of Enrichment went spectacularly well. The talks were amazing. The women were amazing. The food was amazing. The music was amazing. The day went smoothly. It went so well. So encouraging. We are having a follow-up Women's Breakfast in a couple of weeks. I am really hoping this is the beginning of a Women's Ministry in our parish.

We are having a spring. We never have spring. We have winter, mud, summer and fall. But we are having a spring. It is wonderful. The apple blossoms are in grave danger with the frost forecasted but hey, we're having spring. The birds chirping in the morning, the squirrels chattering, why it practically makes getting up at 5:45 am to go to the gym bareable. Let me emphasize practically.

Frank has been diagnosed with celiac disease, via DH. Unbelieveable. What are the odds??? That's all I can say about that. That and answered prayers for a truthful diagnosis.

My Mom is on a 10 day carribean cruise. She doesn't like the heat or boats. But I hope she is having the time of her life with new experiences.

I am on a 4 month detox to reduce the inflammation in my sinuses and digestive system. Unfortunately it seems to be working :) It is extremely difficult. Meat, fish and eggs and green vegetables. One fruit and one yogurt or milk serving. That's eat. No sugar, no carbs (they turn into sugar). Sugar has always been my enemy and weakness. Sigh.

Marly is doing so well in high school. I can't believe the young woman she is. Independent, capable, beautiful, lots of friends, great grades. She is being confirmed in May. I hope one day she will be glad. I love her so much. I can't imagine what it will be like when she leaves for university. It will be like part of me will be gone.

We made our first loaf of homeade gluten-free bread. I can't believe it. And we will eat it.

Not Much to Say

2010-01-23T15:46:00.002-04:00

January is going fast. That's alright with me. Nothing particularly is going wrong, but for me January is the heart of winter and I'm happy to see it speed by.

We've had some glorious sunny days for a change. The snow hasn't been too bad - very manageable. Clear roads and that's the main thing.

Things are running smoothly here.

Marly is hard at work studying for her first set of exams. I hope they go well. She had her Ipod touch stolen from her which is nothing short of devastating! I feel so badly for her. The lack of scruples of others is a hard thing to accept and a difficult lesson to learn.

My Mom just got back from NYC. Her choir was invited to sing at Lincoln Center. They were thrilled and had a marvelous time.

I am on the organizing team for our church's Women's Day of Enrichment. There is nothing more inspiring than to sit in a room full of talented women, from all walks of life, with years of experience, friendship, skills and knowledge between them. The meeting room fairly radiates with sisterhood/womanness.

I have invited several girlfriends to have dinner with me in February to celebrate my birthday at a great thai/veitnamese restaurant downtown. I can't wait for the food and the socializing!

Janet and I have embarked on watching all the seasons of LOST. We are in the midst of season 3. We thought it would help pass the dreariness of winter. What a show. I like watching it episode after episode. I think once a week would have been too draggy and I would have become LOST in the plot. I really like it - infact Charlie has become a fixture in my dreams...although I wouldn't mind Sawyer popping in now and then :)

It's been a good month and beginning to 2010. I am sticking to my resolution to "thinking more before". I am trying hard and I see a difference although I'm not sure what others would say :)

Looking forward to February: Valentine's Day, my birthday, my Dad's birthday. Cherie's is January 31st and that will be hard. I'll be glad when it's Feb. one.

In the end, it's like sweeping water with a broom.

2010-01-03T12:36:00.002-04:00

It's a Christmas miracle - we actually got the driveway completely shovelled.

When I looked this morning and saw all the heavy, wet snow and saw the wall (thank you Mr. Snow Plow) where the road meets the driveway, I had a few seconds and actually thought we were going to be stuck in the house forever.

However the need for Tim's (coffee) prevailed and now we are done.

Three tylonels later for the back.

Please, a break, before we start over again. I know we live in Canada and it is the winter. I am fully aware of that. Please. A break.

It Has Begun

2010-01-02T11:27:00.003-04:00

SNOW.

IT IS HERE.

We knew it was coming. It came in tiny, annoying storms but was always washed away a few days later. Christmas was lovely and green and easy for travelling. But we knew it wouldn't last. And I do always pray that it holds off until January. Well, January is here and so is the snow.

The snow, wind, freezing rain and everything that goes with it: plow trucks, salt trucks, sand, big boots and coats, gloves, hats, mitts. OLD MAN WINTER HAS COME TO STAY FOR A BIT.

This year I will try and do better. I don't think I will actually be able to embrace it, but I will ty to be more positive and not let the horribleness of the winter months be the major factor in my outlook on life :)

All we have to do it make it to March Break and then we can see the light, the sunlight, at the end of the tunnel.

And so, with newfound dtermination and optimism...

Isn't it beautiful :)

Think First. Ask Questions Later

2010-01-01T11:07:00.003-04:00

The first day of a brand new year. New decade in this case. It's all so new and shiny and full of possibilities. A little scary since all those new possibilities can be the exciting side of new failures, disappointments and bad ideas.

I've been thinking a lot about New Year resolutions. The number of things I want to change about myself. Be the change I want to see. Work on myself, not on others.

I have never done well with New Year resolutions. Mostly I forget about them until it's too late. So if I want them to work, I need to remember them. They need to be short and snappy.

I need only one. Surely I can remember and implement one. One all-encompassing resolution.

THNK FIRST

I need to think first: before eating, before speaking, before acting, before reacting, before "yes", before "no"... I need to think even before thinking itself.

I'm hoping this will lead to better decisions, better delivery and the slowing down of the words in my head. If I consciously think first, maybe there is a better chance of doing it God's way instead of my way.

Happy New Year.

Getting Closer

2009-12-22T00:04:00.003-04:00

Well today was the big, pre-Christmas grocery shop. Not too bad. The best part was the store wasn't that busy, got a great parking spot and no waiting at the cash - what's up with that? The other good news is that we have pretty much stuck to my Christmas budget. I have never done a Christmas budget before but wanted to have one to use as a guideline. I tried to include everything: food, special events/dinners out, gifts, etc. I knew we would probably go over, I budgeted for that- HA - but I found it really helpful to keep on track and to keep being realistic with myself. This year I was a bit "Grinchy" and decided that I wasn't going to buy presents that weren't wanted, liked or just "because". Sometimes a less expensive, more thoughtful gift is better.

Last night we had a snowstorm. Not much in accumulation, just mostly nasty and annoying and tricky driving. But it didn't get in the way of us attending the Barra MacNeil's Christmas Concert! I was so thankful it didn't get cancelled. I have wanted to see their Christmas Concert for years and it was as great I knew it would be. I think I will go every year. I may have to find someone to go with since my family liked it but didn't love it like I did.

Tomorrow I am hoping we will complete the last minute shopping errands, change the beds and generally finalize the "to do" list. My mom is coming on the 23rd, we have hair appts and Marly has her "braces-off photo shoot". What a great perk from our orthodontist. I think Christmas Eve will arrive to a ready and happy and non-stressed household.

Frank is so happy on vacation and Marly will build the gingerbread house tomorrow. Everyone seems to be resting and content. I am getting excited at the thought of hosting Christmas dinner.

However, today Margie and Paul had the funeral for their mother and tomorrow Shelley buries her father. So close to Christmas. It is the first year without Cherie - I am still in disbelief about that. Karen is having the first Christmas without her Dad, Andrea without hers. This "circle of life" thing is not good. I am not ready for it at all. So much death. It must have always been there, I just never noticed because it didn't really affect me. Now I am at that age and stage. God bless all those souls who have gone and please extra bless those who are left behind.

Brrrrry

2009-12-17T23:13:00.003-04:00

It was a cold, cold day today. Didn't get warmer that -10 and windy, so that makes it worse.

One more day of school tomorrow. Marly made and iced brownies for the english class party, bought sunchips for the PHAL party and will be making sugar cookies in the Food class party. I guess nothing is happening in science. She is happy and excited. Also, she babysat tonight and has a job lined up for Monday so that always makes her happy...cha ching!

Frank and I ran errands today. Got a lot done. Little things, but lots of stops. Some Christmas preparations. We even had a snack together. He is enjoying his vacation, especially with the new computer.

I have my last doc appt tomorrow, the ENT specialist. Then hopefully I won't see another doc until 2010. A few more errands. Marly is with her Dad on the weekend and we have the Barra MacNeil's Christmas concert on Sunday night. I have always wanted to see it, so I am very excited.

I am missing my Dad a lot lately but I am trying to be Christmassy. Of course, I am trying not to over-indulge Marly but it's soo hard. I'd buy her the world if I could, but Christmas isn't about that. I'm nervous about having Christmas Dinner here this year. Our house-hold is so quiet compared to others. We don't live in chaos. But it seems pretty boring.

I am learning to live up against the wall. I have so much I need to talk to my Dad about and he is not here and no one else is here. It's like being up against a brick wall. I am just stuck there. So I talk to myself and try to imagine what Dad would say and hope I get it right. I suppose that is what growing up is all about...doing it yourself. It's hard to listen when the words aren't spoken out loud.

It's still green here. Wisps and swirls of snow. Please hold off until all the Christmas travelling is done.

Advent Reconciliation

2009-12-16T20:46:00.002-04:00

I do love confession.

Although, I look like an idiot as I come down from crying in front of everyone.

But I love being shiny clean and everything right between me and my God.

I feel so relieved, so ready. I love that time before my next sin :)

Believe me, I ask for forgiveness all the time. If I waited for confession, I'd be so weighted down I wouldn't be able to walk in the church. I'd have to be brought in a wheel-barrow and dumped in front of the priest.

I just love the personal reflection and the good advice. It's a great sacrament.

Third Sunday in Advent

2009-12-13T11:10:00.003-04:00

This weekend we welcomed the RCIA candidates into the church and promised to support them on their journey. This is the first time I have been a sponsor. It is very exciting to be part of someone's journey. It is also interesting since my own daughter will be confirmed this year, so I can watch the process from two very different people's points of views.

This is the last week of school. Marly has to pass in her science fair project, present it to the judges, write a quiz, make sugar cookies. A jam-packed last week. Frank is already on vacation until 2010. He received a very generous, very well-deserved, Christmas bonus. That was exciting!

I am finally feeling better after 6-7 weeks of illness. Swine flu, pneumonia, major sinus infection, migraines, vertigo, asthma, etc. Basically the fall was a complete write-off. But the doc thinks I'm on the mend and I should be completely fine by the new year. Miraculously Frank and Marly stayed well and we had several wonderful friends who saw us through these bad weeks.

The Christmas shopping is well underway and Marly even wrapped half of them. The decorating, although on a small scale, is done and we are enjoying the tree. Christmas dinner will be at our house this year. So the plans seem to be set.

I went looking at Christmas lights a couple of nights ago. There were flurries flurrying around and lights twinkling and music playing and that is my favourite part of Christmas: lights and music.

Christmas will come and go, faster than a sparkly Christmas light. Time goes on, there's no stopping it.

I miss my Dad.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-10-10T18:45:00.002-03:00

"It's getting colder every morning" (Marly leaving for the bus)

2009-09-10T08:09:00.005-03:00

Today is the 6th day of High School. So far things are going great. Marly is really stepping up to the plate. Not that she wouldn't have stepped up before, it has just never been required of her. She is taking her classes and homework very seriously. She has had two Student Council meetings and tonight is the first dance. As part of SC, she is part of the set-up committee. She has even recruited her two best friends to help, so that will get them involved as well (they tend to hang back). She looks forward to her International Foods/Healthy Living class every day. She is loving it. They cook every Friday. She was placed in Advanced Science - surprise to us! It is a challenge but I think she is liking the class and the challenge. She is more than capable, but you still have to do the work. Today is PINK DAY - part of the anti-bullying campaign started in the valley a couple of years ago. She is loving the freedom of HS, ie: leaving the school grounds at lunch. Two piano lessons under her belt and synchro starts next Saturday. She is off and running. Here's to a good year...

Please God - get those braces off!!!

The weather has been spectacular. I know I talk about the weather but it's a big topic of conversation here. Unbelievably sunny and warm EVERYDAY! The beginning of fall is always so beautiful.

We had a nice Labour Day weekend. Mom came in for a night and we were tourists in our own city: Peggy's Cove, Fisherman's Cove, the Public Gardens. So beautiful.

This weekend is our last "free" weekend. Frank has a "golf" day tomorrow with work. Marly and I are having a girl's supper - Japanese :) . On Saturday Marly has a friend's birthday sleepover after church.

It's back to Mass for her. She had a slack summer church-wise. I, on the other hand, had my best summer attendance to date. It's her Confirmation this year. Her last year of religious ed. Can't believe it - time goes so fast. I know I will cry :) That will really impress her I'm sure :)

Yesterday I had a "perk up your house" day. A new pillow for the couch for the pillow cover that Mom brought back from Turkey. New shades for old bases for a "new", MATCHING set of lamps in our bedroom. Moved my 50s Pill Box hat lamp from the bedroom to the livingroom for all to see. I decorated a wreath form with autumn coloured beads for a fall, front door decoration. The jury's still out on that one. It looks like a wreath with beads on it. Janet said "is that the look you're going for?" I'm not sure yet. It sparkles in the sunlight but just looks like beads on a wreath otherwise.

Well the dentist awaits. How I hate the dentist :( Odd for someone whose teeth are fine and always have been. I shake so much he said "it's like killing Bambi". The only good thing is that I am too afraid to not go. My greatest fear is a root canal which I have never had and don't even know what it is - it just SOUNDS awful. At least they are SO nice to me and my nerves.

Summertime is All Gone

2009-09-02T10:27:00.004-03:00

Summer. It's all over. I can't believe it. It always goes SO FAST!

Today is the first day of school and the first day of High School. I can't believe she is in grade 10. I remember primary so vividly. However, she is ready. The morning went smoother that I expected, although that shouldn't be a surprise. It had been planned for days. The hair, the clothes, the breakfast, the lunch. Again with the "I'm making my own lunch". Wonder how long that will last? About as long as getting up when the alarm goes off is my guess. She looked awesome. FIFTEEN. BUT she kissed me goodbye and texted me when she got there. I'm happy. We went out for dinner last night to OPA to celebrate the end of summer and beginning of a new year. Lots of families with the same idea. Yummy OPA - I should have been a Greek!

I had a wonderful trip to NYC with Mom and Barbie. First time for Mom and me. Good thing Barbie knew her way around. We went on three bus tours (downtown, mid/uptown and one at night), three broadway musicals: 9 To 5, West Side Story and the Marvelous Wonderettes, the Backstage Tour of Radio City, the NBC StudioTtour and the Observation Deck at the Top of 30 Rock. A carriage ride through Central Park. And of course walking and windon shopping on 5th Ave, 6th Ave, Madison Ave, Times Square, etc. We ate at the Magnolia Bakery, Planet Hollywood, yummy suishi and a great irish pub called Connellys. We stayed at the Roosevelt Hotel which was lovely and a great central location to all our activities. The whole 4 days flew by. If I never get back, I feel I have really seen NYC. The only thing left really is the Radio City Christmas Spectacular so it's back to saving loonies and twoonies. A great city. The people were so friendly and nice and helpful. Only one less than positive observation...it is SO LOUD. I was prepared the noise of contruction and traffic and emergency vehicles. But it was the noise of 81/2 million people just living that I wasn't ready for. Yikes! As a bonus, both flights were very good. On time and one even early.

When I arrived home, the birthday sleepover was on. Barbie graciously offered her hot tub and pool deck for the afternoon. The pool itself was freezing and dirty after Hurricane Bill and Tropical Storm Dan, but the hot tub party was a hit. They set up a tent in the backyard and slept under the stars. The girls had a wonderful time together since this party was piggy-backing another birthday sleepover from the night before so they had lots of time together before school starts and they get separated. Squeezing in every last second of summer before this morning :)

Who knows what lies ahead. I am so lucky that every summer vacation is fabulous. Lots of friends and family get togethers, short trips away, pools and hot tubs, no bedtimes and no schedules.

This fall we are back to piano lessons and synchronized swimming. There is a real, decent school band to play in finally. Frank is more and more active with his HAM Radio. My bible study will be starting up the beginning of October. I want to try and take Mass more seriously this year.

I have three years left of being an at-home Mom. I want to fill those years with good things and good memories.

The Routine

2009-09-01T17:11:00.004-03:00

We are back at it :(

She is at her first piano lesson of the year. Even before school starts (tomorrow). That's rough!

This year her lessons are one hour instead of 45 minutes because she is considered "advanced" (RCM level 7). The downside of success. That went over like a lead balloon :)

Only Hearing the Birds

2009-08-13T09:46:00.005-03:00

It is so quiet right now.

I have gone to Curves, had my shower and had my delicious Tim's. There is no radio or TV or laundry going or Ipod. Complete quiet. Just the tapping of my laptop keys. My daughter and nephew are asleep downstairs. Who knows when they drifted off last night?

Summer is almost over. Not quite three weeks left. I love summer so much. I can't believe it's almost over. I know the Fall is lovely but my girl is back to school so it's not the same.

We have had a great time. Lots of BBQs and summer parties. Lots of sleepovers. My trip to Bangor/Freeport with girlfriends was awesome. I'm sure the trip to NYC will be amazing. Lots of pool time, despite the July weather. Lots of summer.

This year, she will spend almost an entire week with her Dad. First time. I secretly never minded or pushed it. I'd rather her be with me. Anyway, next week will be very fun for her - the novelty is so much better than being at boring old home.

Please, Dear God, let the braces come off before school starts.

She has a weekend with a friend at Grammie's. Three days of babysitting for back-to-school clothes money. When will we fit that shopping day in? Her birthday! Her birthday pool day/camping sleepover to organize and pull off. A Family BBQ. So much left and the days are counting down.

And then it's done. And then she will be starting high school. Grade 10. Fifteen. Be still my heart. Be still my aching heart. Only three more years at home. So fast. Too fast. Right before my eyes. Like a flash of lightning. Blink and she's gone. Taking my heart with her.

Don't think about it. Enjoy everyday. Carve out memories. Take more pictures. Let her go.

Be still my aching, bleeding, tearful heart.

Summer Weekend

2009-07-26T21:45:00.002-03:00

This weekend was a great weekend. Frank took an extra day so we had three days in the valley. We went so that Frank could work on a chore list that my Mom has been accumulating for quite some time now.

He: cleaned up the computer and made changes to it, put up a new clothesline, installed storage hooks, installed/wired-in a new motion detector/outdoor light, worked on the lawn mower - all with a happy heart and patient disposition.

I, on the other hand, visited friends, went to the Farmers' Market, ate out for lunch, went for a drive and went to church with Mom and saw old PW friends.

On Sunday we were all able to go to the lake and Marly was able to swim it twice and spend the whole afternoon in the water. Angela rescued her from the "list" and kept her with them until we could make it out. Then we all had supper, were given freshly picked veggies and off to home we went.

We even hit Frenchy's and Frank scored a new shirt for work.

AND IT WAS SUNNY AND WARM TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!

It is foggy now :(

I love, love, love summer!

Parental Frustration

2009-07-22T12:21:00.003-03:00

My daughter will turn 15 next month. I can't believe it. The time has flown by. No matter what I do, I can't stop it.

She has become and is maturing into a lovely young lady. She does well in school, swims and plays piano and clarinet. She has started babysitting and is loving it and doing really well. She has nice friends, has a nice little social life and has become very interested in clothes and shopping. So far, not so much on the boys and I am definitely OK with that.

She is capable, mature, independent, resourceful, thoughtful of others, loyal, honest, hilarious and too sarcastic for her own good. In addition to loving her more than life itself, I really like her.

But...

The most important quality I have tried to convey is kindness. I must say that most of the time she is quite kind and compassionate. I have tried hard to show her how to turn the other cheek, give people the benefit of the doubt, stand up for herself and be true to herself while being diplomatic and caring, seeing two sides to every story, etc. etc. - all without her becoming a doormat herself.

But she's almost 15. She is making more and more of her own decisions everyday. What clothes to wear, what shows to watch, what movies to see. I am right there, trying to guide her, but also trying to give her the space she needs to experiment and maybe even fall.

So today, at the othodontist appt, she is mean and rude on purpose to the dental hygenist. Because she's mad they pointed out she needs to keep wearing the elastics and it will be one more month until the braces off. My heart justs breaks. That she would choose to be mean to this girl. This young lady who is trying to be nice and gets cut off by a selfish kid.

I know she's still a kid. Kids will be kids. I know she's frustrated and tired of the braces. But what about personal responsibility, or at the very least, sucking it up? It's got to start sometime. Just because Mommy's letting you speak for yourself, it's not freedom to be rude.

It's because it's a choice. That my daughter, after all these years, would choose to act that way on purpose. That she chose that behaviour over all others. I find it so disheartening. Did I show her nothing? Did I model that? Was she not listening at all? Have I failed? Is this her true self emerging?

I know I'm being a little dramatic. I was just hurt. To be honest, a little embarrassed and ashamed.

I just want so much for her. I know she's trying to figure herself out and how to handle herself in all sorts of situations. The world can be so harsh. I just want her to be able to do her share of the goodness. To want to be good and kind. To know that it's important.

Because nice matters. It really does.

Summertime

2009-07-20T20:22:00.003-03:00

Swimming in the pool, relaxing in the hot tub - rain or shine. We've had too many rainy, foggy, dreary, misty days that we gave up and wet is wet, let's get on with it!

Last minute sleepovers, extravagant forts in the basement, free video game rentals with report card.

Nephew staying over for a week of "Aunt Sandy camp". Major grocery shopping done for "Aunt Sandy camp".

Attending niece's drama camp "Cinderella" and clapping wildly for the evil step-sister.

Making reservations for girls' trip to Bangor and Freeport for some retail therapy and major laughing our heads off.

I love summer. I don't need seasons. I would never miss them. I love the yellow sun, green grass and blue sky and pool lining!

Happy Canada Day!

2009-07-01T12:56:00.004-03:00

July 1st - it's Canada Day. I thank God everyday for placing me in this amazing province in this amazing country. Where my family and friends and I are safe, happy, healthy and able to embrace life as we wish.

That we are free.

That we have a government and a military and fellow citizens who defend that freedom.

That Canada is a country that is fair and well respected in the global community. That we have free education and free health care. That we take care of our own.

Don't mistake me, we have our problems. But we are committed to solving them.

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Sad Day for Pop Culture

2009-06-25T22:31:00.005-03:00

I just have to say good-bye to Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.

I am part of the generation that has never known a world without Michael and Farrah. I know that sounds a little extreme but playing "Charlie's Angels" and singing to the Jackson 5 and Michael were big parts of my childhood and school dances.

Good-night Angel.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T11:59:00.003-03:00

This is my first Father's Day without my father.

I have wished him Happy Father's Day in Heaven three times so far, but it's just not the same. I know he can hear me but I just can't hear him.

I am so sad.

My best friend called a few minutes ago to make sure I was alright. I guess I am. Life does go on. But it's not the same and it's not as good.

I miss my Dad so much. I have so many things I need to talk about but he was the only one who could talk to me like I needed. Rational, practical and full of common sense, but not impersonal or non-caring. Validating my feelings but not letting them take charge or lead me to a wrong decision.

My father is in no pain now. I am glad of that. It was so hard to watch. It's just mean that in order for him to achieve that, he had to leave us. He worked so hard for so long to be healthy, to be ready for whatever was in store for him. But in the end the family genes laughed in his face and said "You are no match for us. We are stronger than you."

My Dad was funny, smart, caring, practical and one of my very best friends. He loved me no matter what.

I miss him so much.

Back to the Snow...

2009-03-25T08:14:00.002-03:00

We have returned. Back to the ice and snow and cold and wind. No more desert, palm trees, pacific ocean, and shoes without socks. We had an amazing time.

I did not keep a journal, although the emails to home could suffice. We went to LA and saw the sights: Beverly Hills, Santa Monica Blvd, Rodeo Drive, Sunset Blvd, Hollywood and Vine, The Grove, the freeway, the Hollywood Sign and all the things I've seen on TV and wanted to see my whole life.

Very crowded. Too much traffic. How small town am I?

The drives through the deserts were amazing. Nothing like I imagined. Giant windmill farms up close.

Phoenix, Scottsdale, Paradise Valley, Tempe, Chandler were all wonderful. I could definitely live in the desert year round. Except for no ocean - that would be a problem.

Grand Canyon, Prescott, Sedona, the mountains - stunning works of nature. Overwhelming works of God's hand.

Huntington Beach, just outside of LA. Just what I thought it would be. There I could live. The ocean and sun. Together all the time. Perfection. I had my picture taken with a "real live California surfer dude (Mike)". Good guy.

At the beach, I felt strangely calm. I realized it was fulfillment. Obviously, since it took so long to figure out this particular feeling, I must not feel it too often :) Being in California. A life-long dream come true. True inner satisfaction.

I learned things:

I am not surprised at what God can do. I was speechless at the beauty of Sedona. Positively stunning. And what can you say about the Grand Canyon. But, strangely, I wasn't surprised. It's like I expect greatness from Him.

I am surprised at the tenacity of man. The DESIRE to get from one place to another. Across deserts, through or around mountain tops, canyons, water, forests - nothing stands in man's way if man wants to get from Point A to Point B. How did people find the Grand Canyon and Sedona in the first place?

I live in Canada. It's a big country. We have a national railroad and three coastlines - I know about getting from Point A to Point B. But aside from the Rockies, my country's train and road trips have revealed the space, the vastness and distance.

Man is determined. Scary thought.

On a dreadfully sad note. My cousin Cherie died while I was away. I lit a candle for her in the Chapel of the Holy Cross in the red rocks of Sedona on Wednesday and she died early Friday morning. She is one of my favourite people ever.

One other thing I learned and I think it's a sign that I'm growing up. In and Out Burger, Carl's Junior, Chilis, Steinmart, Ross, TJ Maxx, etc., etc. They are just stores. Just because they are not here, doesn't make them better. They are fun, but they are just stores. This is important for me to learn and remember.

Suck It Up

2009-03-06T12:42:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to "suck it up" and not whine and be grateful and accept people for who they are. "Be the change I want to see".

On that note...

I have gone to the bank and exchanged money into $US (tears flowing down my cheeks, the rates are soooo bad. Why didn't we buy $US in the summer when our $$ was better???).

Holiday haircuts for me and teenager this afternoon.

Missy's (the ferret) holiday arrangements are finalized.

Practically all meals planned from now until Wednesday to minimize excess grocery shopping and to eat what is currently in the freezer.

Teenager is doing an exceptional job on getting her school work done early and after this weekend will be completely under control. What would I do without her?

Husband has a new plan to try and minimize his snoring which is greatly appreciated.

Ginormous favour asked and accepted by darling friend to look after our house and pick up mail while we are gone. That is a great weight off my shoulders and now I can leave everything in peace. I must find the perfect thank-you gift on our travels.

A lot of the yucky stuff is getting done and soon we'll have to pack and get the carry-ons ready and that is the fun stuff. Even doing laundry in preparation of packing clean clothes is fun.

I just hope lack of plan doesn't result in missing something that someone really wants to do. Have faith. I don't mind being spontaneous - I just really like the anticipation and planning. To me that's part of the fun.

The Annual Corned Beef and Cabbage is tomorrow night. Can't wait. I have been looking forward to it since last year. My plan (ha ha) is the same as last year. One good helping of corned beef, seconds of course. I may have the obligatory veggie or two to make the plate look balanced. And then, more CB for dessert.

TGIF!

Just a Little

2009-03-04T21:18:00.002-04:00

Ok. I'm a little stressed. We don't travel very often. I haven't been on a plane in 5 years. Most of my trips are short road trips over the border and back to shop. Or over to the island for a few days. This 12 day adventure is a bit daunting. I feel like I'm doing all the prep work myself. That's because I am.

I am trying to make sure all the assignments, tests and project are completed and passed in before we leave, so there won't be any scary surprises upon our return. To her credit, my girl is on top of things. She knows I'm worried, so she's doing her very best at school; staying in at recess and lunch for extra help, working hard day and night. She's a good girl.

I'm trying to get the house ready, plan our packing, find someone to do the airport runs, look after the house and ferret, etc. etc. These things don't just happen on their own you know.

But the other grownup isn't really helping. Not with the practicalities or with the anticipation. I like being excited and talking about it and planning. He doesn't. He is at work until we go. At night, it's like it isn't even happening. A little depressing and not very fun at all. And I feel like we are going to land in California and then what?? After our reserved lunch at American Girl, that's it. No thoughts. We have so little time to fulfill life-long dreams I don't have any minutes to spare thinking about it in an LA parking lot.

Relax. Don't worry about it. That's what I'll have to do and what I will do, but that's no fun for me. Doing it his way is alright for him. I'm a caver. I like to talk about it and make plans and read up and have a plan of attack. I'm not talking about every minute. Just a rough idea so we don't get to the end of the trip wishing we did something but didn't have time or couldn't get there because you needed to plan in advance. I don't want anyone disappointed (yes, me too) because no one bothered to put the effort in. In this economy, spending this much money deserves a lot of effort!

So I'll put in my effort, by myself.

And tomorrow I have to go (with my sister) to visit my Mom about post-Dad stuff. Always a good time.

The Month That We're In!

2009-03-02T14:35:00.004-04:00

I can't believe it's finally March 2009. That means that our long-awaited trip to California and Arizona will take place in the month that we're in. No more sleeps. Well, we aren't going until next week, but I need those sleeps to get ready :)

My whole life I have wanted to go to Los Angeles and now I finally am because it's less expensive to fly to and from there, rather than via Phoenix (our final destination). Lunch at the American Girl Doll store and a tour of all the hot spots is all that we have time for, but I'll take what we can get. A night at Huntington Beach for work but that will be fun too!

Then off to Az. To the Grand Canyon, Phoenix, Tuscon, Mexico (just a hop over the border and back) and all the real, authentic mexican food we can find. My teenage girl is so excited to eat at all the chains she hears about. And the shopping. And the SUN and NO SNOW and the SUN!!!

The next week or so I'll be in a bit of a panic, but I love that five day forecast - all sun, maybe a cloud. Can't wait!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

2009-01-05T13:29:00.002-04:00

Kids are like a mirror. The kind of mirror that slaps you in the face after it offers your reflection.

I have a quick tongue and a sarcastic wit. I think fast and I talk fast. Too fast. Generally I just think people should keep up with me and not be so sensitive. People should embrace themselves and be who they are. Those on the receiving end should appreciate the honestly and lack of pussy-footing and get on with things. Except, of course, when I need to be sensitive.

I know, I know...do not let anything evil, or whatever, come out of you mouth. Use words to build others up not tear them down (I've been looking for that verse). At the very least, do unto others...and you get more flies with honey...

Sigh.

But when you have a conversation/dressing down with your teenager about her needing to consider others' feelings first, and being kind to others, even when they make you frustrated, etc. and then you find out that you were rude to someone and you didn't even notice because you are like that all the time AND YOUR KID NOTICED - well, can I dig myself a hole and hide :(

I am so ashamed. That my child, the one I am supposed to be "training up" saw me be a bitch. The mere fact that I was a bitch. The fact that I am a bitch. Even if I'm not a bitch all the time but even just one time (although I know it's more than once). Oh dear God, I am so ashamed.

I've been practically paralyzed with shame all day.

I will try and use this as a final catalyst for change. I don't want to be seen like that. Especially be seen like that by my teenage daughter. I don't want to be like that. I really need to use this opportunity to re-direct my words.

But right now I am just so ashamed.

My father would be so ashamed and disappointed in me. I am ashamed and disappointed in me.

Shame, shame, double shame.

2008-11-26T22:05:00.001-04:00

My father died Sunday morning, November 16th, 2008.

A long time away.

2008-08-27T21:25:00.002-03:00

I've been away a long time.

My father was very unexpectedly ill in May - ultra-serious heart problems. Not quite healed, never will be, but much better. After almost six weeks of him in the hospital and his move back to the house, I got very sick with pneumonia and UTI (stress?) and then very sick with complications from the medications. Once that was finally over, we had our first ever and super-successful family reunion.

Now, it's all done and we're sort of back to normal. Once all the laundry is done :). Labour Day this long weekend and back to school the following Wednesday. I cannot believe she is starting grade nine. She is halfway through her braces and got contacts a few weeks ago. Turned 14. No more a "baby teenager".

I've kept up with reading my blogs. Just reading them has really helped with my personal chaos. The routine, the normalcy.

Hopefully once school is in, I will blog more frequently and more regularly. I'd like that for myself.

Summer is fading away.

I Love April

2008-04-08T19:01:00.002-03:00

Four robins in the last week.

Feeling heat from the sun, not just enjoying the yellow.

Talky, chatty, singing, noisy birds.

Lost treasures found now that the snow has melted.

The snow is all gone.

If it snows again, which it probably will, it will go fast.

Crocuses...purple and yellow and white.

Spring jackets and crocs.

Wearing a sweatshirt and sneakers to school.

BBQ in the air.

Bikes on the lawn, driveway chalk and roller blades.

Washing the car - too bad it's not mine :)

April is the month with all of spring and summer ahead of it.

April is hope and beauty and newness and freshness.

Waking up with the sun and having daylight late after supper.

Sigh. I love April.

I gave up the internet for Lent.

2008-03-26T09:03:00.007-03:00

This past Shrove Tuesday I was trying to think of something to give up for Lent. Chocolate and candy and junk are the old stand-bys, but I wanted to do something different. Last year I gave up making excuses for not exercising and just do it and that went very well. I also committed to praying while I walked, instead of listening to my Ipod, and there were some good conversations.

In the end, I decided to give up the internet. In fact, at the last moment, I decided to give it up. So last minute, in fact, that I couldn't even write a post about it.

No computer, except for emailing and banking and help with schoolwork - I didn't think I could notify the school, bank and emailers in time, nor would they care about my sacrifice.

It was a long 40 days. I had no idea how much time I spent in front of this screen...mostly just reading and surfing. It was automatic to go to it many times a day.

I missed the bloggers terribly and often wondered what was happening in their lives. Especially since I knew about upcoming events, ie: BooMama's trip, baby Avery and Easter. I thought about the bloggers a lot, knowing their lives were going on and I wasn't "in" on anything.

I learned I use the internet a lot for general information and fact-finding. Topics originating from conversations, TV shows, magazines and general news. Wikipedia is great and was sorely missed. For me, the computer has thoroughly replaced the phone book/yellow pages, watching weather forecasts, dictionary/thesauras books, encylopedias and any other type of resource material. It's my first stop to find anything.

At the same time, I also gave up watching daytime TV - even Oprah and Dr. Phil. Let me clarify, I have the TV on for company, I truly do, an old habit picked up from my Grandmother. So I tried to listen to the radio, which is a lot more local with information, and CDs or just quiet. The no daytime TV wasn't a part of lent, but it seemed to fit in with reducing the electronic bombardment.

So, what happened to me, aside from realizing my addiction to this very small screen?

I wish I could say that my life changed forever, in wonderful ways, but it didn't really. I read a lot more books which really isn't a good thing, as I read a lot already. I'm an obsessive reader, almost addict-like. When I have a good book, all I want to do is read and do nothing else. To the point when I could almost resent the intrusion of my life on my reading time. I try to read a little everyday, but I get so involved I don't want to let go. So all the extra time wasn't good in the beginning. I read compulsively for the first couple of weeks, but then I ended that.

I liked the quiet. That was nice. No white noise. It's amazing how noisy white noise is. I think that was the best part. Enjoying the quiet. I'm hoping I'll keep that up. And now that I know my tendency to sit and surf, I think I have to monitor that a bit more closely until new habits are formed.

One thing for sure is that I got to bed at a more reasonable hour on a more regular basis. That was good. And a trend I really should continue.

I think the thing that changed the most was that I spent more time in my life than in other people's. Nothing physically changed. I have to have a very low-key lifestyle to maintain a low stress level for health reasons. But mentally I was more present. Not emotionally, since unfortunately, I'm always present emotionally. Just mentally. Living my life, not reading about others' lives and (sometimes) living vicariously through them. That is a big thing for me. An active imagination is not always a good thing. It can take you out of your reality for too long and too far away. I was more present for me and then, I can only assume, for others.

That's not a new lesson for me. But one that is worth hearing again.

Nothing Much

2008-01-21T09:37:00.000-04:00

Nothing much has been going on. You know, days of nothing and then it's weeks later and you wonder what happened to the time.

I think I have the flu. Did I catch a "virus" from bloggyville - I still find that funny :) Sort of dizzy and chilly and wobbly but nothing major for sure yet. It's indoors today, just poking around with laundry and bill paying, hoping to fight it off.

Same old here. Snow, then no snow. Now snow and FREEZING temps!!! BooMama's Alabama Freeze makes me chuckle - if only we had the Alabama Freeze!

I read Dina Matos McGreevey's book (Silent Partner: Memoir of a Marriage) on the weekend; the former wife of the former governor of New Jersey who gave the "gay American" speech. Easy read and very interesting. She certainly had a rough go of it, as I'm sure he did. I hope they can all recover.

Gotta go and put a sweater on, the chills have set in and I don't know if it's me or the -26 Celsius outdoors...brrrrr.

New Year's Day 2008

2008-01-01T22:19:00.000-04:00

It's 2008.

It was beautiful and very sunny and not too cold.

Marly is getting over a cold and Frank has to go back to work tomorrow.

It's back to the routine of life.

My sister and brother-in-law will be house-hunting with a real estate agent tomorrow and will check out the surrounding areas. That is sort of surreal.

Will I find that perfect part-time, good paying, not interfering with my life job to pay for next year's hoped-for trip to Arizona? And maybe help to pay off some debts that any type of budgeting doesn't seem to fix.

Should I even be looking or just relish this time at home and not worry or wonder about the future and let Him do that? Or does that make me a dud expecting someone else to do the work? My eternal, unanswered question.

Today was beautiful and we are safe and together and loved and almost all well.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore Toto.

2007-12-26T00:11:00.000-04:00

Well, it's 12:11 am so it's officially Boxing Day.

It's all over.

And a great day it was.

Everyone was happy and bright, stuffed and satisfied.

I think we all deserve a pat on the back.

Today at noon I delivered my daughter to her father and his family to celebrate Christmas with them. Stick with me, it's going to get confusing. So my mother, my father, my daughter and husband/step-father go to have a Christmas visit with my daughter's father, his mother and father (who are divorced), his two sisters (one who is living with a man who is divorced and has a daughter, and one who is married to a man who has been divorced twice already). Then the mother of/former wife and the daughter of the man who lives with sister #1 came to have a Christmas visit and they brought a grandfather. I think there were five divorces, two re-marriages, three sets of grandparents, two step-parents, and two children.

We're not in Kansas anymore Toto.

You would never had known any of the family histories by watching us. We had a wonderful time. Exchanging and opening gifts, visiting and catching up, spoiling the girls. I marveled at it all and apparently so did others although we didn't say it out loud. Was it easy? It's getting better. Was it hard? Sometimes. Would we have rather done something else? Probably.

Why? Why do we do it? Why do we sit together at school concerts instead of at opposite ends of the school gym (like other families I know)? Why are we polite, kind, considerate and even glad to see each other? The answer is sooooooo easy.

For two little girls...one of which is my own.

It can be done. It should be done. Families aren't perfect, even the perfect ones.

I always say it comes down to how much you love your kids (providing no one is in any danger, etc.).

Grown-ups need to be the grown-ups so the kids can be the kids.

Mercy, time, forgiveness (??), perspective, resolution, peace of mind and heart are all good things.

I'm glad it's over, but I'm glad we do it.

And the best part is that my daughter thinks it's absolutely normal to have blended, extended family...because she has a family. And families stick together - somehow, some way, it will work out.

Merry Christmas 2007

2007-12-24T19:47:00.001-04:00

The Christmas Re-organization of the Tupperware Drawer

2007-12-18T08:41:00.000-04:00

It's kind of scary and I'll whisper this, in case I jinx it. But I think I'm ready...for Christmas that is :)

I did all my wrapping last week and that always makes me feel better and more organized. Some gifts are even delivered. The Christmas Eve and Day menus are planned and grocery list started. I even got on a bit of a roll and bought the birthday cards for the friends' birthdays in January that if I don't remember now, I will totally forget. And I even bought and wrapped my niece's February birthday gift because I was on a major roll for her and she is going to be 10 and is so easy to buy for as she is a real girly-girl.

Yesterday was a storm day and Marly and I had a great day. Not only did I get the Christmas changing of the beds done and the Christmas re-organizing of the tupperware drawer, but we were able to play (reindeer) games and finish her Christmas wrapping. This year she saved her money and bought a multitude of gifts for family and friends. She has truly discovered the gift of giving. She took her friends' gifts today to school, in case there is another storm day later on in the week, but she had to take them in an over-size birthday bag since I had given away all the Christmas gift bags to my mother...you know...because I didn't need them. The birthday gift bag looked a little off and I tried to lighten the mood saying, actually since it's Jesus birthday...but I don't know if that's going to cut the mustard in the eighth grade.

Unless my husband starts dropping hints, he'll be getting a goat for Christmas thanks to World Vision.

100th Post

2007-12-13T08:21:00.001-04:00

This is my 100th post. And I haven't much to say.

I find this time of year is a roller coaster ride. First you are riding high with decorations, light, music and anticipation, then you start to go down fast when you think about the wrapping and sorting and grocery shopping yet to be done and then you sink when you hear about hard times and struggles that just seem to be "more" because it's Christmastime.

I drive my husband to work everyday so that I can keep our one car at home with me. It works out very well. Not only does it get me up and dressed (I use that word lightly) and coffee-ed, but we only have one car insurance bill and maintenance and less pollution emitted on behalf of my family , etc.

On the way back this morning the radio station that I listen to faithfully was broadcasting from their annual toy-drive in conjunction with the movie theatre who was hosting them and the Salvation Army. Heartwarming. Then I heard about a concert hosted by a local celebrity that will be purchasing cows, goats, chickens, etc. with the proceeds via World Vision. Warm fuzzy feeling. Last night my daughter and I attended the Penitential service at our church and participated in the sacrament of Reconciliation. Good for our souls.

Then I come in to read my blogs and see in Especially Heather about her friend Kate who is undergoing brain surgery and needs prayers for her and her family. Now brain surgery is scary enough - but it just seems magnified happening at Christmastime. My city's homeless citizens are that much colder as the temperatures have dropped. It isn't funny. There is serious tragedy out there and it seems even more serious in light of December 25th.

Many time I pray/wish/hope that my God would just override free will and make it right for these people. I know He won't. That we are to do it through and for Him. To glorify Him and His Kingdom on Earth. How I feel that we are failing Him. How sorry I am to be a part of that failure. But I won't dwell in my failings. I will make myself go on - to continue to pray and do what I can. I know that Christmas Day is a reminder of God's love for us.

Dear Lord, I pray for Kate and her family. For the doctors and nurses. For wisdom and patience and encouragement and good results. Reveal Yourself to them in some way that they will recognize so they will be assured of Your Presence. Amen

We Did It

2007-12-02T21:04:00.000-04:00

We did it, we did it, I can't believe we did it but we really did.

We are ready for Christmas. Outdoor lights are up with an addition of two new reindeer. Tree up, lit and decorated. House regaled with ornaments and knick-knacks and memories of years past. And the gingerbread house was even built and the 3-D puzzle village constructed and in place. The only things left is the real village in the front window and the clean-up of now empty storage bins.

And the best part - the dusting and cleaning of places we don't normally see. The re-arranging of electronic cords and computer desk. And the purging - how I love the purging.

So I think we are ready for the calendar of events staring us in the face. Every night this week is booked and more to come. But with the house ready and most hand-made gifts completed, I can embrace the season (instead of running away).

Fa la la la la la la la la!

Same Same Same

2007-11-22T07:34:00.000-04:00

Same Same Same.

It's all the same.

Sore back.

Sore foot.

More leaves fall, more to rake, more to compost, more to bag.

More sore back.

More sore foot.

Were there this many leaves last year?

Yes. But I feel compelled to ask that question.

Same Same Same.

It's Definitely Fall

2007-10-28T00:52:00.000-03:00

Oh it's Fall alright!! Do you know how I know that? Do you want me to tell you how I know? Do you want me to let you in on the secret? The secret of knowing whether or not we are in the Autumn Season? The one, clear, unavoidable, undeniable tell-tale sign that we are in the middle of Fall? Do you want to know? Do you? Do you?

I'LL TELL YOU!!

We spent all morning raking and bagging and mowing and raking again, bags and bags of leaves and filling compost carts and now...12 hours later...you cannot tell that AT ALL. The ground is completely covered with lovely autumn foliage. I have to actually go out and look at the bags otherwise this morning seems like a dream, the kind of dream that leaves (no pun intended) you with a sore back and you are OUT of tylonel.

Oh, and the one other reason that assures me that YES, it is Fall...the knowledge that we will be repeating this morning's exercise at least two more times this season.

There must be a silver lining...there is...no bugs. That's all I've got :o)

The Brunch That Goes Until Suppertime

2007-10-21T21:07:00.000-03:00

About four times a year I have Sunday lunch with four good friends. Three of these girls I used to work with and one is the wife of a guy I used to work with, all from the same office.

I love these girls. These are MY friends. We all met when we were just ourselves. Not wives or moms or church committee members or neighbors. We were work-mates who chose to become friends and even though no one still works at that organization anymore, we have chosen to remain friends. We have gotten married, divorced, had children, changed houses and jobs. But we stayed friends. It's hard to stay in touch even though we live relatively close to each other. Lives are so busy and we all have families but we still carve out the time.

When I visit with these women, they want to know about me. Oh yes, they are very interested in my husband and child, our lives, the day to day activity, etc. but if we spent the whole time talking about just ME, that would be fine too. I am the connection to these women, and them to me. Not school or commitments or bible studies or jobs or choir or neighbourhoods. Just me.

It's nice to have a group like that. We talk about parenting and careers and books and being married, being divorced, traveling and whatever we want. We are just there to enjoy each other. We just want to be with each other because we like each other for our girl-selves. We became a part of each others lives when our lives and choices were only our own.

I love them very much.

The Braces Are On

2007-10-20T12:14:00.000-03:00

Yes, that's right. Today is Saturday and it's been five days since my 13 year-old got her braces put on. I feel we've started a new right-of-passage.

"Moderate Space Management Issues"

That is the technical term for too many teeth, not enough room. So the braces have gone on. Generally though, I think her problems are pretty common and should be dealt with quite easily (in 18-24 months for a cost of half a good second-hand car), except for one 12 year molar that has "gone awry" and that's another story altogether.

And, as much as we tried to be prepared and anticipate/dread the new experience, we/she/me weren't exactly ready for the first couple of days of PAIN. I went through a series of retainers when I was a kid/teenager and I know about mouth/teeth pain, but I think this is much worse. Oh the swollen lips - just a sad, sad sight. The appetite has finally come back but not enough to actually chew a whole lot. It'll come, I know. The bonus is that the braces are purple and match her glasses and Ipod case, so if you have to have a mouth full of metal, at least be colour-coordinated with the rest of your look.

I, of course, being the mother of only one child, see this time in our lives a bit more sadly than painfully.

She is 13. I won't see her teeth again until she is 15. That is hard. When they come off, she will be a real teenager and contacts won't be far behind I'm sure. This year's school picture is beautiful and I especially like it because it is the last picture with her teeth all her own, as nature placed them. Eventually they'll be beautifully straight and lined up, but they will have been forced to move (for her own health I know).

I know I tend to be a bit dramatic. But I never planned on only having one child. So every "event" that comes along, I try to squeeze every last drop out of (the good, the bad and the ugly) because I won't have the opportunity to do it again. I try to see it from all angles so I don't miss anything. Everything is a one-shot deal. The hardest part is not being able to do it better/more relaxed the second time around, with the first as the practice time, since there is no second time. I can't practice what I've learned on the next kid. Everything is always happening to me, the Mom, the first time too, and no one gets any benefits of experience.

All that was the wave that past over me a couple of nights ago in between doses of tylonel and yogurt/applesauce/chocolate pudding. You just can't beat chocolate pudding.

I'm OK now. I just feel I spend most of my time at the end of a dock waving good-bye to someone heading out towards the horizon. "We had a lovely time but when will I see you again?" Never really. Always she is growing into the person she is and will be. A miracle to witness and be a part of. I'm loving every second, but I'm feeling that good parenting is a bit bitter-sweet. A child is to grow and evolve and mature and that is good. It's just hard when you miss who they were as well because you really liked them then too.

It's Getting Hallowe'enie Out There

2007-10-15T16:34:00.000-03:00

Ooooh it's been chilly the last few days. Cool and windy. Sunny and crisp. The leaves are starting to fall. Jackets are being searched for, hats actually worn waiting for the school bus early in the morning.

Apple-crisp for dessert and chili for supper.

And we had to turn the heat on...Sigh.

Hallowe'en is right around the corner. You can feel it in the air.

Overwhelmed With Life In General

2007-10-11T11:52:00.001-03:00

I am overwhelmed. Since I tend to be emotional, I try very hard to keep my life in balance, keep the stress in check and work to keep life and all that happens in perspective.

I think I am done with that. At least for now.

Last week, my daughter's junior high school had the fire alarm pulled and standard procedure (fire department, police, etc.) followed three times in one day by "pranksters" and then the school had 4 bombs threats and two school evacuations (but important to note: no school closures) in 3 days. Six arrests so far but little-to-no hope that any real action will be taken.

I called the school, talked to the principal and vice-principal, the Student Advisory Council, the Guidance office, several parents and any piece of furniture in the house that would listen to me. General response - "keep our fingers crossed" - that's a direct quote from the principal and "appeal to the students' sense of common decency" - that's the school board quote. No hard-balling it, no nothing but a notice too late. I'm exhausted just thinking about all over again and again, to no avail.

And then last night, when I was at Alpha of all places, my daughter was beaten up.

I am stunned.

She was playing outside and two kids wanted to wrestle and she said no, she doesn't play that way and kept trying to say no. The sister started to kick her and punch her (in the face) and the brother kicked her (and left bruises) and finally, my girl decked the boy and punched him in the face. The brother was encouraging his sister to "bitch-slap her" and Marly basically punched him, in self-defense, to distract him. And then THEY cried and my girl apologized. I asked why she didn't walk away but she said it happened too fast and she didn't really realize what was happening and, after all, she has to be able to stand up for herself at some point.

Oh My God.

My child is devastated, mortified and terrified. She has never been hit and has never hit anyone. She is so confused. "How can it feel so good to hit him and me be so sorry at the same time?" And she is terrified of "the older brother coming after her" because that has happened in her school before with other kids and the school goes into lock down and I can't believe this is happening and these are now the conversations that we have in our house. We live in a very peaceful school and home environment and this year, new kids move in and pow! we are on a different planet.

And I said to my husband, how do I talk to these parents (which I am going to do even though I afraid of them) about this unacceptable behaviour when obviously it is OK in their house since their kids didn't bat an eye?

I am overwhelmed by the evil in this world. The uncaring, the disrespect, the meanness, the intent to harm. I want to grab my child and stay in the house. Go nowhere, do nothing, be a total hermit. I know that's the wrong response. But I'm too tired to care about other people anymore.

I'm even too tired to pray.

Being At Home

2007-10-09T11:33:00.000-03:00

I love being at home.

Today is nothing special. Just washing and ironing and straightening up after Thanksgiving dinner. Putting things away and tidying up the house.

I'm trying not to have the TV on as much. I usually do for the company it offers. If I play music, I love it so loud so I can sing and dance, but then I can't hear the phone. So I'm trying to be quiet.

I was putting the big potato pot away in the very back of the cupboard and my sweater got caught in my earring. I could not get it loose! I was desperate. So I went to the neighbor's across the street, praying that she was home and not on her daily walk. She was and freed me and we had a little chat and exchanged apple crisp recipes.

Then I walked home - which is across the street, second house over. A crisp, cool, fall day. Very quiet and still. I was the only person on the street and no one in sight. Everyone is either gone (to work, to school) or tucked up tight inside.

I love being home. Marly is 13 and in grade 8. I don't know how long me being at home will last. My goal is until she graduates from grade 12 (and my personal goal is to stay home forever. It certainly is better for my health).

But I'm loving every minute of while I can :)

Thanksgiving 2007

2007-10-08T21:44:00.000-03:00

Today is Thanksgiving day.

This past summer we went to Plymouth Rock and Plymouth Plantation during our vacation to Cape Cod. I talked to my Aunt a lot about the American Thanksgiving. I know about the pilgrims, the harvest, etc. but it seems to be such a MAJOR holiday, which is a bit funny to me because as soon as it is over, it's full steam ahead for Christmas.

She told me, that in her opinion, many people almost like Thanksgiving more than Christmas because it's all about family being together, eating of course, but not the pressures of gifts, decorations, trees, outdoor lights, etc. It's just a great day.

In Canada, we celebrate Thanksgiving in October. The celebration of the harvest. It's all on it's own, no where near Christmas and a few weeks before Hallowe'en. Sometimes it's almost easy to overlook (for me anyway).

After our summer holiday, I decided that I liked the idea of day together with no commercial pressures. I wanted to go all out for this year's Thanksgiving.

So I hosted a Thanksgiving like I had never done before. It was TOTALLY from scratch. My husband was the chef and cooked an outstanding turkey, stuffing and all the fixin's, including regular and gluten-free gravy - what a treat! I was chief house-cleaner and then dressed my table in it's holiday best. We even sang "The Turkey Song" - a tradition for grace that has been in my family for five generations, originating with my Great-Grandmother in Boothbay Harbour.

And we celebrated with friends - not family. That was new for me.

I love my family. We have celebrated practically every holiday together my entire life - extended family included. We have driven, taken the train and plane, made every effort to be together. It's very important to everyone.

But this year I wanted to host Thanksgiving and I (meaning my husband and I) wanted to "do" it our way. My mother is a bit of a control freak. OK, she's a big control freak. My husband, who does an amazing turkey - his way mind you, has tried to lessen the turkey-roasting burden and as much as she professes to want to, she just can't let go. She hovers, tsk-tsks, "offers" suggestions, etc, etc. In fact, two Easters ago, my sister couldn't even entertain the thoughts of Mom "not doing the turkey", and we had Easter Salmon on the BBQ instead (my Mom doesn't bbq).

So I didn't invite my parents. That was hard - especially because I knew my Dad would have loved it. My husband and my father like "turkey dinner" the same way. In the beginning, I honestly thought my Mom was going to be visiting my sister and her family over the holiday and I knew Dad wouldn't come in on his own, so that was fine. Then I found out that my Mom was going to visit over Hallowe'en and that they were home alone. By then I had invited another family to share our table and I decided to keep it at that. It was hard. My Mom was happy for us, that we were going to be having a fun time in our own home. But I know she would have come. She even asked if it was because of "comments" she had made the last time Frank tried to cook the turkey and I didn't have the heart to say it was a factor. I probably should have told the truth, but I just couldn't do it.

But we had an amazing evening. Frank even made an awesome pumpkin cheesecake for dessert (gluten-free no less and yummy for all). My friends brought chocolate fondue with fruit, a sweet potato casserole and candied carrots. It was truly an evening shared and enjoyed. I felt very thankful. And even though the evening was with friends and not family this year, it felt right.

Happy Thanksgiving - although for many I may seem to be a bit early :)

Viewer Discretion Is Advised

2007-09-30T18:14:00.000-03:00

Why is there so much sex on TV?

I just don't get it.

Now I realize that I am part of the problem since I was watching the TV show that prompted this post. But shows with gratuitous sex and nudity are not part of my regular TV viewing habits. It was a new show to me - I had no idea.

I protest on many levels.

First as a feminist. Why are there tits and ass and runways and everything all over the tube but not a male dicks in sight? I am an equal-opportunist. Why do the men not have to flaunt it but you can't hide from the women?

Is it really that exciting? I mean it is the year 2007 and we have seen EVERYTHING. Must we keep on seeing everything. I could understand that in the 50s and 60s this would be scandalous and titillating and new, but it is 60 years later...this is old hat. Who cares already?!

What really gets me...is this what we, the viewing public, really want? I mean, is that what the big boys in the corporate, leather furniture-filled offices of the network executives really think of us - that is what today's society wants to see...over and over? Do we want to see it? We must - otherwise, why would more and more shows like this be developed?

As I took communion today in church, I watched the people slowly, reverently walking up to the alter...hands poised...ready to receive God himself. Do they watch those TV shows?

I am not a prude. But does it have to be in my face all the time? Can't the writers write a plot that doesn't need so many visual aides? Couldn't there be clever plots, awesome writing and...dare I say it...acting? You know, when they PRETEND something so well that we believe it without having it all laid (no pun intended) out for me. It's getting so you can't even watch some commercials.

We don't have cable - ask my 13 daughter what a tragedy this is - and I really like TV but I can't have that in my house. I can't risk being de-sensitized to that subject matter. I can't have sex, the act of sex, the reasons for sex be reduced to prime-time porn without a thought or serious relationship close by to explain it.

It is so sad to me that we as a society have been reduced to this. I retreat back into my old-fashioned bubble...and read.

A New Dress

2007-09-29T23:32:00.000-03:00

My blog has a new dress. Not a designer one. Just off the rack, like hundreds of others I'm sure. But I did get to pick the size and colour. So that's fun. A bit more me.

Facebook is all the rage. My friends do it. My daughter and husband do it. They even made a page for me. So I surfed around a bit. Did some looking to see who I could find. But you know, even when I did find people, Facebook tells you nothing like blogging does. It's quick and easy. There is no soul. Not like in blogging. In blogging you can actually get to know a person - what they like, what's important to them, what's going on in their day-to-day life...and recipes...and cleaning tips. I think I'll stick to the bloggosphere - I like it there.

Today I made Vietnamese Salad Rolls. I have loved them for years but was intimidated by them. Isn't that stupid...being intimidated by food?? They looked so complicated to make. But then last week I just decided I would make them. I went to the asian grocery store and had a lovely chat with the lady there. She gave me some really good tips. So this afternoon Frank and I got very organized and made them. Just like that. And they were really good. Just "this close" from being as good as in the restaurant. Imagine, I could have been making them and enjoying them all this time instead of wasting my time being afraid of trying something new...wondering if I could do it. Lesson learned! Life is too short! I think this fall I'm going to be a bit more empowered - to "just do it" and stop thinking so much.

20 Bucks

2007-09-16T16:04:00.000-03:00

Once, when I was a kid, our church had a fund-raiser. Now I am sure that there were many fund-raisers, but since I was a child, I was blissfully unaware of them.

But this year was different.

This year, our church gave a $20.00 bill to everyone in our church (who wanted to participate I assume) and challenged them to use their (God-given) talents to multiply it as many times over as they could - sound familiar?

My father took his $20.00 and bought ingredients to make fudge and sold the delicious treat. He was a master fudge maker and made it over and over until one day he lost the touch :( He hasn't made fudge since. However, he multiplied his $20.00 over and over and my sister and I had a wonderful time licking the bowls of his success.

My mother took her $20.00 and pooled it with two of her best girl-friends and wrote a cookbook. Can you imagine?! "The Lunch Box Cookbook - packed by Carolyn, Judith and Cherie". It was a cookbook for moms with recipes for a kid-friendly school lunch: sandwiches, muffins, cookies, cakes, brownies, trail mix, etc, etc. It was a huge success, actually had a few printings and was sold as far as Manitoba and into the United States (relatives of course). My mother, ever the long-term planner, immediately tucked away two copies for her girls when they grew up.

So this afternoon I made chocolate chip/oatmeal cookies from The Lunch Box Cookbook - my all-time favorite cookie recipe. And I put the chocolate chips in last, regardless of what the recipe says, because that's what my mom does. And they are stored in one of her old cookie cans with wax paper to seal because that's what my mom does. And I listened to songs from Carousel and Guys and Dolls just as if I were at home. I had a great time.

This week I'm also pretending I'm Caroline Ingalls since our dryer has decided to take a vacation. While we are waiting for a part, I am drying my clothes on my grandmother's drying rack, the one my mom used for years and she gave it to me when I started out in my first apartment.

Talk about connecting with the women in my family tree!

Sandy

A Decent Tan

2007-09-06T08:31:00.000-03:00

Aside from the memories and the first, decent tan I've had in years (I'm a true red-head), summer vacation is the distant past. We're back at it.

And so far, with great success.

The first day of school went very well. The home-ade, blueberry muffins for breakfast were tasty, the custom-made roast beef sandwich was a hit at lunch, all 500 lbs of school supplies were lugged on the bus and now safely tucked away in the clean-I've-only-had-it-for-one-day-locker, the new clothes met the junior high standards and the new hair-straightener-from-the August-birthday was surprisingly easy to use.

Best of all, the best friend is in the the class and the boy-we-hate-the-most (he's-just-a-huge-pain-in-the-neck) is not. Well done!

I had breakfast with two girlfriends to celebrate/mourn the first day of school (their kids are gone) and we had a lovely catch-up visit. I love going out for breakfast. Nothing fancy, just bacon and eggs. But I think it's one of my most favorite meals.

Went to the first "meeting" of the fall last night. They're starting up Alpha in the fall and asked me to be a small-group leader. I was very keen at first and now not so much. Over the summer I had forgotten about the "politics and red tape" of church. There are no meetings in the summer, just mass. Just God I should say... Anyway, I forgot how frustrated certain conversations leave me and I almost canned the whole thing. Then I decided to keep this commitment, not for what I could offer them, but for what the experience of service could do for me and the Lord, and vowed to think very carefully about future opportunities and to speak softly and slowly (low and slow) and not jump in. My first instinct is to say YES because everything sounds like such a good idea. I need to think first. That doesn't mean I'm less enthusiastic or keen, perhaps it's just a bit more, dare-I-say...mature...approach.

The weather has been fabulous. Sunny and clear and warm. The leaves are just starting to turn. Thank goodness they become so beautiful otherwise there would be nothing good about this change of season.

The bloggers have been very inspiring lately. Getting grips on homelife and all the different challenges. Scrapbooking is my big focus this fall. I have cleaned off and readied my "area" and I have also downloaded the pictures from the summer into various albums. Now I just need to sort and print and I'll be good to go. I'm feeling quite optimistic about the whole thing and I am actually looking forward to it and not dreading the chore/task.

Well, I'm off to my orthodics appointment. Yah - orthodics, not exactly good news for someone who loves shoes. At least I'm having coffee with a friend first.

Sandy

Yard Work

2007-09-02T14:30:00.000-03:00

I love yard work. The mowing, raking, pruning, etc. Now don't get me wrong. Yard work is definitely a "chore" in every sense of the word around here, but I love the way it makes me feel a team with my husband. I love it when we are working together in taking care of our family home, preparing it for the fall and winter months.

I will have a sore back and arms tomorrow, and my ankle and foot will hurt later on today. But my heart and mind are full and satisfied and now I will enjoy the goofing-off part of the afternoon so much more :)

Happy Labour Day Weekend. Hah - we laboured on labour day weekend - that's funny.

Sandy

All Signed Up

2007-09-01T23:28:00.000-03:00

Since I'm still in denial that the summer is ending...I mean, it is August 32nd isn't it?...I am finding it hard to get ready...you know...for life.

But, I'm all signed up. I managed to register for daughter's swimming and synchronized swimming, religious education classes, piano lessons (she's skipping a grade level people!), bought all the necessary materials, informed other moms of times to look out for and already made plans for when she's back at school.

I even ordered glasses for myself so I would look smarter when I led my Alpha group - OK, they needed to be ordered anyway but good timing I thought.

I think I'm ready. Bring it on!

Sandy

One Week Left

2007-08-28T11:09:00.000-03:00

Well, we have one week left of summer vacation.

It's been quite a ride. Every summer seems to be great and I think they can't get any better...but they do.

A few days ago, we got home from visiting relatives in Cape Cod. Now, coming from Canada, Cape Cod seems so exotic...what with the Kennedy Compound and all. We had an awesome time and the Cape was nothing like I was expecting. First of all, it was much bigger than I thought. There were a lot more towns and commercialism than I thought. And there were many more people than I thought, loads in fact. We went to Chatham, Eastham, Provincetown and Sandwich. I loved it all. My husband has ancestors from the Mayflower and era, and we found two 1600s cemeteries with his relatives in them. The next day we went to Plymouth Rock, The Mayflower and Plymouth Plantation (where we found more "living" relatives). It was great. And we were visiting my real-life family in Mattepoisett, Mass. at their summer home which I had heard about for years, and now finally had a chance to visit. They have kayaks, a dingy and cruiser-type boat, so we had a lot of fun.

We hit Target in Bangor on the way home and found the greatest sales ever on kids' jeans, etc. - I can see why Target is so addictive. We also went to LL Bean and Harry & David's in Freeport.

We took my Mom with me as she always complains that she never gets to go anywhere. As we talked the 14 hours to Mass. I realized that she has been to lots of places - on this continent and others - and there is no need for me to feel sorry for her and that she just has a selective memory (or as I like to call it: Creative Memory Recall, CMR).

Now we have one week left. One week to squeeze out fun in the sun. At the same time I am trying to get ready for school and the fall routines without feeling like everything is over.

My husband is in his third and final week of vacation. I am so pleased for him, he seems to be having a great break from work. Time for family and time for on his own. Time to be productive around the house and time to goof off. We've even had dinner and pool time with a friend of mine and her husband. I have been loving that. My husband is a homebody and we don't do couple things too often. He goes back to work after Labour Day.

I am very grateful for this summer and the free time I have had. My health seems to be quite good - although I don't want to jinx it. I haven't gained the "Summer Seven" (the traditional summer weight gain). My husband and daughter have had a good time. My daughter turned 13 and I didn't have too bad of a meltdown :) She even saved up half the cost of an Ipod, which she REALLY wanted for her birthday, and we were very pleased with her efforts. She's such a good kid. I really have to relax and relinquish some control this fall. She's definitely earned it. How to stay close emotionally/spiritually and let go physically - that is the question.

I have decided to not shop this fall until Christmas - except for if I find a bathing suit on end-of-season sale and a pair of waistband-free jeans that I saw in the Land's End catalogue. Even books - that's what libraries are for, right?

I was asked again to be a Team Leader for the Alpha program this year and this time I said yes. I can't believe I did. Thank goodness my womens' morning group will be studying prayer this fall as I will need to be much more disciplined as I beg for help from our Lord :)

I am pledging to be a better housekeeper and cook this fall, to complete my scrapbooking projects, be more thrifty/frugal, and to keep the basement from looking like a bomb has set off. I think generally to make the most of my few years left at home as I am sure that as soon as Marly graduates from high school I will be expected to go back out to the real world. Sigh - I like it at home. It's more peaceful and safe-feeling and much less stressful - which is very good for my physical and mental and emotional health.

However, summer has been good to me and my family. And I am ready to embrace the fall with a smile and enthusiasm.

Peace out!

Sandy

I'm home...again.

2007-08-05T18:46:00.001-03:00

It's August and I'm almost done. The frantic, on-the-go part of summer vacation. I think I have been gone on and off all of July - without husband for all of it and without child some of the time.

Marly's band camp, PEI with my mom, sister and all the kids, Freeport shopping with my sister, the 65th birthday weekend with my sister for my mom, surprise 40th birthday party for my best friend, and just being at my parent's house...not necessarily in that order. Made it to church twice and met the new priest AND I think I'm going to like him AND I think we will get along :) The Pastoral Associate/Assistant - the jury's still out on that.

Tomorrow I am hosting a small girls' get-together here with friends I haven't seen forever and although I am beat, I am really looking forward to it. Except the grocery shopping that needs to be done pronto!

And then I am home. Oh, there are dentist and doctor appts, and a couple more extended- family visits and hopefully a short, long-weekend-type family get-away, but I should be sleeping in my own bed on a full-time basis and seeing my husband and child quite regularly. And the eagerly awaited school supply shopping trip is in the very near future - school we can wait for, but new school supplies are exciting!

And of course, my girl's 13th birthday! Sigh - where did that come from???

Speaking of my husband, a big shout-out to my techno-geek. He has been on his own for most of the month and this past weekend has done all the parenting and also mowed the lawn and cleaned the house for my girlfriends. What a guy! I'm starting to feel quite guilty and a bit spoiled. I think he likes the quiet of being on his own for a bit, but I think he misses the chaos in life I tend to bring :)

I am looking forward to August being a bit slower, and more restful. I don't want summer to be over before I know it, so I'm glad of the time to enjoy it more peacefully.

I really am very fortunate. The summer is the time I can really visit with my sister and niece and nephew and really re-connect with them and my husband is so great in giving me the time to do that, even if it means leaving him on his own as I bounce around and drag my girl with me. We definitely make the most of summer vacation and I generally feel quite satisfied at the end of it, when we are staring school in the face, that we have embraced our summer months with all the vim and vigour I can muster.

Here's to one more month!!

Sandy

Before I Wake

2007-07-23T08:21:00.000-03:00

I am a voracious reader. It borderlines on obsessive and at times can be downright inconvenient. I'm the type of person who will put off practically anything to read a good book.

I grew up surrounded by books and people reading books - old, new, used, borrowed, from the library, school, Oprah's Book Club, it doesn't matter the source. My entire family reads and shares. My closest friends read and share.

I'm a very fast reader. I need at least 300-400 pages or I get frustrated because the story doesn't last long enough. I'm a very good reader, from a very early age. But I love books. I love paper. The feel of the pages, soft and cool, words ready to engage you and make you forget about everything else.

I'm pretty flexible about the topic. I just like a good read. I'm not that good with non-fiction. I lose patience and tend to skim or flip or use as a resource. I did read every word of Love and Respect and I'm proud of myself for that. I do like those detective-type stories and generational stories about families. I think Harry Potter is amazing. The mind of that woman, the imagination, the attention to detail, to carry us through and hold our attention, craving more for seven books...I was crushed for days when James Frey admitted to "not telling the truth" in A Million Little Pieces - I felt personally offended. I laughed my head off reading The Devil Wears Prada and wanted to move to Mitford when I read that series. I seem to get attached to the people in the books, they seem so real to me.

I'm not good at author's names which is a shame. I have loved so many of them but can't remember them to give them credit. I have loved Maeve Binchy and ALL of her books (I can't ready her short ones, they end too soon and that makes me sad). She leaves me wanting more of her characters. I am loving Jodi Picoult and her books. Such good stories. The Shell Seekers, whoever wrote that. The Glass Castle - true memoirs and an unbelieveable tale of growing up. I could go on forever.

Yesterday I finished Before I Wake by Robert J. Wiersema. What a book. You know when you cry at the end it is GOOD. The story about a toddler who is the victim of a hit and run, survives but is comatose. She seems to have healing powers for those around her. It is the story of her and her parents, those around her and the investigation into her gifts. I am so surprised it is written by a man. It just felt like the author was a woman. A Canadian author (yah), written up in the Globe and Mail on their Best Book List.

If you are ready to start a new book or are compiling a list of books to read, give this a try. Reading is so personal, but I liked this one enough to dare to recommend :)

Sandy

We're Back

2007-07-21T00:30:00.000-03:00

Well, summer vacation has started with a bang!

My daughter and I have just returned home after being away for three weeks. We had visiting and surprise birthday-partying to do, she had a week of band camp (bass clarinet) and then we went to Prince Edward Island for four days with my mom, sister, niece and nephew.

We had so much fun on the island. Took the kids to see Anne of Green Gables (the musical), which is always heart-wrenching and awesome. Did the antique photo picture. Visited Avonlea Village (where "Anne grew up"), hit Cow's Ice-Cream four days straight and of course, went to a lobster supper and ate ourselves silly. PEI is such a treasure in our own back yard.

So now I'm up late reading the blogs because I'm so tired I can't sleep. Everyone seems to be having a nice summer so far. There are good vibes coming from the bloggysphere.

I'm off to Maine in four days for a quick shopping trip with my sister (she'll shop and I'll watch) with no kids or husbands. Just us. I don't think we've ever done that before. I'm sure we will be fine. We have quite a volatile history behind us but we have worked hard on "us" for several years, so I'm sure we'll have a ball. My nephew is going to the National Scouting Jamboree for a week back home in Quebec and will be gone for a total of two weeks. That will be hard for mother and son (age 12), so I hope our getaway will be a distraction for her since I know he'll be distracted with tents and hiking and the like.

Then the summer weeks should quiet down and not rush by so fast. Frank has his vacation the last three weeks of August, into Labour Day weekend. He never wants to do much, he just enjoys not going into work. The three of us may poke around somewhere for a few days, or maybe just day trips from home.

I've been missing my friends at home and I hope to catch up with them soon. I know one of my friends has been off work for a week after she was bitten by a dog! Can you imagine! Scary! That's a scoop I need to get.

My husband keeps wanted me to do Face-Book, but I think I'm going to remain loyal to bloggyville - any thoughts on Facebook?

The weather here has been pretty crappy - rainy and cloudy. I hope August brings more sunshine! El Nino is wreaking havoc on our summers although global-warming is great on our winters so I guess it's all a trade-off. Too wet to mow, so I'll take the breaks when given.

Sandy

Update

2007-07-02T15:37:00.000-03:00

First of all - Happy 140th Canada Day, July 1, 2007

Just as a brief update to my Harsh Words post.

How interesting my response has been. I wrote about it and three people commented with very consistent thoughts and opinions. I also sent my post as an email to a friend that I often turn to for advice. She is a very thoughtful and prayerful person, so I tend to listen to her a lot. Her response was very much the same as the others.

I love consistency. Especially with regard to the Word of God and how to be a Christian. Sometimes (well, most times) I just want a straight answer. Depending on the people, if all arrows point in the same direction, than that usually means that's the way to go.

Generally, out of love, I have a duty to my friend to share my concerns. That the experiences of my past may help others as well as myself.

I think I knew this. But I think I needed a nudge.

Then GUESS WHAT happened? My friend started coming to these realizations on her own, out of the blue. I couldn't believe it. She was sharing and I was confirming, that yes, these were valid concerns worth exploring. Man! Not everything, but enough to get started. I'm hoping there will be more conversations this summer that I may be able to "point out or mention" and she won't shoot the messenger.

Guess God had His own agenda (imagine that) and although He and I were on the same wave-length, I needed to wait for His time-line :)

Sandy

It started out a good idea...

2007-06-30T16:26:00.000-03:00

So for the last few days, Sarah over at In the Midst Of It has been posting about the everyday life and how happy and content it makes her. I love it when people are content. That's my number one personal goal for my own life. So I took that as a sign to do a quick re-evaluate about my own life. It came out pretty good. The summer weather has finally kicked in. My husband was doing some necessary yard work and it was breezy for him. My daughter has very happily and very successfully finished grade 7. My sister and family were home for most of the summer. My health lately has been good. I just had a doctor appt (** this will become a significant note to my day) and we were working on a plan. I got through my priest leaving and I am ready for the changes. All pretty good. So in the spirit of contentment and happiness and wanting to participate in my own life and in my married life, I decided to mow the lawn, so I could contribute to the home maintenance plan.

In the spring we bought a push-mower. Very environmental. I can't push the gas mower and our yard is very manageable so I wanted to try it for the summer. The thought being I would do the yard a few times and then Frank would give everything a good going over, then me, then him. You get the point. I must say I'm getting pretty good at it. I had a lot of new songs I just put on my Ipod, it was breezy and not too hot, so no problem. A good hour of exercise.

When I was done, I was sitting on the front step with my water and started looking at the neighbor's yard. They have been gone all week and I don't know when they will be back. They are very nice - they have a snow blower and sometimes do our driveway for us. So I thought, wouldn't it be nice for them to come home to a mowed lawn. We saw the movie "Evan Almighty" which I loved and one of the themes was doing random acts of kindness. So, I thought. I can do it. I can work this machine. I'm not too tired, etc, etc. Frank was still busy painting the oil tank and it was turning out to be a much bigger job than expected, so he wasn't going to be free anytime soon, so why not.

Off I go. Let me tell you, their grass is MUCH LONGER and MUCH THICKER than ours. Remember that I have a small push mower. And their yard is BIGGER, although it didn't look that way at the time. But I can do this, right? It's a random act of kindness. OH MY WORD! It was awful!! I didn't think I would make it - SERIOUSLY! I stopped twice to go over to Frank to beg that he finish the lawn, but everytime I went over he was way too involved with his project that I couldn't even ask. So I would rest and then try and start again. I almost passed out twice. I kept praying on and on for help. I couldn't leave the lawn not completely finished. Two people were out doing their yards and I wanted to ask them for help, but I just couldn't. On and on I tried to mow. And I got about 90% finished. The I couldn't take it anymore. Another guy across the street was mowing. He had a small yard and was almost done. I didn't know him, but at that point, I didn't care. Maybe God kept trying to send me help, these other mowers and I was trying to do it all myself. So when he was done, I sucked up and swallowed my pride and foolishness and I went over and explained to him I was trying to mow my neighbor's yard as a surprise but it was just too much for my push mower and would he please finish the small part left. It was hot by now and he was sweaty himself. He said, no problem. He knew who I was and that he would take care of it. I was SO grateful. Lickity-split for him with the gas mower. Although I was a bit panicked that my neighbor would pick that minute to return and wonder why a stranger was mowing his lawn. Finally it was done.

Random act of kindness taken care of - end of story...right? Wrong.

I went inside and directly got in the shower. I was feeling so funny. When I asked the man to mow the lawn, my throat was feeling like it was closing over and my chest hurt and I was having trouble breathing and talking. I thought I just needed some water and a cool shower. Did that, although I had a terrible time washing my hair because I could hardly lift my arms up. I thought it was just the mowing that were making my arms weak. I got out and was feeling SO WEIRD.

I took my blood pressure. Remember that doctor's appt - well, I have high blood pressure and I recently went on fluid pills to try and help the blood pressure meds. At my appt on Wed she upped the dosage of the fluid pills. She told me to that I would have to have my electrolytes checked in a few weeks to make sure everything was in line. My blood pressure was SO LOW. I couldn't believe it. But my ears weren't ringing, so I went to the computer (wouldn't you?) to try and find symptoms and treatment of low blood pressure. I couldn't even read. Frank came in as I was trying to make it to the couch. I laid down and we took my pressure over a short period of time. It went down. So he went on the computer and did some checking, including my new fluid pills. Guess what - fluid pills, unusually heavy exercise (3 hours of hard mowing in the sun) and dehydration cause very low blood pressure. SIGH! So I have spent the afternoon on the couch watching Seinfield re-runs and drinking Gatorade and slowly the pressure is coming up. I think I'm OK. I'll keep checking and drinking and hopefully avoid emerg. tonight.

The worst part is that I won't make it to church tonight to help welcome the new priest. I really wanted to be there because so many people are making this change difficult and I really wanted to help with the welcome. I don't want him to think I'm one of the negative cranky-pants people.

Moral of the story - don't usually over-exercise, in the sun with no water with a new dose of fluid pill. The jury is still out on random acts of kindness :) (Just teasing).

Sandy

Harsh Words

2007-06-17T10:33:00.000-03:00

Harsh words spoken in love are still harsh words.

What kind of duty or responsibility does a friend have toward another?

I have been best friends with A. for over 25 years. We have had amazing times and gone through difficult ones. We have become a part of each others family, and extended family. Our history together has become inter-twined with our own individual histories. We are each others sister, supporter, cheering section, Barnabus and each others "person" (ref: Gray's Anatomy).

So when your best friend is going through the (probably) most difficult time in her life, I know that I must love, not judge and support unconditionally, but do I mention the "other point of view" and bring up things that may not want to be looked at.

My friend wants to leave her husband. Her marriage is not what she wants for a marriage. They have a son. She will probably leave him too. The marriage is not abusive or horrible, it's just not what she wants. She feels the husband is not trying how she wants him to try. He is not being married "her way" and she doesn't accept "his efforts". Somehow she doesn't see them as valid. She has stopped trying, on purpose. She is waiting "for the right time". I think she is planning her "exit strategy".

Divorce doesn't get rid of the problems. It just trades in the old ones for new ones. They will be forever connected as parents of their son. The husband will not be out of her life. He will still have a presence, especially if the son lives with him.

They say in today's society we have unrealistic expectations of love and marriage and family and how to be with and treat each other. That through movies, books and movies, etc. we see only romance and flowers and if that isn't there or has gone missing, it is time to move on. That no one portrays the sacramental marriage. But if you ask any couple married over 50 years what the secret is, they always say things like "tolerance" and "patience" - never gooey love references.

My friend is a self-confessed control freak. The men in her life respond in one of two ways. They pay lip-service to her control and lie and cheat and she is unhappy. Or, they give in to her control and let her do it her way, because she insists on it, and she is unhappy. This is a pattern of many years. It will only change if she changes. She is the constant variable. She doesn't want to change.

If she is not going to change, why wreck the boy's life? Not that divorce automatically wrecks a child's life. It's just that for a successful divorce, you need two flexible, non control-freak people to co-parent and in this situation, that is doubtful. If the only thing that changes are the players in the game, but the game itself is the same, is the change worth it?

So, do I say that? Is it part of my responsibility as a good friend, wanting the best for her and her son, to mention this as food for thought? Or do I say nothing and keep my opinions to myself? Will she say years later, that I should have said something? Even though we are friends, is it really any of my business?

Is saying something being judgmental? Must support be silent?

How can I be friends with a mother who leaves her child? How can I love her and not judge that? I don't know if I have the ability to separate that.

I, more than anyone, know that marriage is hard. That divorce is hard. That starting over is hard, because of all the baggage that never leaves your side. I know this. Do I have a duty to share this information or do I just let her figure it out for herself? Would my choices have been different if someone had really told me? Would I have listened?

I feel like I am swimming around and against a whirlpool.

What should I do?

I pray about it all the time...

Love On Another...

Do Unto Others...

Harsh words spoken in love are still harsh words.

Sandy

June 17, 2007, 2nd reading

2007-06-17T08:57:00.000-03:00

Reading II
Gal 2:16, 19-21

Brothers and sisters:
We who know that a person is not justified by works of the law
but through faith in Jesus Christ,
even we have believed in Christ Jesus
that we may be justified by faith in Christ
and not by works of the law,
because by works of the law no one will be justified.
For through the law I died to the law,
that I might live for God.
I have been crucified with Christ;
yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me;
insofar as I now live in the flesh,
I live by faith in the Son of God
who has loved me and given himself up for me.
I do not nullify the grace of God;
for if justification comes through the law,
then Christ died for nothing.

This Sunday's mass, 2nd reading

2007-06-02T18:58:00.000-03:00

Romans 5: 1 - 5
1	Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
2	Through him we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God.
3	More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
4	and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
5	and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.

Another Paula Deen Convert

2007-06-01T08:41:00.001-03:00

So, in my efforts to embrace all things southern, I bought a copy of Paula Deen's Quick and Easy Meals magazine and I have poured through it over and over (as has my daughter).

And last night I made my first recipe, a chicken and pasta dish. I think it goes without saying that it was delicious but HOLY SMOKES PAULA DEENERS, ARE YOUR ARTERIES STILL OPEN???

Now I realize that the southern diet is quite different from my northern one...but I'm only in Canada and on the East Coast - that just means more seafood. I have never cooked a recipe that has lots of butter, bacon and heavy cream in it all at the same time. I mean who fries their bacon in butter? And the heavy cream that I could find wasn't as heavy as what she was calling for. Even my husband, who was drooling, wondered what that was and how much was I going to put in.

Since I could hear my arteries clogging over, I had to make a few alterations to the recipe. I just couldn't not. Or else I thought I'd have a heart attack right at the table. Even with my changes, the meal was SOOOOO good and very impressive and easy. I even thought I could make it for company it was so good (and I'm quite shy about entertaining) but since my Red Cross First Aid has expired I wondered if I should dare :).

However, awesome leftovers for lunch. There are many more recipes I'm going to try and I just have to make sure I schedule in a walk after supper.

She's my new hero!

Sandy

Heaven

2007-05-27T00:07:00.000-03:00

Do you ever think about heaven?

I was thinking about it the other night.

I had always imagined Heaven as a glorious, English garden on a spectacularly sunny, summer day and everyone is wearing white, like in the 1920s. Everyone is there and there is music and in the centre of the garden is Jesus and God on park benches patiently answering all our questions. Sort of like an outdoor garden party/picnic and I'm on the blanket at the foot of God, finally starting to figure it all out.

Then I started thinking about when people die and we say they are in heaven looking down on us. But if I was in heaven looking down on the people I left behind, wouldn't I feel sad because I knew all the answers and they would still be struggling and that would be hard for me to watch? So I would be sad. But you can't be sad because it's heaven.

Then I thought of how it was just God in heaven alone before anything. Before the universe was created, the planets and stars and eventually earth and the Seven Days. Now I think God was alone in heaven because there wasn't anyone else to be there and when there were people, they couldn't go because Jesus hadn't died yet.

But, it was still heaven.

God is in heaven. God is of heaven. God is heaven.

Being with God is heaven. That's it. That's all.

I may still be able to see everyone at the garden party and I may be able to look down on those still living, but I guess those things are only perks.

Some kind of super-natural, connecting at a higher level, non-earthly existence.

I was just thinking about it.

Sandy

Finally, the heat has arrived!

2007-05-26T20:21:00.000-03:00

Finally some heat!! Some real, honest-to-goodness heat. I'm mean hot. Yes Sir, it was hot today in my backyard.

We had about 8 days of cool, rainy, drizzly, cloudy, enough-already weather. On the upside, the grass sure is green!

But today. Positively hot and sweaty. And of course this afternoon is the time I decided to try out the new lawnmower for the first time. My face got so red it looked like my head was going to pop off my neck.

I went to a Magnificat Breakfast this morning. It was my first time. These breakfasts are held twice a year with the theme being a special devotion to Mary, the mother of our Lord.

Very interesting. As much as I love and honour Mary, I'm not one who has a special connection to her. That's fine. I'd heard about the breakfasts for a long time and I really wanted to "go and see". At these things I have to make myself not get so over-sensitive over the little things. You know, when someone says something that rubs you the wrong way (mostly because of where you are in your own life). I tend to "show them" and shut down and not listen when I get annoyed or frustrated, but I soldiered on and it really was a lovely morning. We sang, prayed and a lady witnessed to us with her conversion story. It is so interesting and inspiring hearing the journeys of others.

One lady there had 10 kids and 30 grandkids, and expecting the 31st in the fall. And that mom-to-be was there and that 31st grandbaby was going to be that mom's seventh child. HOLY SMOKE! And she looked like she was 15. Honestly, tiny and very happy with her basketball bump in her tummy. Amazing!

Well, I'm off to a movie in air-conditioning comfort. With a friend who's highly stressed because she thinks she wants to leave her husband :( I hope the movie's good.

Sandy

Those Southern United States

2007-05-22T13:17:00.000-03:00

Being from the north and all (Canada), I have always been fascinated by those southern United States.

I have been to Florida twice and the airport in Georgia (on the way to Florida), but since both vacations centered around Disney World and all forms of Mickey Mouse, I feel I haven't really been "to the south".

I love Steel Magnolias - I have seen the movie over and over and actually just bought the DVD. I loved Designing Women! I wanted to BE a Shugarbaker (sp?). I used think Savannah was my dream vacation location. But now my itinerary has grown and grown.

And the food - all things I know NOTHING about: collard greens, catfish, grits (I mean really, what is a grit and you eat it??). Mint Julips, magnolia trees, sweet tea - WHAT IS SWEET TEA!

The accent - the drawl, how I love it.

And BooMama. I need to go to the place where the things she writes about are true. The comments people make are amazing and I need to be there for myself, to see it and taste it and live it.

Now I know there is no place like home. And I'm a Maritimer through and through. But before I die, I need to get to those southern United States!

Y'all :)

Sandy

Busy Doing Nothing

2007-05-15T17:00:00.000-03:00

You know when you have those weeks when you've been busy, but when someone asks you what you've been doing, you say "nothin'". It's been like that around here.

The main culprit seems to be the viral lung infection my daughter is living with.

She has this cough. You know, the "hack-up-a-lung, the make-yourself-vomit-in-school cough". Very uncool for the seventh grade :( So, she had it for seven days. And let me say, never in her entire life, has she ever had a real cough.

So finally after a week I thought I should take her to the doc for the "check-up", assuming it was the never-ending cold going around school since grade primary and all would be well.

Wrong. First she was wheezing so hard the doc couldn't even listen to her lungs. So they put her on a mask for 10 minutes and re-checked. Then they sent us to emergency to get a chest x-ray because they suspected pneumonia (which I have since learned my daughter has been exposed to) or whooping cough (with out local outbreak of the mumps, immunizations are in question). In the end, no sign of pneumonia so far and seems to be a viral lung infection (no antibiotics) that will have to work itself out. We have now joined the ranks of thousands and had to get the "puffer". She has a follow-up appt in two weeks and hopefully all will be well. So she is sleeping MUCH better and her head, chest and throat are MUCH less sore.

So that's what I've been doing.

And, oh yeah, 2 weeks ago she went on her 4-day class class trip and we totally re-did her bedroom as a surprise. Very purple!

And then yesterday, we learned that out priest has been assigned a new parish and will be leaving the end of June. Even though we knew it was coming, it is VERY SAD. So I made an appt with him today and we just chatted like old times for about 45 minutes. Now I feel like I've had my time with him and it will help me not feel so bad (I hope) when he leaves. I told him I was going to write him a letter to "say good-bye" because if I did it in person, it wouldn't be fun for anyone - what with all the sobbing and clinging and what-have-you. We know who the new priest will be. He seems nice. I even went to him for confession at Easter and he was great. Very helpful and personable, so I have high hopes - although the negativity is already out there from people who "know him from before..." Why can't people be positive and assume the best until proved wrong?

Oh, and did I mention that it was Mother's Day, the day we spent in emergency. It was a beautiful day though - I could see it from the hospital window :)

Life marching on...

Sandy

Random Seven Meme

2007-05-06T20:26:00.000-03:00

I've been tagged Bev to do a Random 7 meme...hmmm, 7 random facts/habits:

1. I still check on my daughter every night before I go to bed - to make sure she's still breathing :). And yes, she will be 13 this August. But I'm sure if I went to bed without checking, I'd get up, so I may as well do it anyway.

2. I think I'm really addicted to sugar. I came by it honestly, but it's reached a whole new level - complete with withdrawal symptoms when I try to cut back. And I like the cheap, little-kids penny candy and only milk chocolate, none of that dark stuff.

3. I am honestly surprised how much I am still growing (and although "wider" counts, I was thinking more along the lines of "maturing"). I really thought that by 40 I'd have it all figured out and I'd would just "live-out" the rest of my years. However, now that I've made this discovery, the pressure is off to know what I am doing and I feel a great sense of freedom.

4. I am a LONG TERM PLANNER. My family long-term plans and I had a job for 7 years that was planning 3-24 months in advance at all times. So I have to work really hard to live in the present and enjoy it without knowing what's going on in the next few months.

5. Surprising to all, especially me, I'm becoming a decent cook. I have a love/hate relationship with food (I have IBS and Celiac Disease) and I can't smell, which affects the whole tasting/aroma thing. But thanks to bloggers and the inter-web I must say sometimes I even surprise myself :)

6. I am a speed-reading readaholic. It's my favorite thing ever. Books need to be at least 300 - 400 pages or they probably won't get read. I need at least 2-3 waiting at all times or I get antsy. I mostly read fiction, it's my escape. If I could be anything when I grow up, it would be a best-selling author. Some people are amazing story-tellers!

7. I love to sleep in - I mean seriously sleep-in. When I was a teenager my goal was to sleep in longer than my Dad (he only had one day a week to sleep-in). So I can stay in my bed, dozing off and on, sleeping or just lying there for hours. But I don't get to do that too often. And I am always amazed at how much can get done when you get up early on the weekends - not enough to get me up, but enough to keep me occasionally amazed :)

I'll tag seven people who's blogs I read: Sarah at In The Midst Of It, Carolyn at A Prairie View, Everyday Mommy, Rocking Chairs and Rainbows, A Chelsea Morning, Rocks in my Dryer and Welcome to Granny's House.

Sandy

PS Don't forgot to keep praying for Heather and Kelli

For Heather

2007-05-03T08:59:00.000-03:00

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today we lift up your daughter Heather to you. Keep her safe and not afraid. Comfort her family as they wait. Guide the doctors and nurses. Have all the machinery working properly. Let there be a feeling of recovery and optimism surrounding her. She has taught us to praise You through all, to see everything as Your gift and to not be frightened as You are always with us.

Give peace especially to her children. They are young. They want her and need her. Send them others to comfort and reassure them until their mother and father and grandparents return to them.

We give thanks always for You, our creator, the one who loves us more than we can comprehend.

Dearest Heather. I pray that You do not leave her side, not even for a second.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen

ps: Kelli - I couldn't commit to a time, I knew I'd be praying all day long :)

Melissa

2007-04-30T09:01:00.000-03:00

Kelli will be having a prayer chain for Heather's upcoming surgery and recovery.

Heather's story is remarkable. Faced with so many challenges, she remains steadfast and firm in her faith, despite her fears and vunerability.

I follow Heather's story very closely. I don't know her personally and she lives a country away but her situation is very similar to one I have just gone through.

I had a friend Melissa. She had three children like Heather. Two girls and a boy, like Heather. Her youngest has autism, like Heather's. She was diagnosed with in-operable, terminal brain cancer, like Heather.

Melissa lived years past her diagnosis and was an inspiration to many. She didn't start her journey with a faith like Heather's, but was very open to and grateful for prayer and God, and in the end, regularly met with a minister.

She spent her last year in the hospital and the nurses and everyone loved her. She stayed positive to the end.

Last week I attended her funeral. It was very sad. But she left such a legacy. I could see it on the faces of people.

These things happen. I am coming to terms with that. As I follow Heather's story I remember Melissa's. Heather helps me remember Melissa's spirit and positivity and fight and resoluteness - to the end.

Melissa always said that she was glad it was happening to her - she didn't want it to happen to any of her family and friends. It was like she took on that burden for us. I could never understand that - how could she be so strong and willing and accepting? So selfless?

I think about Heather and her family and friends a lot. I pray that through their suffering, they are united with Christ and receive God's graces in such a special way.

Please take part in the prayer chain for Heather.

Sandy

Peace and Contentment

2007-04-27T11:29:00.000-03:00

This past weekend I attended the 1st Annual Catholic Womens' Weekend of Grace (Atlantic provinces).

It was amazing. 300 women in one or two rooms. We had an awesome keynote speaker who spoke four times and other ladies sharing as well, there was Praise and Worship, Adoration, Mass, Healing/Reconciliation, the Rosary, Gifts of the Spirit Discernment workshop, and just time - time together, time with the Lord, just time to stop and be.

As I write this I realize that I will never really be able to articulately capture what happened on paper since it is a jumble of feelings and experiences and sentences will be thoroughly lacking.

It was a first in our area. A scary, unpredictable first. The response was inspiring. All these Catholic women praising, and singing and sharing and loving (even some speaking in tongues - no small event in a traditional Catholic setting), young to old, each in a different spot in their journeys. No men can make a difference and I mean that in the most respectful and loving way. The priests were their for mass and reconciliation but they were well aware they were on "our" turf.

My sister came. She hasn't been in a church environment for four years and has a couple of difficult years ahead of her and she needed "her tank filled". She's not Catholic. So it wasn't "the same" for her and intense for me (trying to answer all the "whys" and "how comes"). However the speakers were marvelous as well as the gifts workshop, so she got filled. How could you not with the Holy Spirit everywhere? I know now that I was distracted by my sister, more than I thought I would be, so worried about how she would take everything. I wasn't looking for acceptance, just no judgement. That ended up so-so. But I was there with very good friends and loved the speakers and I just loved being a part of it. Lessons learned. A couple of "A HA" moments.

Women "know", you know. Women have been through it. Whatever "it" may be, someone can relate. Christian women are in a league all their own. I love that.

We are daughters of God. He is the King and we are His princesses. We are so special to him as women and he loves that we are women. He wants us to be women. He made us different from men on purpose, for His purpose(s). Very freeing.

The speaker spoke a lot about obedience. To be obedient. To not justify or figure out or plan or organize. To do. We are not responsible for the results - that is God's job. We are obey Him and what He wants of us. He will take care of the rest. How freeing.

That He is to be our first thought, first priority. If we do that, the rest will fall into place. How freeing.

Like Heather - she is keeping Him and His will so uppermost in her mind and heart, and she is rolling along, having options revealed, support provided and being comforted and strengthened in her journey. She is not stopping. She is moving forward, following Him, even in all this stress.

My friend Ann was just here, sharing what she got out of the weekend. Lives will be changed. Thought processes, priorities, personal goals will be shifted.

"Wherever two or more are gathered in my name..."

A privilege for me. A lesson, a time of hope and renewal, peace.

How I long for peace and contentment. It doesn't seem like such a foreign concept anymore. The actuality of peace and contentment is becoming less fuzzy and less vague. Seemingly more attainable. Not a day-dream or fantasy. But a reality that I could concieveably live in.

Now that's a nice thought.

Sandy

Dear Heavenly Father

2007-04-20T09:16:00.000-03:00

Dear Heavenly Father, My King, the Creator of all,

Thank you.

Thank you for Heather, BooMama and all the internets who have come together to forge a Christian sisterhood. A network of women to care for each other, pray for each other and support each other. For providing opportunities to unite our suffering with Yours. To help us help carry the burdens of others. To provide ministering to those in need. A chance to see the face of Jesus Christ in one of our own, right next to us or over the bloggy airwaves.

Thank you for the sun shining bright in the sky, warming the air in my face. I have longed for springtime all week. It has been long, cold, windy, rainy wait. But as usual, in your time and your wisdom, you have brought out the sun the day my sister is coming and that will make her happy.

Thank you that my sister is coming for the Weekend of Grace retreat. Thank you for telling Doug, her husband, that she needed to come and making it possible. Please bless her with graces and mercies and focus. I worried she may become distracted in a room full of (awesome) Catholic women. Please don't let the Catholicism overshadow the Christianity and the opportunity to spend some real, uninterrupted quality time with you. Please put women in her path who will encourage her, befriend her and love her.

Please be with our husbands and children as they survive the weekend without us. I ask for patience and enthusiasm for the husbands and cooperation and patience for the children. Bless their time together to know they are a family on their own.

Be with my Marly. It was a hard night last night.

Be with Virginia Tech. Please bless them with your peace. I am worried about the soul of that young man. His eternity may be a very long time.

Please bless all the internets. These amazing women and families who are living the lives you gave them. With their own struggles, victories, choices to make. How I long to touch all of them. To see their faces. They are all now a part of my personal framework and terms of reference. You have taught me so much through them. Most of all, that the world is a small place. That "geography" is just a word. That we can have relationships with people far away. That we can love them as you love us. That we can spread your love and your word. That we can witness, minister, support and laugh with people we may never meet. And it's just like they are in our own backyards.

Please keep everyone that I know and love, safe and sound. And grant them Your peace.

I love you.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.

Good News

2007-04-19T07:23:00.000-03:00

Good news is getting two bills in the mail, checking on them on the computer and finding out you've already paid them.

That's Good News :)

Sandy

So I Think I May Quit

2007-04-18T21:21:00.000-03:00

So, I've been thinking about leaving bloggetyville. No great loss since the blog is only for me.

I don't like feeling helpless. In my own life I often feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do. Friends and family are in trouble, in need of help. Lives are out of control. Life can be hard. It's hard watching those you love having a hard time. Watching the local news is hard. I decided long ago to be informed but not inundated with world events. I watch the evening news and listen to the radio in the car but I do not read the paper and we do not have the 24 hours news channels. I find I get very caught up in the whole thing. We were in Maine when Hurricane Katrina arrived and I became obsessed with Anderson Cooper.

It's very stressful. And my IBS does not like stress.

Then Heather announced her diagnosis. I couldn't believe it. Why her? Worse, I already have a friend here at home diagnosed with brain cancer who has 2 girls and a boy and the youngest child is autistic. I could not believe it was happening again.

And Sarah with Addison.

And so on.

It's so hard.

I can't escape my own life but the people in bloggetyville I have consciously invited into my life and I have learned from them and laughed with them...I never thought I'd get attached and cry for them at night.

It was supposed to be a fun hobby.

Then Virginia Tech.

I can cry at the drop of a hat. I rant in my kitchen "Where is the gun control?" "What about that boy's soul?"

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?????"

Then I read the posts of Heather and Sarah and I feel bad and stupid because I am so inspired by what they write and how they live. Their perseverance and senses of humor and life lessons and faith lessons.

If they can get through these struggles (and the struggles are happening to them afterall), who am I to get so depressed and down and frustrated? It is their lives that are affected. I don't even know them. It's almost insulting for me to take it personally and, at the very least, it isn't helpful or useful at all. It is so lame of me that I learn from them. Don't they have enough to do without ministering to me as well? How selfish can I be?

So I pray and wish and hope and pray and donate and wish and hope and pray.

That's all I can do :(

Sandy

Loving On Heather

2007-04-18T18:25:00.001-03:00

Today is the day to love on Heather and her family. Click on the button to read her story.

God Is Alive!

2007-04-07T22:42:00.000-03:00

Alleluia!

Ukrainian Easter Eggs

2007-04-03T12:25:00.000-03:00

I love a good craft. Especially one that comes together relatively quickly and looks amazing even when it's quite easy. Ta da...the Ukrainian Easter Egg!

Years ago I went to a little easter egg workshop with my sister and mother - and my egg's design was freehand and that of a child's freehand - if you get my meaning. Then a couple of years ago I tried again with some friends and I did a more complicated design but only managed one half of the egg - the front half (how convenient for displaying purposes). My Mom has both of the eggs in her Easter egg collection.

Since last summer, I have become quite good friends with a lady from my neighborhood and church. I love a new friend, all those fresh ideas, opinions, opportunities, etc. I love discovering new people and who they are.

Well, it turns out that my friend is an "egg-cellent" Ukrainian Easter egg crafter. And, the best part, she invited me over, updated my skills and I have made two eggs.

You know what it's like to go camping with an experienced and serious camper - they have ALL THE STUFF. Well she has all the stuff. All the dyes, patterns, hints, everything.

We had a great time, "cracking up" and laughing and crafting. I love these eggs - even if they are basic or have mistakes in them, they always look impressive. Even my daughter wanted to know "where I BOUGHT the egg"!

And we have decided to keep working on them after Easter and make Christmas tree ornament eggs. The patterns are intricate and have special meanings - Christian-based and nature-based.

You can make one in a couple of hours and you feel so accomplished :)

Now that I'm starting my own egg collection, the Easter Bunny will have to stick with chocolate eggs - it's a "win-win" situation.

Sandy

Confession is good for my soul

2007-03-27T09:58:00.000-03:00

As a child, and all through my growing up years in my home church (United Baptist), forgiveness was a big deal. As it should be. To talk directly to God, confess my sins to him, and be forgiven (and of course to pledge to try very hard not to do it again). Imagine. What a gift we have been given. I had no problem with asking for forgiveness. I have no problem saying I'm sorry. I don't mind facing myself and all my flaws. To ask for another chance. To try again to be the person that Christ would have me be. To live a life that would glorify God. I know that I am a sinner. I am grateful for any hope He might have for me.

When I was in my early 20s, I moved to Toronto (our nation's biggest city) to get a job. I was there for two years. For the second year there I lived with my boyfriend. I felt really bad about that. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He came to visit from NS and was supposed to get a job and find his own place. I didn't want to live with him. Anyway, the visit lasted for a year and we became an old married couple before our time. When we moved back, I told him to get his own place, I was moving in with a girlfriend - but I digress. I did a lot of traveling with my job and went through many towns, large and small. As I was working in one town I was compelled to go to the Catholic Church to confess my living arrangement. So I just walked in and spoke to the priest. He didn't seem to have a problem with hearing the confession of a Baptist girl, so I stayed and confessed and he understood and absolved. Of course, asking for forgiveness always makes me feel better.

I stayed five years too long in my first marriage, mostly because of the vows I made before God. I didn't want to break my promise to Him. I didn't want to be a failure. I didn't think He would ever forgive me.

I did divorce and years later, three days before my second marriage (I couldn't even get married in a church, we got married at the Law Courts) I had crisis of conscious. Although I had asked for forgiveness many times for the end of my first marriage, I just felt that it didn't "take". I called a minister from my home town. This lady was the mother of a childhood friend who had always given me sound, spiritual advice. I went to see her when my first marriage was failing. She is a gentle, soft-spoken lady who I can listen to. She became a minister. So I called her out of the blue, late at night, three days before my second marriage and talked and talked. She told me that I was forgiven, but sometimes, as humans, we need to hear it being said, out loud. So she told me that God forgave me.

When I became a Catholic in 2000, I embraced going to confession. I know there is great controversy over general absolution vs private confession. That there are scores of bad priests who have scarred generations of kids. That how could saying the Our Father ten times be penance? Confession has a troubled past, I get that. But none of it applies to me. I like to go. I believe that God is reaching me through that priest. And when that priest sees me outside of the Confessional, he is not seeing my sins AKA dirty laundry so I'm not worried about that. I like going and I want my daughter to not mind it so she will continue.

Last night, was the Reconciliation Service before Easter. We went. And I am going to tell you about it.

Had the service, stood in line and waited my turn.

This is a priest I don't know. I have seen him in meetings. He's the only priest I have ever heard curse and he calls our priest "Jimmy" (we call him Father Jim). So I'm waiting and wondering...and preparing what I'm going to say of course.

My turn.

The coolest thing ever about confession is I hardly ever end up talking about what I had planned to talk about - talk about God's plan.

Last week I was at church five nights in a row. Sat was mass, Sun/Mon/Tues was the Lenten Mission and Wed was a study on the catechism. The following weekend Marly had a cold and the weather was sunny and I just didn't want to go to mass. I didn't want to, that's my reason. I have lots of excuses of why that was OK, but I didn't want to so I didn't. And I felt bad about it until I confessed it.

The priest was really good. He talked about why he goes to mass. What he gets out of it. How he needs to go, not that God needs him to go. That he needs the eucharist (communion). That God wants us to be there, not out of blind obedience but because there are graces received through the eucharist that we cannot receive if we don't partake. And that I would miss something if I wasn't there. Something that God may have wanted to give me, but couldn't because I wasn't there, in His house, with His people. Then he talked about how God knows all this. That we aren't going to always go. God exposes our frailty, to help us grow. I said I can't hear Him. I listen and listen but I'm not hearing Him. He said sometimes you have to stop listening so hard and just BE. BE in the presence of God.

I cried...I always cry at confession. It's like God seeing me naked and we both know "this is it, this is all I have to show for myself". But relief follows. And new resolve. So that's good. It's especially good because my tears upset my daughter a little and I don't want her to worry about me. The mother crying in church. Just tears mind you, not sobbing or anything like that.

So for penance. The next morning when everyone was gone, I was to say my morning prayers, ask God to help me see when and where He is revealing Himself to me and then stop talking and just BE in the presence of God for ten minutes. What a great and merciful God. That he will forgive my sins and my penance for sinning against Him is to be in His presence for ten minutes.

It was hard. I get very distracted. It's like praying. I'm not a very good disciplined prayer. My mind wanders. I figure I'm going to have to try it many times today.

It's like at Weight Watchers when you re-learn what it's like to be hungry. We are hardly ever hungry so sometimes it is hard to remember what it feels like, what it sounds like, what the circumstances are, etc.

I need to re-learn (or maybe just learn AGAIN) what it feels like to be in the presence of God, what it sounds like, what the circumstances are, where do I find Him, what are the activities, who are the people, etc.

I spend a HUGE amount of time studying God, being with my Christian community, doing, doing, doing. Learning over and over because the lessons seem to come so slowly, piece by piece. An enormous jigsaw puzzle that I'm OK knowing I will never finish it.

I think that for the rest of Lent I will just try to BE with God. I know He is revealing Himself to me, maybe I will learn how to see and hear what he is trying to tell me.

Sandy

Prayer

2007-03-22T14:46:00.000-03:00

Please pray for Addison and Sarah and family. Addison is having breathing difficulties and has gone to the hospital.

**Update** Addison doing better, and things seem to be in control :) Thanks be to God :)

The End of an Era

2007-03-18T10:24:00.000-03:00

It was a great March Break. Probably the best one my girl has had aside from the ones when we went somewhere by plain or train. The best one at home.

She spent time with both Grandmothers, had wonderful sleepovers and our night "downtown" in the hotel was awesome. We had an ice-storm and what a great place to be, watching it happen around you while you are in the pool, hot-tub and sauna. Now she's at the championship basketball games that are being played for the last time in this province. After 24 years, the games are moving to Ontario. People are sad, bu SMU made the playoffs so we're going out with a bang!

But...isn't there always a but :) A time of great transition here as well. The closing of one door and the opening of another...the end of an era.

My 12 1/2 year old daughter did her first clothes shopping all by herself and Mom was just the person who had the wallet.

My girl seems to be a bit of a late bloomer, compared with the other girls. Not interested in boys, clothes, teen magazines, etc. She has discovered the radio station with the current music, not the one Mom permanently has dialed to the 80s music. As I write this I do realize she's only 12 but some of the girls seem to grow up so fast. I have really enjoyed having her be a "girl" when she still is a "girl".

Anyway, during the break she mentioned to me that she would like to go to a certain store to look at a certain top that the girls in her class were wearing. I was so excited for her. Just to see her peek out into this whole new world. She had tried on the top in another mall with her friend (her first trying on with no adult present) and wanted to see it again. So off we went. She is so focussed - I remember it well. She went right to the shirt, tried it on again and showed me. My heart flipped. She looked so different - she seemed to age right before my eyes.

But you know what - it was OK, I was OK. A little sad, knowing that my girl was changing, getting ready for her teenagehood that will start in August. But I was excited for her. And for me. I knew this girl so well, I was excited to see who she would be as a teenager.

So we bought the shirt and went to another store. Again very focussed. Didn't need me in the changing room. In fact, I spent the time managing Grammie who was doing what Grammie's do best - embarrass the child. I remember it well :)

Success again, wallet out and off we went, home with my pre-teen. I was proud of her. She wasn't extravagant, didn't beg for more, knew the cost of the clothes and made smart choices. As I looked around the second store I saw so many little girls wanting the clothes - they looked like they were only 7 or 8. I was glad it us took this long to get here. That somehow my girl knew when she was ready and didn't mind being a little girl when she wasn't. That she was ready to start growing up but wasn't rushing it.

That little girl will always be in my heart. Soon I will meet a new girl, a teenager. I know I will love her, I just hope I will like her :) Deep down in my heart, I really think I will. Her heart is good and kind and I know she is going to be a terrific person. I think I have done some personal growth lately, because I'm not freaking out or in mourning. I am looking forward to the changes - for me and for her.

The Circle of Life...........................................

Sandy

Half cat/half butterly all passed in.

2007-03-10T10:10:00.000-04:00

It's finally here. After weeks and weeks of waiting. Through freezing cold days, nasty weather, unexpected thaws only to plunge into the cold once again. Dark mornings, rushed days and TV shows missed because they're past the bed-time.

March Break has arrived. Nine days of bliss: a weekend, five days of no school and another weekend. How glorious is that!

I have a 12 year old who has been waiting for March Break almost as eagerly as she waits for Santa.

That last week of school was a doozy - a social studies test, a math test, language arts presentation and a science project all due and all in french no less.

The dining room table is cleared of the paint, brushes, modeling clay, wooden wings and shoe box that created the "half cat/half butterfly in it's natural eco-system". The lunch box and knapsack have been stowed away and there is not a school agenda in site.

Sleep-overs are planned, three days with Grammie and Grampie, an extra night with Dad, a night at a hotel with friends and family and a big St. Patrick's Day dinner are all part of the festivities.

But do you know what the best part of March Break is...THE BREAK!

no alarm clock setting

no "official" bed-time

no piano practicing

no missing the favorite TV show and having to have it recorded (what a rough life)

no homework or studying

being able to have peanut butter for lunch (we have a peanut/nut free school)

no trying to remember gym days or band days

There is so much potential, endless possibilities ahead of me. Oh...did I say "me". I meant "her". Yeah, that's right, "her".

I LOVE MARCH BREAK TOO!

Sandy

Confirmation

2007-02-20T08:25:00.000-04:00

Last night was our Parish's annual Confirmation Mass. 29 young men and women (around age 16) were confirmed.

Yesterday was nasty - winter nasty. It snowed all day. Just didn't stop. Not a hard snow, just enough to make you think you didn't have to shovel and then when you needed to go out, you realize you should have. You have to brush your car off everytime. And because we're on the coast, there's always some form of rain involved- freezing or regular, it doesn't seem to matter. And lots of winds. Just the type of day you'd rather stay home, not really a storm, just stormy.

However, I pick up Marly from school at 2:00, head over the bridge to her 3:00 physio appt, the physiotherapist is overbooked and running late so we don't get home to nearly to 5:00 pm. On the way home, the radio people are announcing the evening activities that are cancelled. Please cancel confirmation - Marly is an altar server and has to be there for 6:30 pm and supper will now be late. And she can't be late, the Bishop will be there and on and on I ramble in my head.

When I get home, I call my friend Janet who is in the choir. No, it's not canceled. They can't really cancel it because it would be hard to reschedule the Bishop with Lent practically upon us.

So we charge through supper which everyone liked (what's up with that?) and we had a nice family visit because, of course, the Lord is watching over us - Sandy when will you get that?!

We go to confirmation. It is freezing and snowy and I have to wear my nice boots but they are making my sore foot and ankle hurt, Marly is cranky because she was invited at the last minute to go outdoor skating in the neighbourhood but can't because "she has to go to church!".

Not a good start.

I walk in. Everyone is dressed in their very best. Extended families have gathered for this important occasion. The church looks wonderful. The Bishop is chatting about - he's a great chatter. The confirmation candidates are in their robes, ready. The choir is huge (our two choirs combined) and a full complement of altar servers. I'm glad I wore my nice boots :)

A peace comes over me. The Holy Spirit is there already. It's not waiting for the Bishop to invoke it upon the candidates, it is there in our community. I always envision the Holy Spirit like a wave flowing in and round the people, touching us all, making us one and making us better.

The service was lovely. The choir was fabulous. I always sit close because I used to sing with them, so I sing along and pretend I'm sitting with them. The candidates are ready.

I look at those boys and girls HARD. When you are 16, do you know what you are doing? Can you make these decisions about your life? Do they know what they are saying? Do they believe it? Will they live it? Time will tell. They have their lifetime to live their faith, to make their own journey.

I made the decision to be baptized when I was in grade 8, younger than them. (Yes, I am a Catholic covert from a whole life of being Baptist.) I was ready, I knew I was. But did the community of adults wonder the same thing for me? I'm sure they did.

This year, after the service, the Bishop had invited one of the young people in our parish who was confirmed a couple of years ago to speak to his peers about what it has been like for him since his confirmation. I thought it was a great idea. Kids are more likely to listen to kids.

When all was said and done and I watched the 29 have their pictures taken with the Bishop, our Priest, Sister and Deacon and the leaders of the Confirmation Classes, my heart warmed my toes and soothed my ankle, and I thought about the confirmation in my daughter's future. I prayed that she would know what she was doing, or at least be open to learn and experience all that God has to offer her.

Happy Shrove Tuesday - gotta love them pancakes!!

Sandy

Happy Valentine's Day.

2007-02-14T13:07:00.000-04:00

I was watching a christian TV show the other day and the lady said..."Love One Another is a command you know, not just friendly advice on how to live".

That really struck me.

You know, I've read scripture over and over, trying to read it in the correct contexts: political, cultural, geographical, understanding language usage, etc. But I never thought about grammar and how it affects what is being said. Sometimes, when verses are so familiar they lose their meaning. They are comfortable and worn, and come from a loving, merciful God. Sometimes I miss what He is saying...

Love one another.

Peace be with you.

Whatever you do to the least of your brethren, you do unto me.

You see what I'm trying to say.

He is like the Nike slogan..."JUST DO IT".

Long ago, when I heard that "love is a decision, not just an emotion". That struck me too. And it explained about when love is not enough. That sometimes, there has to be more...trust, honesty, perseverance, tolerance. Love can be the underlying bond to hold people together, but sometimes there must be more. "Love" as a verb is a lot more powerful than "love" as a feeling.

Karla Holmoka, hideous murderess here in Canada, has just had a baby. I long to hate her. What she did infuriates me. And now she has a baby!!! That can't be right. But I am called to love her (thank goodness not to like her). I wise friend told me to pray for her. That I won't be able to pray for her and hate her at the same time. It may make it a bit easier to follow that command.

God is telling me things - not offering words of wisdom, not advising, not pondering or musing. Lately I feel that I need to look at the bible as more of an instruction manual - maybe I have dwelt on the histories and stories and wonder of it all too much.

Love One Another as I have loved (LOVE) you.

Happy Valentine's Day bloggysphere.

Sandy

When She Fell Off The Pedestal I Put Her On

2007-02-10T20:58:00.000-04:00

Jer 17:5-8

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

This was the first reading in tonight's mass. When I was thinking about today's post I was thinking along these lines and hearing the reading just encouraged me.

I have attended bible studies my whole life. I love them. I love the reading, the learning, the socializing, everything.

About eight years ago, when I finally became a stay-at-home Mom, my daughter went of to primary and I could finally attend a bible study in the daytime. I started looking and found a morning group who were up for new "attendees".

Great. I was so happy. The study was awesome. It was a video and scripture study that went through all the countries in the bible and followed Jesus' path. Another great feature was that all the women were from different denominations, so there was lively and truly interesting and inspiring discussions.

I loved the leader. She was so earnest in her love for the Lord. She was an at-home Mom of three children, a dedicated Christian woman in a Christian family, happily married and really focussed on her life and where she was going. She was (and probably still is) a wonderful prayer. So genuine, she could bring herself and us to tears. I loved to listen to her pray. She knew the scriptures. A woman who was a great teacher and a great person.

A real role model. Someone to look up to and emulate. (SCREECH - that was what I should have done).

One day after our time together, we were getting ready to leave and were talking about kids - of course. Our local elementary school was getting ready to change their policies and become a peanut-free/peanut-smart school since it would soon have students that were deathly allergic to peanuts.

My role model thought this was crazy. She couldn't believe it - all these changes for a few students. Nevermind the fact that in Canada all children are legally entitled to a SAFE learning environment, etc, etc. What were her kids going to eat, couldn't the "at-risk" students eat by themselves somewhere else, can't they be responsible for themselves, etc.

I couldn't believe it. As a person with food intolerances, I knew what could happen when you ate the wrong thing. And we were talking about 5 years olds - they need help with their allergies and the other 5 year olds need help being educated. It's an elementary school after all. Of course kids can be more responsible when THEY CAN READ THE LABELS THEMSELVES.

And she fell off the pedestal. Actually, I pushed her off. The pedestal that I had built mind you. She didn't ask to be put up there.

That's when I realized that God is my role model. If anyone is on a pedestal in my life, it had better be Him. I know He has put great people in my life, people who can set a good example, encourage, inspire and teach. But if I am going to emulate or imitate anyone, it needs to be Him.

Many times, it seems easier, more reasonable and likely more chance of success if we follow a person. We have to keep our eyes up and looking to Heaven.

It wasn't my friend's fault. She didn't to anything but be human and in her humanity I recognized the greatness of God.

Sandy

You Have Got to Read This Post

2007-02-09T10:52:00.000-04:00

Now I know, that besides myself, hardly anyone reads this blog. It's OK. I'm not much of a "put it out there kind of girl". It's really OK. And the couple of sweethearts who do read will agree with me about the following - I just know they will :)

You have got to read this post. Or maybe "I got to read this post" and I did and it was so great, I'm letting you know about it.

I am currently reading Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, generously recommended and given to me by Bev. It is a great book about men and women & love and respect and all the "how tos", "the whys", the "how comes" and, mostly importantly, "because it says so in the Bible". This is a Christian point of view and approach to marriage that I had not heard of before that is really gelling with me as I try to incorporate it into my own life and marriage.

So then I come across the above mentioned posts in the Rocks in My Dryer Works for Me Wednesday meme. And in the post are links to other posts and people who really get these ideas and know how to make them work.

OK, OK, obviously I'm a little slow on the uptake. But really I think I have been carrying around too much baggage from my first (and long ago) try at marriage. I knew things needed to be different but wasn't sure how to start and, at that point, was consumed by a child dealing with divorce, so things just got put on the back burner.

But they are on the front burner now and posts and people like these in our bloggy-world are great and helpful and enouraging and awesome and I love them and I'm sure you get the point so I will stop now :)

Have a great weekend. It is freezing here but I hear there is MAJOR snow around Lake Ontario and it's making me a little nervous so I've got to go and fill up the gas tank, find the shovels and get some grocery shopping done in case we get DUMPED ON!

Sandy

Six Pieces of White Bread

2007-02-03T14:18:00.000-04:00

I have a very good friend who has been on a weight loss program for the last several months. It's a program that custom-designs a weekly meal plan based on the foods you like to eat. It also manages the carb, sugar, water intakes. She has weekly weigh-ins and emails me every Friday with her results.

She has done fabulously well. Lost 45 pounds with only 15 to go. It has been fun watching her shrink and her confidence and pride grow in knowing she finally saw the truth and is doing something about it.

This past Friday she emailed and wasn't as excited as she usually was. She had only lost .25 lb and only lost 1 lb in the last two weeks and was getting ready to re-focus and take charge once again.

I was a bit surprised as she claimed sugar was her downfall and it was the enemy. I emailed her back and said I thought you weren't eating any sugar, what did she mean.

She replied that in the last couple of weeks she had "fallen off the wagon a bit" and last Friday had eaten six Cadbury Thins chocolate bars and last Tuesday had eaten six pieces of white bread.

I thought it funny that eating the six chocolate bars didn't faze me ONE LITTLE BIT but I was shocked at eating six pieces of bread at once.

I guess it's all relative :)

Sandy

The Motherhood Tattoo

2007-02-02T11:06:00.000-04:00

Sarah wrote about how "motherhood is tattooed on her soul".

I think about motherhood a lot and how it has completely transformed me, and that the transformation was not a surprise. I had big dreams when I was a kid and teenager and in university. Big plan and lots of expectations. Being a wife and mother factored into those dreams, but the long-term planning stopped at the birth. It's like I knew it was going to change but since I didn't know exactly how, I couldn't plan for it. All I really knew was that if there was anyway possible, I wanted to be an at-home mom.

I remember being pregnant and having lunch with my girl-friends and debating being "at-home" (when you have that option). There was one friend with a super high-powered job with her child having three meals a day in childcare because she and her husband worked such long hours. Her argument was that she wanted to go back to work because she might miss out on a great professional opportunity. I said what job could be better than being there and raising your child until they are ready to leave on their own; why have kids if I only saw them nights and weekends; that I knew for myself, there would never be a professional opportunity more exciting, more satisfying, more amazing than being home with my child. She didn't say much after that.

When I was pregnant, my husband and I started to live on his salary and bank mine for a down-payment for a house. I knew we needed to "practice" living on one income. When we did start to look for a house we based the mortgage on one and a half incomes (I knew then I had to go back at least part-time), not two mortgages so we wouldn't get in over our heads. We bought the house we never thought we would, in an area we never thought about because it made sense and we could afford it, and of course, it turned out to be the right decisions.

Baby came. As soon as I recovered, literally and figuratively, I started thinking about childcare. Who could I trust? Was there anyone really on the planet capable of taking are of my child, outside of myself and Grammie and Grammie lived too far away. And where do I find this person?

So I went to my church. I did some investigating and found the super-childcare giver. Who, of course, had the maximum number of children she could care for in her home (I wanted a home environment). But, she recommended Susan, a woman she would have take care of her children if she needed a caregiver.

So I interviewed Susan. Went to her home, checked out her family and home and asked my 30 or so questions. Checked out her references and decided I could try and trust her with my precious, precious six-month old baby.

I'll never forget my first day back at work. Went to work and was 40 minutes late getting to my desk. Everyone knew it was my first day back and assumed I was having a hard time leaving my baby. Oh, no, I said. I was here on time, I've just been in the parking lot, crying for the last 40 minutes but I'm OK now.

Marly stayed with Susan from the time she was six-months old until she was four and a half, when I finally had the chance to start being a stay-at-home mom. She was wonderful. She indulged my every new-mother whim/neurosis. Her own son and another little girl were the same age as Marly so she formed a tight group of little friends, that lasted for years. Susan was very close to her parents so they became Nanny and Grandad to my child as well. Susan was a gift given to me that I will be forever grateful to, as I remember her every Christmas and Mother's Day so she will know how important I think she is/was to the early development of my little girl.

Here comes the "motherhood's stamped on your soul" bit, that motherhood may cause you to change and do things that under any other circumstances you may have run to the hills. Motherhood has certainly done that to me.

One evening, when she was a toddler, I was changing her and noticed some bruising in her "private area". She was also toddler-babbling about her diaper and how one of the little boys wouldn't let her have diaper.

PAUSE

So, on the one hand, she's a toddler, she can't talk, she doesn't know what is going on, Susan and her family have been wonderful to me and my family. WHAT I AM THINKING IS CRAZY AND EVEN IF IT'S NOT, WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

(At this point, let me say I am a people-pleaser, NON CONFRONTATIONAL person by nature, although I am working on that, successfully I might add.)

On the other hand, she is a toddler, she doesn't know what is happening, who are these people anyway and IT IS UP TO ME TO PROTECT HER. Do I tell her when she's older, I was too embarrassed to bring up the subject of the suspicious bruising so I sacrificed your life so I wouldn't have to say anything uncomfortable?

My comfort zone is begging me to say nothing, "I'm sure it's nothing, you are over-reacting, leave it alone. If you talk to Susan, she will hate you and you will lose a good sitter".

But that "mother lion and cub" thing just took over and I knew I had to say something, even though I had no idea what would happen.

So I did. I talked to Susan about the bruising and the toddler comments about the diapers. Not accusing, but certainly inquiring about abuse, so really I was accusing her at some level. Susan was heartbroken, I was heartbroken, that we were having this conversation. But how could I not? We were so crushed. Later on after Susan thought about it, she noticed that their new coffee table/heavy wooden chest with pointy corners was just the right height and she had also seen Marly bang into it since it was a new piece of furniture and everyone was just getting used to it (Marly has never been known for her grace to this day). The diapers: her son had been "helping" Susan when she needed to change the kids and thought it was fun to play "keep-away" with the diapers. When I later talked to her and wondered if we would be able to maintain our relationship, she was gracious and said we could. She also said that she hoped that if there was ever a question about the care of her child, that she would have enough courage to do the same.

It was an amazing experience. Until that point I was brought up to "suck it up". There was questionable behaviour in my own family by a certain uncle and when the grandkids were born, my sister and I demanded that he was never to be alone with our kids as we had been. My mother was horrified about our demands and worried what her sister would say (the uncle's wife) but the other family members immediately agreed and it made me wonder what my mother would sacrifice for "peace" in the family.

When my own child's safety was in question, I was shocked at the powerfulness of my urge to protect her at all costs. And I knew I would take whatever measures I would need, without question or delay, to make sure that she was not harmed in any way. It's that POWER of emotions that amazes me. I didn't know it was there until I needed it. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is a powerful thing. I feel I am a better person for experiencing it. The mother-child bond is so fierce I can't really explain it, just feel it.

Sarah's right, motherhood is tattooed on my soul. The only tattoo I will ever have and I'll be proud of it for the rest of my life.

Sandy

January Monsoon Season

2007-01-19T20:23:00.000-04:00

This past Wednesday my weekly bible study group started up again from our "Christmas vacation". We are studying the book of Acts. We were talking about "how do you know when someone is filled with the Holy Spirit?". I spoke up and briefly told the story of Kelli and how hundreds of people were filled with the Holy Spirit and how thousands of dollars were raised. It was so great to share the story.

It is monsoon season here in Atlantic Canada. We are somewhat obsessed with the weather here since if you blink it will change and we're never really sure what the change will be. Five days ago we had a snow storm, schools closed, etc. and then we settled into an unreal deep-freeze (-33'(c) with the wind-shield).

My daughter said "you know Mom, I've never really seen my breath INSIDE the car".

Now it is like a spring monsoon. A huge rain storm with terrible winds and spring like temperatures. We would be buried for days if this was snow so I am NOT complaining - you don't have to shovel rain. But it is so hard to predict the next few hours of the day, you never know what to wear!

It's been a long week. My sprained foot isn't healing and my IBS is acting up - I think it's the stress from my foot. It was so amazing to be part of the Kelli Campaign. And as much as I never want any children to be ill, I was glad of the opportunity to pray for my "blogger babies": Emma Grace and Ashley and their families. Reading those stories from the sidelines show me what real hardship and sacrifice and faith are and help to keep me focussed.

Our church seems to be in a bit of a rut (my personal opinion) and it's hard to stay motivated when we're on the brink of big changes and no one seems to care (at least care enough to attend the meetings).

I loved Barb's and Sarah's posts about reading, books and libraries. I feel a kindred spiritness with those in love with the written word. Titles came back to me: Island of the Blue Dolphins, Enid Blyton books, Anne of Green Gables (my grandmother read the first few chapters as they were a bit hard and she persevered until I read it on my own), the Drina series, Highlights magazine, Nancy Drew (I still have the hardcover set I got through the mail), Humpty Dumpty magazine (my first magazine subscription), and more and more. I spent my childhood with a nose in a book and loved every minute of it. My Mom and Dad both read constantly and I loved being in that environment. When my baby was born, books was the one luxury I never even thought about. I really feel that all children should have their own personal library. I lived in the book section of Costco - still do but now just the adult section. And now I'm happy to say the Chapters is in the top five of favorite outings.

I saw DreamGirls last weekend. Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy stole the show!

I guess I'm all over the place.

Enjoy the weekend and don't forget the blogger babies.

Sandy

Don't Forget

2007-01-16T11:11:00.000-04:00

Today is Kelli's day - don't forget :)

Sandy

The Snowman in a Box

2007-01-15T12:49:00.000-04:00

It came. I think it really did. And I think it's going to stay.

WINTER

It snowed, I shoveled, the snow stayed and more is in the forecast (not much more but some).

January 15th. I can't believe it.

Consequently, we have all turned into a bunch of snowbabies. I mean when I was a kid 10 cm (4 inches for the Americans) didn't even fall on the radar. Nobody even thought about it. Now, "a heavy snowfall warning is in effect". I went through the drive-thru at Tim Hortons to get the coffee and one gigantic city snow-plow and at least three local buddies with the plows on the front of their trucks were just sitting there. Are they waiting for it? It's like they're desperate for it :) Although I do know a lot of people count on the snow for a winter-income but snow-removal is seasonal, you've got to have a back-up plan, don't you?

So, just in case the weatherman is right (what are the odds of that?) I zipped out and got milk and bread and veggies in case it does get nasty. Snow is easy, it's the freezing rain and rain and wonky temperatures and people with no snow tires that make it tricky.

And, I can't believe I'm saying it, but wouldn't it be nice if the kids were "stuck home" for a snowday. They would love it.

My daughter got "a snowman in a box" for Christmas and it's been on the counter ever since it was unwrapped. It's such a cute idea. There is a black, felt hat, red scarf, buttons, eyes, mouth and pipe - all we need is the snow. Personally, I was hoping that it would never be opened, but really, how far can I stretch global warming?

So, the skiers and snowboarders are happy, and we found our shovels and snowboots. And the best part - the temperature is supposed to be back up to 9'(c), that's about 48'f and if it's sunny, it will melt away...:)

Sandy

PS It's snowing now so it looks like the weatherman was right - he probably needs that confidence boost :)

Mother Mary

2007-01-13T22:53:00.000-04:00

(Keep in mind my Mom and I are going through a bit of a "patch").

So, I'm at mass tonight. Things are getting started and I'm looking around. We have a statue of Mary in the back corner of our church. When I was thinking about becoming a Catholic, the whole "praying to Mary" thing freaked me out quite a bit (as did having statues in church - good Baptist that I was - that's another post). But now, I see Mary quite differently and have a lot more respect for the Mother of our Lord. So I'm looking at her, seeing that someone has put some fresh flowers near her. Someone must have been asking for her intercessory prayers, I think. Then I start to contemplate Mary as a "mother" and what kind of a mother was she. She was probably perfect and never tried to control her son, right. Never budded in. Etc, etc. Then I remember the story of the Wedding at Canaan. How Jesus felt it wasn't time for His ministry to start but how she knew better and gave Him a nudge AND how He LISTENED and performed His first miracle. How He respected her and considered her opinion.

Right, right. I'm getting it. Patience Sandy. Honour thy Mother. Okay, okay.

Moving along through mass and it's time for the gospel reading - THE WEDDING IN CANAAN.

Was that a brick that just fell on my head? Oh, wait. It's just THE WORD OF GOD speaking directly to me.

Man, it freaks me out when that happens.

Sandy

Perspective

2007-01-11T23:41:00.000-04:00

One thing I really like about blogging is that it helps me to keep things in perspective.

On Dec. 20th I ripped all the ligaments in my left foot. Aside from the incredible timing of this little event (and my own version of a Christmas carol I sang out into the night it happened if you get my meaning...), I have now seen that there is no point in any after-Christmas shoe sales since my foot is swollen and I have no idea when it will return to regular size - and it better return. So, here's me, someone who loves shoes and boots. Someone who regular wears the same ones over and over, but really like shoes: new, clean, sleek, shiny shoes. Poor me. I moan, lament, pout a bit - I mean I know it's not really tragic and my husband is openly happy, but I like shoes, what can I say.

So then I am cruising around bloggetyville, making my usual stops and park for a bit over at BooMama's.

And I read about Kelli.

Kelli wants something too. She's praying and directly asking God for it. She wants it bad. So bad, that I want it for her.

She wants to live.

Now that's perspective.

Kelli needs a kidney transplant. She is coping with the medical, financial and family stresses of an impending major surgery that she has to have. She has to have it. She is not ready to leave this earth. She has a husband and two teenagers that need and love her and she wants to live.

BooMama has set up a link for January 16 for anyone to help contribute financially. As always prayers are needed.

I'm not so good with links but I hope I get them right, so if anyone is reading this and wants the information, you can find it.

Kelli has got her priorities straight. And she adjusted my perspective - thanks for that.

Sandy

My Year-Long Nativity Scene

2007-01-07T16:47:00.000-04:00

So, at Barb's (Chelsea Morning) she's talked about keeping her Nativity Set up all year long. I thought that was a great idea. I had a beautiful Christmas card of the Nativity that I kept on my windowsill all year long last year. But this year I hunted for one I could place on the ledge permanently. See what I found, and at half price, only $4.00. I couldn't believe it - it fits perfectly. I'm so happy.

Then, I thought of a great idea of what to do with old Christmas cards. I hate throwing them out, especially when they are beautiful ones of the Nativity or snowmen. So this year I cut the backs off and will use the fronts for bookmarks. I'm always reading several books at one time and always need a few for my bible (card fronts are nice and flat) so I thought these would do the trick. I even thought I could write the person's name on the back of the front (are you following me:) so I could remember who took the time to send me such a lovely card.

It was just one of those days, everything clicking away. Lots of little, annoying jobs done. Hubby cleaned up his workroom, we put all the Christmas boxes away and cleaned out that storage closet, printed off the Christmas pictures for scrapbookking, vacuumed the family room and straightened it up, took three bags to Big Brothers/Big Sisters, tidied up the living room, dining room and kitchen, etc., etc. We even went grocery shopping yesterday. We feel so accomplished!!

Bring on Monday - we are so ready!

Sandy

I Want to Be A Wise Man

2007-01-06T23:35:00.000-04:00

Today is Little Christmas or Epiphany - the celebration of when the Magi came to visit the Christ child. I learned a couple of things at mass today and I thought I'd share.

First of all, did you notice it doesn't say there are "three" wise men in the scriptures - only three gifts. We have just assumed there were three men. I never knew that.

My priest was talking about how "Christmas is over". How people are tired and ready for regular life to start again. How after this weekend, even the church calendar goes back to "ordinary times". He reminded us that the "temporary nature" of Christmas may fuel a temporary attitude towards God's gift to us - His only son. And that we are called to remember His (Christmas) gift to us throughout the year. That His gift was "made flesh and dwelt among us". It wasn't a temporary or seasonal gift. It was a gift that should last all year long, all life long. A gift that lives on even today, 2000 years later, and He is as real and present now as He was that first Christmas. I never really thought of it that way.

We sang "The First Noel". Our priest is very particular about singing Advent songs during Advent (ie: O Come, O Come, Emmanuel) and Christmas carols during Christmas.

...sing, sing, sing and...

They looked up and saw a star
Shining in the East beyond them far
And to the earth it gave great light
And so it continued both day and night.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!

And by the light of that same star
Three Wise men came from country far
To seek for a King was their intent
And to follow the star wherever it went.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!

To follow the star wherever it went. That really struck a chord with me tonight. If you saw "The Nativity" movie you'll know the scene when the Magi are talking about how many days they have "wandered" (over a hundred). Imagine, wandering around, following a star - I can hardly find the North Star on a regular basis, taking however long it was going to take. And they weren't even Jewish. Jesus wasn't even going to be their King. I mean, I know He was going to be their King, but you know what I am saying.

I guess we are like the wise men - although I shudder at the "wise" bit with regards to myself. Following God's word (like a star) wherever it goes - cause there ain't no road map! I was going to say "ain't no instruction manual", but I guess there is...the bible.

I think I'm going to need a new camel.

Sandy

I Can't Believe It's All Over

2007-01-03T23:46:00.000-04:00

So, I'm a little behind on the blogging bit. Just got back a few days ago from holidaying with my extended family. Stressful as expected but I loved seeing my sister and my niece and nephew. Kids grow so fast and every time I see them I am reminded about how much I have missed. But they are turning into wonderful pre-teens, affectionate and innocent and fun, and I'm really proud of my sister and her husband - they are doing a great job as parents!

Christmas was great. I always enjoy the entire season but once it's Christmas Eve day, forgetaboutit! Things whip along at a high rate of speed. Lots of family gatherings - some better than others :) Oh and I tore all the ligaments in my left foot - that was fun - NOT!

New Years was really fun. We don't usually do anything special but, aside from an allergy attack brought on my daughter by a friend's cat, we spent the evening with my sister and family and rang in the New Year in high style - hats, party-makers, a count-down, Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" (our new theme song?), fireworks and kids running around outdoors at midnight screaming their heads off.

So far, the best part of 2007 is NO SNOW! I can't believe it, but I am loving it since I know it is up there somewhere... just waiting... to dump on my driveway. Is it wrong to love global-warming? But El Nino (sp?) - bring it on!

I'm not very good at resolutions. I can always think of some: lose weight, be more consistent with scripture readings, be nicer, calmer, more patient, less sarcastic, etc. I think I just need to be "better" generally :) I'm sure I'll keep that one :)

I've been dealing with some betrayal from my Mom. It's very difficult. I'm still too upset to think rationally so I'm just waiting. Waiting for what, I don't know. The concept of it bothers me just as much as the act itself. I'm not sure what to do next, I think that's why I'm waiting.

I'm reading Love and Respect and I am very excited about it (recommended by Blessed Beyond Measure). I have finished two of Francine Rivers and The Memory Keeper's Daughter (recommended by A Chelsea Morning I think). Nothing better than a good read!

Loved the Christmas Season but ready to move on to 2007 - what will happen I wonder?

Sandy

Christmas Beatitudes

2006-12-24T09:46:00.000-04:00

BLESSED are they who find Christmas in the age-old story of a baby born in
Bethlehem.To them a little child will always mean hope and promise to a
troubled world.

BLESSED are they who find Christmas in the Christmas star. Their lives may
ever reflect its beauty and light.

BLESSED are they who find Christmas in the joy of gifts sent lovingly to
others. They shall share the gladness and joy of the shepherds and wise men
of old.

BLESSED are they who find Christmas in the fragrant greens, the cheerful
holly and soft flicker of candles. To them shall come bright memories of
love and happiness.

BLESSED are they who find Christmas in the happy music of Christmas time.
They shall have a song of joy ever singing in their hearts.

BLESSED are they who find Christmas in the message of the Prince of Peace,
They will ever strive to help Him bring peace on earth, goodwill to all.

Sandy

Do Not Be Afraid

2006-12-23T16:05:00.000-04:00

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Luke 2: 9-12 NIV

"Do not be afraid." This is said a lot in the bible. Almost like He knew we needed to hear it over and over.

"Do not be afraid." It really happened. We don't have to wonder or hope. He came. He came for us. Do you believe that? Believe it, it's true.

From my little corner of the world. From my teeny, tiny blog in the great blogosphere I have discovered this year...to all of you and your families. To all the women and their husbands and children and cats and dogs and people that make up your amazing, busy, hilarious, God-filled lives. To all the people who have shared recipes, household tips, words or encouragement, a sympathetic ear and a praying heart..."God Bless Us, Everyone!"

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good-night.

Sandy

BooMama's Bloggy Christmas Tour

2006-12-17T11:17:00.000-04:00

Welcome to our home. We are almost ready for Christmas. Our tree is not very big but we really like it. This year it is decorated with all the ornaments we have, except all of my beautiful Christmas balls. We used the balls last year and it was lovely but my daughter missed all the ornaments that had all the stories behind them. Can't blame her. To the right are our stockings that my Mom needle-pointed for us - my sister's family have matching ones. My mom is very organized and plans ahead!

This ceramic Christmas tree belonged to my Grandmother. She used it when she was done "with the hassle of a real tree". Somehow, I was lucky enough to inherit it. My sister made these carolers for me a couple of years ago. She made the mom and little girl when it was just M. and me and when I re-married, she made the father. They always sing around Grannie's tree (it lights up, you just can't tell :)

This is my stained-glass Nativity scene that my best-friend gave me over the course of many years. It is truly beautiful and I love it so much. I always pretend that I am the Little Drummer Boy that is in the front. I know he wasn't really there that amazing night but I can identify in so many ways with him..."what can I give him? I can give him my heart".

This is just a collection of decorations I have amassed over the years. I had quite the snowman collection going for a long time. This is one of my best ones. He sits on the wall and watches everyone who comes into the house. I purchased him and the wooden Santa at the same Christmas craft fair. I couldn't decide between them and stared at them for the longest time, trying to rationalize having both. The owner of the booth asked me if I was OK since I was taking so long to decide. As you can see I bought both and could barely fit Santa in the back seat. The little village is actually a 3-D puzzle set that M. puts together every year. I got it at Wal-Mart one year after Christmas for $5.oo - score for the Boxing Day sales!

I don't really like to decorate. All the boxes and lugging and taking down and putting up. But I do love to live in a house that is Christmassy - especially things that light up. Every night I turn out the lights and just sit in the glow of the tree and my little snowman that lights up and the glowing caroler tree. Last night I even found battery-operated tee-lights so I don't have to think of/remembering the lit candles. That's technology!!! But the memories that come to life during the unpacking of the decorations are one of the best parts of Christmas. Memories of people, places and things of Christmasses past - it helps me stay connected to what and who are really important.

Thanks for stopping by - I love company.

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Joyful New Year!

Sandy